(OP MRE RT R ERFELES ROT AT em wee

| Page 18, November

QUESTION: |

In this letter; ’'m: not going -
to say: what. I'd like to say,:—
but I'd like to. tell you why, «
‘see. if you. have a!

and
comment to make akout my
reason. For over a year now,

-”—-- - - re

1, 1978- North Shore News _

‘s my y friends have been urging
me‘ to get help in working |
out my problem. A few have -

volunteered | their own

om am
ar a eres

people

- . should ‘handle ‘their ‘own |
_ Problems. ae

I want to'stand on ‘my own

two feet. I don’t want to lean.

on you or anyone else. So, I

-. don’t make: an appointment.
- with you and I don’t write to
your column. about what is —

a baffling me. So far, I sure

“Freelance. Counsellor. Hayden

_ Stewart may be reached at.

. 261-6242 for appointments for
individual, family or: ‘group
‘ counselling. ;

His new office in the Plaza :
- international ‘Hotel [open
Tuesdays only) is for the.
-convenience of North Shore
Vresidents. —

First nee | is

QUESTION:

For several years now, two"

of our daughters have been
living with their fellows. This
isn’t what we had hoped for
our girls, but we tried to be
“modern” and roll whh the
punches. The example set
for our two other children
worries me. I only hope they
don't decide to follow suit.
Their life-style has been a
source .of embarrassment
and disappointment for us.
We are ata loss to un-
derstand why they chose to
live this way. Quite frankly, I
can see no advantages. I'm
more grateful than ever for
the close, loving marriage I
have enjoyed.

Every now and then, one
of the pirls will get excited
about plans for marriage.
She'll go on and on about
inviting all the relatives and
friends. But her love life fs
constantly up and down and
it is getting: very hard for me

to get enthusiastic. If fact, |
we wish she'd spare us the —

-ordeal and just quietly siip

away and get married when. |

the time comes. Why ca

the young people who
decide to live together
realize they can’t have it
both ways? (Signed: A
disappointed Mom & Dad)

’ haven't come.up with. the
_ answers, but I think I should —
. - Just. hang in. there and keep.
. trying - on my own. Since

you're in. the - counselling ;
_ business, I guess i would be
.. asking a lot for you to agree
. with me, but I WOULD like

your opinion of my. reason
_ for not getting counselling. .

STEWART: .
'. There: are. -many reasons |
. people give for not resorting

to a series. ‘of -counselling.
- sessions. Some © of those -
{;° reasons. seem

Others. of them

Your reason may be one of
the best ones! I admire your:

‘determination to work things _

through-on your own. In the’

‘long.run, you will be the only

-one: who | wall get you out of

difficulties. it’s up io—
_ you. But what’s the best tway

Pett

your

open to you? - :

STEWART:

specific
pectations for your
daughters, and _ specific
expectations for yourselves
in regard to your daughters
has made it very difficult for
you.. Your feelings of
disappointment are

Having ex-

prompted, not so much by:

their way of life, but to
ignore your expectations of
them. Having expectations
of others (and even of
ourselves) becomes a heavy
burden. The answer lies in
learning how to go through
life without expectations.
Your love for your daughters

and the quality of your

relationship with them
would be greatly enhanced if
‘you were to choose to

_pump

‘stupid or
oo illogical or stubborn or even
dishonest.
make . “good sense to me.

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yft own a car that needs ,

fixing, it is up to. me to do
something about it. If it

. simply needs some air in the
7 advice, but: ‘most. say, “Why
don't’: ‘you: 0. to a COUR: *
sellor?” “Now ‘the reason I.
- have not. contacted you or |
. Some. other.’ - counsellor . ‘fs.

. hana nce. - I :

tires, I'd better. get.it done.

But. if it’s something more

complex than ‘that and I
happen to be-a guy that
doesn’t. know a carburetor

from a fender, I'd better get

help. Right? In fact, even to
get the. air in the-tire, I'd

_ better get help. (It's rather.

awkward blowing up a tire
with my own breath, so I go
where some other guy has a
that he
available to me). I don’t feel.
Iam losing my _ in-

dependence by accepting

thishelp. —

Refusing help out of pride

or bluster seems to defeat
- one’s purpose. If, however, |

you. do decide. to get

| counselling and you find the
. counsellor attempts to take

over your life and run things

-. for you, you can be assured

you have chosen a poor

& counsellor! The only valid

-way for a counsellor to

_ “help” you is to assist you in

getting in touch with your
own resources so you will be
better able to make your
own wise choices. You have
a lot of “hidden splendour”

in you anda good counsellor

Simply. ‘helps you to find

‘some trust:in it and to live
out life banking on it. You're

SO right - ITIS UP TO YOU. .
But it is up to most of us to
learn. the’ art of. mutual
‘responsibiiity as weil as
_ freedom. ‘As ‘the. poet says.

“No: man is an island”.

receive them exactly as they
-are, rather than wanting and
trying. to change them. You
will benefit by making such a
choice now. And, just as
importantly, THEY will
_ benefit. Is it possible for you
to see that even if they
wanted to get married, they
would tend to postpone such
a move, for fear they might
find a little later that they
had done it “because Mom
and Dad wanted it so much?”

You have already made
your contribution to your
pirls, Now, trust your love
for them and develop a more
profound trust in who they
are. The younger kids? Lay
your love on them, but NOT
your expectations. .

CONTINUED ON PAGE 23

White Spot Datsun

Your Datsun Plus Dealer
‘4451 x bouemces Hwy. Bby.

291-7261

makes

‘out of your new wagon,

- Pinto will make you pay

if you're looking to get
gas economy of only 6. 5
litres per 100 kilometres*

you won't get it ina
Pinto. But you will get it
with a new 240. And a

extra for features that
are standard on a 210.

You cant t buy a Honda
Civic wagon with an
economical 5-speed
transmission. But you
can get it on the 210
Sports Wagon. And if
you want a roomy
interior, the 210 is more
than 8 inches longer
and 3 inches wider than

the Civic. —

AROEUVERABILITY
& GARGO ROCM:
You can tum a 210
Sports Wagon in only
32.8 ft. Cargo space?
The 240 Sports Wagon
gives you 12 cubic feet
more of it than the
Corolla wagon. Parking
or packing—you're
better off in a 240!

 A79 Datsuns *
“are covered by the

Datsun 6 Year
anti‘Rust Pian.

ohh

WHERE CTHER ECONOMY WAR" 3 LEAVE OFF,
THE'79 DATSUN 210 KEEPS RIGHT ON GOING.

| he Datsun 210 Sports Wagon even offer. You're getting 12 cubic
T- new for ‘79, Add it up. feet more cargo Capacity than

You're buying at least 2.0 you'd get with the Cor agon.
fewer litres of gas per 1OO kilo- Forts economy ioe Pe

metres’ than you'd need to with ‘79 Datsun 210 Sports Wa
a Pinto. Plus a much longer listof adds up to unbeatable value.
standard features, And Datsun dares to put Its six

You're getting a. longer, | ear ant a
roomier, wider inferiorthan youd hnwitig, ey en ee :

get in a Honda Civic wagon. The new esis

 Youcon gefagassevng Dest eo THERE DAT

o S-speed transmission that it at your [DATSUN|
2-1 the Civic wagon doesn't

local dealer, 21-s10-sronrauox-20e ex-2b0 2X

HE NEW)
A || L THERE'S MQ MORE FUTURE IN A DATSUN.

Actual consu tumption hoow
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