What is etiquette on wearing rings? F MISS MANNERS DEAR MISS MANNERS — Are there any rules for how Jong a widower shouid wear his wedding ring? Unsiess advised otherwise, I in- tend to wear mine until I have oc- casion to exchange it for another. Seme of the ladies who accom- pany me to various places claim that this makes it appear they they are dating 2 married man. Am I insensitive to their plight? Am I correct in assuming that the question of sexual activity is im- material to this discussion? GENTLE READER — Yes; the tule about continuing to wear one’s ring as long as one likes ap- plies to widowers as well as — whoa! You said sexual activity, not sexual identity, didn’t you? You will have to excuse Miss Manners, who is accustomed to having to tell widows that while it is perfectly proper to continue to wear their rings indefinitely, they should be aware that this might discourage potential suitors, to whom it symbolizes that a widow is not interested in being courted. You do not seem to have that problem. Nor is the problem really that onlookers will believe the ladies you see to be dating a married man. Onlookers are not interested in checking out people’s fingers for symbols; one has to be romantically interested in the whole person to go in for that sort of sleuthing. The actual problem is that you p ce A SH are engaging in rather intense courtship, while making it clear to these ladies that this has nothing to do with marriage, in which you still feel bound to your late wife, and are not yet inclined toward anyone else. Surely you did not mean that you would remove your wedding ring as part of the cere- mony in which you acquire another one, but that you would do so when you find yourself in- terested in someone you wish to marry. Miss Manners realizes that this may be exactly the point you wish to make symbolically, but it is a harsh one and she can understand why your lady friends are pro- testing. She refuses to decide, however, whether raising false hopes would be even more cruel than conveying this information. DEAR MISS MANNERS — It was a lovely evening: best of friends, aice restaurant, excellent food, good wine, attentive waiter. When the check came, a quick audit revealed two errors amoun- ting to about $20. As soon as the error was brought to the attention of the waiter, he quickly grabbed the check and raced away. Guilt was written all over his face. He knew. He had been caught. So the ‘‘er- tors’’ became fraud. When the waiter returned with a correct check, his excuse was too lame to repeat. I was upset and angry, and wanted to make a scene, net only to vent my own cu ROE (vi Cue eH00p A RELATIONSHIP SKILLS GROUP FOR ACOA’S AND OTHERS WHO GREW UP TOO QUICKLY. JAN SPILMAN, R.N., M.Ed., CADC Register now for this 33 week pyschoeducational group. Please call 980-1655 as soon as possible for a brochure and pregroup interview. steam but to warn others. My experience is that the more people at a table and the more al- coholic beverages invelved, the greater are the chances of being victimized. The rule is always to audit the check carefully, but how does one properly handle a situa- tion such as this? } remained a gentleman, paid the bill aad departed, aever to return. But shouldn't mangement be involved? GENTLE READER — You, sir, are excused from jury duty. We may have turned into a nation of movie critics, but it is still not the American way to convict peo- ple of crimes on the basis of their facial expressions. An error is called an error until it is proved to have been inten- tional. An honest waiter might be just as upset at the incompetence of making a $20 mistake as a dishonest one would be at being caught cheating. This is not to say that Miss Manners believes you are not INSTRUCTOR CAROLYN Nicholson reads a book to some children enrolled in an art class at the Siik Purse arts facility in Weat Vancouver. For more in- formation en the many Classea at the Silk Purse call 926-3286. justified in being annoyed at hav- ing been billed incorrectly, especially if it has happened to you more than once in the same restaurant. She agrees with you that all bills one receives, under any circumstances, should be checked by the customer. And she would support you in’ bringing this error to the attention of the restaurant’s management — provided that in so doing, you do not commit the error of convicting someone without a fair izial. DEAR MISS MANNERS — When I answer ihe telephone at home, I am often greeted with my stepfather’s name, and sometimes caliers who believe me to be him ge so far as to begin a story. Uniess I am 101% sure when i call someone, I always say, “May I please speak with so and so?"’ My mom thinks I am nuts. GENTLE READER — Really? Miss Manners’ idea of nuts is someone who would attempt to prevent her son from being polite and considerate. 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