FORGETTING ABOUT DEBTS

QUESTION: I have a most
uncomfortable way with
money and bill. I have
never been very systematic
and so I sometimes I neglect
paying my bills and get into
the experience of businesses
getting after me to pay up.
With stores, I always pay up
eventually, although it may
be after I have received
requests and warnings. I've
never really got into any sort
of troubles. But what bothers
me most is the amounts I
owe to individuals. You
won't believe what happens.
rll owe something to

somebody and just not pay
it. My intentions are good,
don't turn my

bat I in-

tentions into deeds.

Then, after a while they'll
ask me about it; I always feel
awful and promise to pay
right away. Well, you
guessed it — I just don’t
come through. I really in-
tend to — but I just don’t do
it. The next happening is
that after I've gone a while
without paying, even though
I have every intention of
doing it, then I get to the
piace where I don't want to
pay so late. I feel like I ought
to apologize and to talk to
the person and not have
them mad at me or with a
poor opinion of me. So, if a
bill is long overdue, it is
harder for me than ever. |

The trouble with money

keep putting it aside until |
can have a talk with the
person I owe. But because
that is hard for me, I put it
off and put it off and ff I
don’t get any dunners, I
simply do not pay up.

I am not really an
unreliable person who is
simply not trustworthy. So,
of course, I am always
feeling guilty about being
behind in my payments. This
seems to be a way of life with
me. I just cannot be as
systematic as I would like to
be. That's just the way I am.
I don't have a lot of hope
that Fll change. I've tried
hard enough, believe me.
What do you suggest?

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling.

STEWART: This un-
systematic way of hfe of
yours is not making any
contribution to your hap-
piness. In fact, as you point
out, it is making you feel
guilty and ashamed of
yourself. First, get out of
your head that you have
always been unsystematic
and always will be. If you
decide you'll always be that
way, then, of course you
will. So, instead of thinking
of doing the difficult job of
making yourself disciplined
and systematic, think rather
of doing yourself the big
favour of getting rid of your
guilt and indecision. Be kind

- to yourself and pay your bills

for the express purpose of
making yourself happier.
The people you owe will
benefit too, but do this good
thing for yourself. You are
worried and unhappy when
you don't pay your bills. So
pay them! It’s as simple as
that. Forget about making
yourself a disciplined person
with cute little systems to
keep you that way. Rather,
give yourself a treat. Pay
your bulls and escape the
hassle you are giving
yourself when you don't do
it.

Different roads to peace

QUESTION: Did you go on
the Peace March to the
border?

STEWART: No. Quite often
I talk bigger than I act. I
encouraged others to go. But
the truth of it is, | have other
ways to push the peace

offensive that seem to fit into
my way of hfe a bit better
than demonstrations.

I am_ grateful for the
obviously rising tide of
millions who want an end to
nuclear weapons etc. and
their demonstrations do

something worthwhile that |
am not doing, but I feel good
about the bit Ido.

“Tl do it my way” while
I'm thanking God that others
are doing it their way. There
are lots of ways ... the thing
is to get it done.

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