a a “ts , ty , é ‘ * “ee ‘ le q ‘ ‘ t , i t ¢ £ ‘ 3 : ‘ e £ i ‘ ‘ é ‘ oft < Jd i se gremane t t : 46 - Sunday, May 5, 1985 - North Shore News Introducing brother's fiancee EAR MISS MANNERS—My brother is engaged to a lovely young woman, and my question concerns proper introductions during their engagement period. Should the fact that she is ‘ my brother's fiancee be in- ‘cluded in the introduction, or should she be allowed to stand on her own identity? Does this differ depending on the situation and who is doing the introducing? | GENTLE READER — The irony of today’s misguided search for conventionality never ceases to amuse Miss Manners. While you are kindly con- cerned .that your future sister-in-law’s identity may be compromised by the in- formation that she is engag- ed to be married, thousands of unengaged couples are demanding the right to an- This can be very frustrating, because although they are always pleased to see me and to help me with my thesis, quite often I would like to hear more about an idea, experi- ence, etc. that has come up during conversation and pi- qued my interest and carios- ity. However, I can’t pursue it because-1 don’t feel nounce to everyone what itis they privately mean to each Other. Marriage is a legal matter,.- Jegitimately of interest to society; other romance are not. The ties of engagement or marriage are made known, but. categories such as ‘‘lover’’ or “boy(girlfriend”’ are not. In business situations, a lady’s. marital status is ir- relevant, but there is no social -situation in which _Mentioning the engagement interferes with. her ‘“‘identi- -ty.”? Similarly, your brother would be introduced as her fiance, and later her hus- - band. DEAR MISS MANNERS _ Jam a graduate student and loving it, but I find that many of my professors sre such interesting people that I wish I could) know them socially as friends, outside . the classroom. Cuan this be done . without. violating |. ‘taboos against - student- facultry fraternization, and without. compromising their professional integrity or my . Feputation as a student? 1am a woman in my 40s, happily married, with almost grown children, and most of my professors are in a simi- "Jar situation, so i'm not talking about affairs. . :- Vm talking about simple : friendship —. sharing experi- : ences. and ideas, getting to know each other, ete. * . Contacts’ within the pro-. * fessor’s office are strictly { professional because of time - { constraints, “other . sional commitments, profes- etc., : and so. our: time - together ~ * must necessarily: be: limited’ : to questions: concerning my ' sehoolwork. ‘ ; forms .of ii by Judith Martin justified in taking up his-her limited .time for things that to my are not related ONE CODPON FER CUSTOMER... ON 20 VISITS > (Reg. $65) WITH THIS AD. (9984-9656 oA iNOS This Weeks bs vecal Mey y-12 Baby Cohoe Salmon Nome Pe ou " Fresh Halibut poached with Hollanaise sauce. . Chicken Cordon Bleu. . 2.2.6.0... eee eee $12.50 1373 Marine Drive West Vancouver RESTAURANT schoolwork. In other words, I feel that his-her office is neither the time nor the place to socialize. As noted above, this pro- blem has not been adequate- ly dealth with, and it is one which I know that other students share. Also, being human, professors surely must want to get fo know some of their students better in a non-classrrom framework. This may sot be a problem where professors and students are of the same sex, but male professors and female students could cause gossip no matter how inno- cent their motive and intent. T recognize also that there is a very real danger of fe- male students becoming in- fatuated with male pro- fessors, and that campus policies are designed to pro- tect both the student and the instructor from harassment situations. However, mosi of us — students and faculty alike — are interested in each other as fellow human beings, for what we can teach each other and for what we can learn about each other, as well as about ourselves. GENTLE READER — Campus rules are getting stricter about what we shall 107-260 W. ESPLANADE NORFH VANCOUVER “$12.50 926-4913 Fitness is a national issue. We call it Body Politics. . & call extracurricular activities between student and pro- fessor, exactly to guard against the possibilities you mention of harassment and favoritism. And suspected affairs are not required to bring on the charge of favoritism — your innocent hospitality could be inter- preted as what, in similar times, was called ap- ple-polishing. , This is not to say that Miss Manners herself suspects you of any such thing. Indeed, she sym- pathizes with your friendly impulse and can suggest two ways of satisfying it without compromising anyone’s rep- utation, Recognizing that, unlike most students, you have a househeld in which to enter-. tain, share the advantage of .- it. When you invite the pro- . fessor, invite other students - as well — either the whole | class, or those engaged: in a : particular project or even a. particular class discussion. Or just wait until the ° course is over until you in-.. vite the professor. 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