36 ~ Sunday, April 12, 1987 - North Shore News Lifestyles __ WHY ARE CHILDREN UNHAPPY BRATS? Parents should make the rules MISS MANNERS is the warmest possible enthusiast for tolerance of — and disinterested admiration for — cultures and standards different from one’s own. Toleration is an essential factor in her own nobie profession. She feels, and is elated to see of- fichal recognition of, sympathy for the injustices done to subjugated peoples and their right to decide their own fate, !f etiquette has one moral precept, it is that the strong shall voluntarily relinquish their ability to prevail by force. by Judith Martin - Se ees Despite her bizarre personal ex- perience’ ‘of finding herself to be always in the right, Miss Manners believes that the rights and wrongs of different” groups, especially in- cluding: one’s ‘ own, “are. _Farely determined simply. “Jt-is true that all this stuff crept into’ high school civics ‘sometime after Miss Manners passed’ the course, but it seems to her that it has a great deal to do with some of the things t!iat were supposed to be in there a‘ the time — equality, democracy, the basic freedoms. Nevertheless, the prevailing ap- : proach seems to.have taken a'toll se * Cazing foi Sonia " PROFESSIONALLY TREATED ‘naturally bewildered © when on the relations between what have come to be mistakenly defined as two separate cultures with conflic- ting interests, but cqual rights: parents and children. Miss Manners cherishes the no- tion that parents mean well by their children, and therefore has harbored - various theories about why they are turning out so many unhappy brats, Deluded by the notion that civi- lization imposes paralyzing restric- tlons on the natural goodness with which human beings are born, many modern parents have hero- ically ‘refrained from interfering: with their enildren's instincts. There is a littl something wrong with their premise. If we are all born good, why don’t we want to share our toys? But, anyway, the idea was to ailow the children to be free, cre- ative and happy, and parents were the children turned out to be miserable and rude. (The children eventually grow up to be even more bewildered about why their parents didn’t prepare them for life —~ as Miss Manners hears from them by every mail delivery). What Miss Manners is now ask- ing herself is how much the more basic, fine concepts upon which we all agree about politics and culture are being misapplied to child-rear- ing, or rather..the lack | of it. Perhaps this is why we have a crisis of _ parental confidence, which keeps well-meaning people from _ doing their parental duties. Yes, we believe in democracy, but it is not appropriate for minors. Children should have their wishes heard and considered, but cannot have decision-making ,' powers or even an equal voice in — * matters that concern their welfare. Feel up ‘to Paar We" re the professionals” your needs MANENT HAIR REMOVAL r over.18 years EXPERIENCED ELECTROLOGISTS BY CEATIFIED, CALL FOR A FREE CONSULTATION AND ' COMPLIMENTARY TREATMENT EVEN ING APPOINTMENTS AVA! VANCOUVER .'W. VANCOUVER N. VANCOUVER 605 - 825 .Granvilie, Van. - (Medical Arte Building) coy SCA - C59 Clyde Ave. *- 117 E téth, N. Van. Yes, we are all fallible (present writer excepted), but that does not excuse us from the need ta eatg lish practical working stan- da. Js, stick by them and pass them on to our children, Yes, different people do things different ways that may turn out to be just as good as ours, but never- theless, our own way of doing things is our own and ought not to be abandoned. Yes, we believe in a social con- sensus, bul parents have the obligation to make the rules in their own households, without be- ing swayed by other, perhaps lower, standards of other parents, or the even less relevant practices and preferences of their children's peers, Yes, it is difficult to sort out right and wrong, but most adults come to know cach when they sec: It's our way of. saying that we're as fresh and new as the day we first opened our doors. In fact, we've brought in some © - particularly exciting pieces and priced literally , hundreds of items at. considerably less than usual e Upholstered pieces @ Occasional chairs e Fine Case goods © Lamps, accessories. Join the big Celebration. It begins bright and early, when we open our doors today. it, and they should teach their children the distinctions. Under the old regime, this was known as ‘Yes, I know you're not happy with this, but right or wrong, I’m your parent and I'm trying to do what's best for you, so you'll just have to put up with my judgment | until you’ ‘re an adult yourself,"” Call it dictatorship™ or im- perialism if you like. Miss Manners knew it as parenting. DEAR MISS MANNERS — fam a vegetarian and have not prepared ment in my home for about four years. 1 feel very comfortable with this practice, as does my im- mediate famlly. My concern arises in entertain- ing guests or other family members who have been quite vocal-in ex- pressing their disapproval of my -epoking’ and eating habits. Is it ime, appropriate for me to serve a meatless dinner to those guests I know would prefer meat? If f have house guests for an ex- tended visit, may I omit all meats from their diet while they stay with as is the custom in my home, bul not theirs? GENTLE READER — Hospitality requires that you feed nourishing and palatable meals to such guests as you have. around at mealtime, but not that you violate your con- victions to do so. People arc sup- posed to visit one another for the company, so there are no absolute staples such as meat, or liquor for that matter, required.. — However, this works beth ways. When you are a guest, Miss Man- ners trusts that you do: not try to order special meals, but just eat what you can of what. is: ‘served. “Register for the § 1 000. Grand Prize. Drawing- You could be the winner of $1000 in merchandise of your” choice. Enter now. No purchase required. Drawing wll be held April 30. . This Week ‘ is the. _ ist Anniversary of our. Grand Opening: and-we' re celebrating with: s ome: of 2 4240 MANOR ST., BURNABY, B.C. (% block West of, Sheraton villa ina: : HOURS: Monday to Saturday 9 to 5.p.m. « ° Friday 9to 9 p.m. « Sunday Noon to 5 pm.