C8 - Sunday, September 26, 1982 - North Shore News

LEARNING ACCEPTANCE

QUESTION: The other night
I sat down and had a serious
look at my past.... I was able
to see where I was wrong. It
was to do with seeing where
maybe I deserved the cruel
treatment that I received

through elementary and high
school.

I was a quiet, gentle kid;
never got into fights, never
did anything to make my
parents ashamed of me; was
really sort of in the
background... Whenever
someone would offer me a
joint or ask me to go to a
party, I would reject the
offer because I had my
“Christian” values.... and did
not want to break my morals

Forgiving those people has
been hard and I realize the
Bible tells me I must forgive
those who have done me
wrong, 30 that’s a basic
principle.

STEWART: As you see, I
had to cut your lengthy

letter, but I believe I have
included most of what you
wanted to say.

Your conviction that to
“forgive those who have
done wrong to you” is a
biblical principle, prompts
me to suggest that in your
case, forgiving YOURSELF
may well need to come first.
It seems to me you have
been harder on yourself than

which were important to me. you would be on others.

Maybe my SQUARE aat-
dtude was what put the other
kids off me.... and was the
primary cause of my not
having true lasting friends....
now 1 see a basis to make
changes, but it is difficult for
me to step out and take a
chance....

I don't drink or go to bars
or discos and partying is just
not my idea of having a good
time. What's wrong with
that? People have told me
my “Christian ways” have
left me narrow,.shallow and
basically a bore.... I am not
a bible thumper and iI
respect people who don't
agree with me, but can't I be
ME and still have the respect
of people without doing a lot
of activities that are just not
my style?

I'm open to having
friends, but the feeling of
“will they accept me?” Is a
big thing to me. [ve ex-
perienced rejection from a
lot of people, but I still
believe I can’t be that bad,
can I? ‘I wish I could say to
each of those individuals,
sorry for anything I sald or
did that may have put you
off. But I still feel I must
accept myself and not be so
concerned about whether
they will like me..... 1 tend
to took for the worst in every
situation.

Forgive yourself for that,
and then your acceptance of
yourself as you are will
become more rewarding.
You ask, “Can’t I be me and
still have the respect of
people without doing a lot of

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activities that are not my

style?”

Which prompts me to say

‘that if you do NOT accept
yourself and respect yourself

it is probably because you
have not yet learned how to
really be your true self. You
sound like you are pretty

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. He will
be at the International Plaza every Tuesday from 9:30 a.m.

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