44 ~ Wednesday, April 3, 1991 - North Shore News

Q. MY GIRLFRIEND and I realize that no method of

contraception is 100 per cent effective.

We are both

determined not to get pregnant, because abortion is out of
the question and we aren’t ready for marriage and parent-
hood. We use condoms because she can’t take the pill. In
addition, we use spermicidal gels.

Dr. Ruth
Westheimer

ASK DA. RUT!

One of her friends said we are
being {90 careful, because one
contraceptive method can cancel
out another. We've heard of this.
Have you? And, if it’s true, what
should we do? Also, this friend
implied that people wko are as
cautious as we are probably aren’t
very highly sexed. What about
thut? .

A. {t is true that some gels have
a detrimental effect on condoms.
In other words, they might eat
tiny holes in them. I suggest you
talk to a doctor or a birth-control
counselor who can tell you exactly
which gels might create this situa-
tion.

Bravo to both of you for being
so responsible about birth control!
You are right to be careful until
you are ready for marriage and
parenthood. In this case, it is
possible to be too careful only if
you are choosing the wrong gel. It
is not true that responsible people
aren't highly sexed. The friend
may be jealous of your good rela-
tionship. :

Q. My husband is a hypoction-
driac. Recently he celebrated his
65th birthday by checking himself
into the hospita! for a thorough
physical. His doctor said he’s in
good health, but that’s not
enough for him. On some days,

School holds
spring sale

SEYMOUR HEIGHTS Elemen-
tary School is holding a Good As
New Sale on Saturday, April 29
from 1 to 3 p.m.

All types of merchandise, will be
accepted and sold on consign-
ment. Items for sale will include
summer clothing, baby equipment,
designer wear, toys, and sports
equipment.

All submissions must be in good
as new condition. Clothes should
be clean, pressed and suitable for
summer. Organizers say they are
determined to maintain high
standards so people know what to
expect each time the sale is of-
fered.

Items for sale should be
Gelivered to the eymnasium at
Seymour Heights Elementary
School, 2640 Carnation Street,
North Vancouver, on Friday,
April 19 from 7 to 8:30 p.m. or
on Saturday April 20 from 9 to 10
a.m.

The pick-up time for cheques
and unsold merchandise is Satur-
day, April 20 from 4 to 5 p.m.

For more information and
details on how to submit items
call 929-4223; 929-1349; 929-2116.

he’s convinced he will die of a
heart attack because his mother
did. On other days, he’s sure he'll
go of cancer ike his father.

AH this worrying about his
health doesn’t inhibit his desire,
but it’s certainly inhibiting mine.
He talks all evening about his
bowels and bladder, his blood

pressure and cholesterol readings
— and then he expects me to be
ready for lovemaking. Ha! How

. well help

LIFESTYLES

‘e they being too careful?

can f get myself in the mood for
sex after that?

A. You can't! And tell him |
said so. If he wants to make love.
he will have to talk and behave
like a lover.

Tell him, “Honey. you can't
expect me tO be ready for
jovemaking after an evening of
listening to your medical reports.
All { can think about is your
health and how upset I would be
if at:thing happened to you. Who
can make love with such thoughts
in her head?”’ Then, if he stil! in-
sists On giving you updates about
his health, change the subject by
saying, ‘‘! was thinking sexy
thoughts about you. Please don’t
mention your bowels at a time like

this!”
Q. Is it possible to have a
platonic friendship with a man

who really wants to have sex with
you? My best friend is a man. We
are both in our early 30s and have
known each other since childhood.
Our friendship has survived his
marriage and divorce and many
bosfriencs on my side.

Over the years we've flirted
with the idea of having sex, but
have not seriously considered it.
Since his divorce last year, he has
let me know on several occasions
that his feelings have changed. He
wants sex and friendship. He says
we can have it all. I don’t know
about that. | would hate to jose
his friendship over sex. What can

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1 do to keep him in line?

A, [Introduce him to a wonder-
ful woman who will want to go to
bed with him. When he is involv-
ed with someone new, his sexual
interest in you will probably
recede (o that comfortable level of
“flirting with the idea.’

I don't know if it’s possible tor
you and him to have sex and
friendship, but it is possible for
many couples to do so. Often
friendship that blossoms into sex-
ual love creates the most enduring
relationship. But I am not trying
to convince you to have sex with
this particular man. I’m only sug-
gesting you might broaden your
definition of who is a suitable sex
partner,