QUESTION: My g grown up
danghter fs acting like's child alread:

and it really bethers
What she does is her own

meeds my help. Pll tell you
about it and ask you what I
should do. First of all, she is
only 32 and has been married

- Just 11 years. Her husband is
..a@-smart hard-working fellow

who is doing very well in
business ‘and I'm afraid. my
daughter is going to ruin him
with her spending. He tells
me that her spending is
always planned and the big
things are purchased

after they have talked it all

over, but he doesn’t know

how persuasive she fs and
how she pets her own way.

QEUUREUAEEDENGGROUOAMLEERUOLOREELSTHETETNTT

: weally:

dere they are, just kids and:
ly this year they have

“gone to Mexico and to
Hawali and she has bought

herself a new car. Do you see
what I mean? Please .say

‘something im your. column

that will let her see that I am-
concerned for her
feature.

STEWART: Ill do what
you ask and address this ©
reply to your daughter. Dear
daughter: Your mothér

“wants you to see clearly that

she is concerned for you. Iam

‘sure you must already know

that. Any 32-year old woman
who has been married 11
years and whose mother says
she and her husband are

“Love Principles” reall
worked for him

QUESTION: | re have a

7 friend who has gone bananas
-. o@versomething you gave him

when he went to you for
counseliing. He says it is the
best thing that ever happen-
ed to him. He said why don’t

._ I Spkone you to: get a copy.

Frostance Counsetior, Hayden

Stewart does private. counsel- |

ling as well as a great doa! of

He can be

at. 261-6242 for
information and eppointments.
Latters ave always welcome.

Mail them to HAYDEN
STEWART, c/o. the North
Shore News, #202-1139 Lons-
date, Nerth Van.

The thing he’s talking abou
loving or

going to ‘phone you for a
‘copy and then I thought if the

- wules for loving are as good
as all that, perhaps you

would be. willing to print
them in the column. ;

_ STEWART: Not ‘‘rules for
loving’’, but Love Principles.

’ J think we ran them in this
* columh a year or so ago.- I

agree with your friend that

they are very thought pro-:.

‘voking, and, when they are
lived cat they make a.

"tremendous impact for good
on a love relationship. I have |

mailed you the full text but,
for space reasons, I will

include here only what .

amounts to a cut down
version. Here they are:

© Be the change you want
to see happen instead of
trying to change someone
else.

aware - of her mother’s

“concern”. Try your best to :
“concern’” as the &
best way she knows to assure. 7.

see her ‘

‘just kids”, must surely’ ‘be f

page 13, December 1, 1976 - North Shore News :

"Christmas... ,
atime to be joyful — .
a time to remem ber

you of her love. I feel sorry [| —

that she chooses to show her

love in that way. She is trying
to keep you as her little girl
and protect you and steer you
_in “the right way’’. So -

recognize her love and be a
grateful for it, but‘tet her §
know as kindly but firmly as f

possible that she is butting in

and that her butting in is not :

welcome. No matter how she
reacts, give her your love
too, but .you and your
husband live your own lives
in the ways you’ develop
between you. _..

© Receive all persons
exactly where they are.

© Provide people with
opportunities to give.

opportunities.

© Have no specific expecta-
tions (of each other) but
rather, abundant expect-
ancy.

-® Create your own reality
consciously, rather than liv-
ing as if you had no control
over your life.

In every new moment of
awareness, you are free to-
make a new choice.

Thank you for an excuse to

' print the Love Principles

again. They are no great
shakes just to read, but if you
apply them in your living, .
they are pure worth!

Don't take kids dsalong —
every time |

‘QUESTION:
has a problem over how to
handle week-ends. We have
three kids, 7, 9 and 11. M
husband’s work Is going we

STEWART: Here’s a situ-
ation in which ‘‘either, or’’
cannot be the best answer.
Who can measure the value

in week-end fun with the.

kids? It can be tremendously
worthwhile. But, on the other
hand,
husband to have a good time
toget her all on your own, can

be ecstatically enjoyable and -

valuable. It seems clear to
me that your circumstances
allow you to do both. If you
do both - everyone wins!
Why not every second or
third, week-end a_ sort of

for you and your ©

mini-honeymoon for “‘the old

folks’’ and on the other
weck-ends, have good times
with the kids? |

My own feeling is that it ¢
would be great, on occasion, —~

if you and your husband
could get away, not only from
the kids, but from cach
other. So why not include all
three ideas instead of taking
sides on something that
could become an. issue?

She enjoys taking

risks

QUESTION: What do you
think about. being

everyone ways “Use your
lead - be carclal - don’t be
crazy” etc. For Instance
everyone screams at mo fov
bitch -hiking {Wm 15 and a
girl] and I never have any
trouble.

a risk.
takor? I like taking risks and.

. STEWART: I'd hate’ to
squelch a risk-taker. We
need more of them. Perhaps
if you never risk just in order

to show off or make an
impression you'll live to be
an old risk-taker. If you're
just showing off—-cool it.
That's a fool of a reason to

. take a chance.

| your frien

© Perceive problems as fj

© Choice is the life process.

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