60 ~ Wednesday, December 9, 1992 — North Shore News No excuse for ignoring guests’ generosity DEAR MISS MANNERS -— Our son was married after 2 five-year courtship and a two-year engagement, on a date established more than a year in advance, to follow his bride’s graduation from college and his graduation from law school. Alter a three-week European honeymoon of story-book propor- tions, the couple returned to our ikome, while our son pursued his review for the bar examination. Two weeks after the honey- moon, the bride visited one of her wedding attendants and returned to inform her husband that she had taken a job as a waitress in that distant city, and that she would be sharing a house with one of his groomsmen. She suggested that he follcw her after the bar exam, but she has cefused to live with him since that time, choosing instead to share her bed with others. The marviage has, from her standpoint, totally deteriorsted. Several hundred gifts were received at the event, which wzs attended by about 600 people, mostly friends of the groom’s family, as we had primarily fi- nanced {he event in our church (the bride’s choice) and the recep- tion was at one of our clubs. As you probably suspect, she has not written thank-you fetters, although our son had written ap- proximately 20% of them. We do not believe that his wife will pursue the project, and under the circumstances, all wedding gifts will be his preperty. wucith Martin MISS MANNERS My son’s emotional state is such that it is not practical to expect bim to handle this obligation, and since the wedding took place nore than six months ago, we cannot centinue to delay. My wife now plans to write wotes of appreciation, but we need suggestions about the wording. Those who have knewn our short-term daughter-in-law feel that she is experiencing a severe personality disorder and that a reference to her emotional state should be made as an explanation Reservist considering military as his career From page 39 But move away from the town and the war makes itself plainly evident. “You can drive half an hour out of our camp and see buildings CH RISTMAS Join us for coffee on Friday, December 11 from 12-6 p.m. Why suffer in vein? . professional medical service © Sclerucherapy - nonsurgical procedure © Eliminate pain and discomfort ® Remove unsightly veins © Used effectively in Europe [axi0 SPECIAL "tse 2 FOR 59 | TOTEM COLOR FILM LABS LTD. 119 East ist Street, NVancouver 986-2271 TREATMENT OF VARICOSE AND SPIDER V° Spider veins before LONSDALE VEIN CLINIC Dr. FE Stasiak, M.D. #307-1200 Lonsdale Ave., North Varpcouver 985-3330 just blown right to pieces,”? Couch said. Couch has been serving with the - local militia for 12 years and is considering making the military a career. Scar OPEN HOUSE OPEN HOUSE From 56; 3-6 p.m. | © Framing help available * Advice on restering old photos * Kodak rep available to answer your technical questions NS and after cresement of why my wife is writing the notes. I think it is poor form, and ['m also concerned about tegal and ethical consequences. Although consultat:s say it is inappropriate to attempt fo return the gifts, we would welcome your input on this subject. GENTLE READER Not written her thank-you letters? Is there something lacking in this bride’s sense of the obligations involved in marriage? Bless your wife’s heart for undertaking this job under hor- rendously difficult circumstances. Even tragedy does no. excuse ig- noring the gencrosity of others. Explaining what really happen- ed would only make both the task and the situation more difficult. If your son hasn’t felt up to telling you not to give people the oppor- tunity to bandy this fiasco about as a joke, Miss Manners will. And while it is a staple of eti- quette to attribute rude behavior to indisposition, offering a psychiatric diagnosis is, as you point out, dangerous. Your other advisers are technically correct in that the recipients of wedding presents are obliged to return them only if the wedding is canceled. But this marriage can be said not to have begun — the bride certainly is right about that, al- United Way of the Lower ne For Chris ctmas BE DEVIOUS Here's a sneaky way to measure his or her head for a Tilley Hat! Measure the waist, wrist, head. (just above the eyebrows), chest, knee .. SHE OR HE WONT KNOW WHATS Tilley _ Waele Was: > inchs: eae and Jonn Tilley. independent trteners. 1194 Murine at Pemberton v7e isa 987-6424 (in strip mall behind Shel! Station) Granville ver iwe 732 North Vancouver, Vancouver, 1537 Broadway at G Open 10 - 5:30 B*Baceese: Por a Pree catalopue, tall Cree Qur Founder & ae lew though what it could have ‘deteriorated’? from is aot so clear — and Miss Manners strong- ly suggests your returning the presents. The accompanying note should thank peopie for their kindness, while noting that your son feels ine . cannot keep their offezing, as the marriage has been dissoived. DEAR MISS MANNERS — A muie friend says it is proper eti- quette, when he is on a date, for him (o butter bis date’s bread. I say he should just pass the bread. I get a free dinner if he’s wrong. GENTLE READER — You get a free dinnev, but it will hardly be worth all the work you will have to de. You will have to butter your own bread, and cut up your own meat, and wipe your own lit- tle rosebud mouth afterward with your very own napkin. If you eat your vegetables only by pretending that they are in an airplane, headed fer your mouth which is the hangar, you have to do thet without his aid, too. Miss Manners does not argue against the performance of small courtesies by saying that practical assistance is not requized. You will not find her condoning the rudeness of ladies who reject hav- ing doors opened for them, on the grounds that they have the strength to perform this task themselves. Miss Manners hopes you have the same mixed feeiings about this as she does. Offers to be of ser- vice in this world may not be re- quired of etiquette, but they are not unappreciated by etiquette, ei- ther. 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