24 — Sunday, May 168, 1999 — North Shore News north shore news __ }JEALTH jan reclaims life with support from THIS is the second of a nvo-part series about alcoholisn and seniors. This final instalment is a._first-person account by North Shore wsident CM. age 69, who joined Alcoholic Anonymous nvo vears ago. MY wife and I were wonderfully compatible during our long mar- riage. Health nuts, some called us, no drinking, no smoking, lots of good exercise and nose- to-the-grindstone jobs for us both. After retirement, we planned to sce the world, and had long saved toward that goal. Long before we retired, we had our fiture plans well outlined. : We never made it. It was I who postponed the start of our first big journey — to attend a fraternity reunion. And it was I who was driving the car two weeks later when my careless- ness caused the accident that ended my wife’s lite. Ata tew months past 65, I was sound and healthy of body, but devastated emotionally and spiritually, Every day 1 was eaten alive by guilt. Nobody could console me. My self-pity was an impenetrable shell around me. Finally, my friends stopped trying to shake me out of it. I suppose they thought it best to fet me work out of it alone. 1 became a recluse. I ate and functioned, but that was all. I was hardly living, lonely s m OPE Ave. TALKING AGES Nas 9909 MAINTENANCE $ i 9S . : eel Filter Extra Includes: Road Test « TransCheck 21 Plus® Service © Removing the Pan © Cleaning the Sump & Screen** @ Replace the Pan Gasket & Fluid ¢ Adjust the Bands & Linkage** Limit: One Coupon Per Customer Must not be combined with other otters. EXPIRES May 31/99 $100° OFF “ANY INTERNAL AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION REPAIR -_ - Must not be combined with other offers. Limit: One Coupon per customer. EXPIRES: MAY 31/99 REMEMBER SHOPPING STONG'S? WELL, HOW YOU CAN AGAIN! SHOP BY PHONE, FAX, EMAIL | OR ON-LINE! IT’S THAT EASY? From Deep Cove to Lions Bay ‘Stong's Express will deliver your groceries right to your front door. PHONE: 266-5191 FAX: 266-5199 - EMAIL: cori_bonina@bc.sympatico.ca - ON-LINE: www.stongs.com 8 AVAILABLE MONDAY TO FRIDAY EXCEPT HOLIDAYS | - ORDERS MUST BE RECEIVED BY 11:00 AM AND WILL BE DELIVERED THE FOLLOWING DAY SATURDAY DELIVERIES ARE AVAILABLE BUT ORDERS MUST BE RECEIVED BY 11:00AM FRIDAY. and bored and totally con- vinced thar Twas good for nothing. ‘The day 1 took my annual physical with my old doctor, a trend, he told me I was in top physical shape, but mentally, 1 was in trouble. When he suggested that I take up residence in a large senior-citizen retirement home — a plush rest home where I could get housekeeping and meals and whatever compan- ionship f could decide to accept — IT took his suggestion and closed up our fine apart- ment. The retirement home had activities, and I participated in a few of them. Slowly, I began to let down my _ barriers. Nothing could ever replace my dead wife or our plans that never would be, but T loosened a little. For the first couple of months, f took a “leave of absence” every afternoon. Sometimes a visit to a museum, ora movie. And always a walk alone in sorte park before get- ting back for dinner. One day, I returned early and discovered my friends hav- ing drinks in the recreation room. I never knew they had well-arranged cocktail hours before dinner. Late that afternoon, I found myself accepting my first relaxing drink. I was told: “Ir'll be good for whar ails you.” Later, I was to reason continuously that the after- nvon drink was made in order to perk me up, to combat nerves, to wet a fragile appetite, to aid digestion. An early nightcap was an induce- ment to sounder sleep. I have heard young people in AA tell how they discovered their first drinks — at age 15 or 16 — a whole new, brightly coloured world. [ felt that way at 65. | wondered where I] had been all my life. What had 1 been missing with that health stuf? “It was after my 66th birthday that I began to suspect the others were talking about my drinking.” Within a few weeks, I found that the wo drinks the staff mixed for each of us at cocktail hour were not enough. I wane- ed more of this good thing. And I noticed that several oth- ers, both men and women, were adding to their “happy- hour” allotment by a nip before or after the party. I began following suit, smuggling in my own half- pints. From the very beginning I was getting a head start or prolonging the festivities. God, the things I munched and sipped to climinate the odour (I thought): coffec grounds; lots of mints and mouthwash, constant teeth-brushing. T never made a spectacle of myself If I fell, or rather, when I fell, 3t was when I was alone. I passed out alone. I some- times missed Junch or dinner, but I was always up for break- fast — to prove FE wasn’r a morning drinker. But E always took the first one long before noon, It was after my 66th dirth- day that T began to suspeet the others were talking about my drinking. I suppose much of it was my own imagination, but some may in fact have noticed. 1 had wild visions of being spied on. My reaction was to withdraw, to be alone, as I had after the tragedy when my wite died. All this resulted, of course, in my decision to move out on these nosy “fake friends,” whom I was firmly convinced I had never wanted in the first place. I moved back into an apartment. There I could be my own boss. I spent my 67th birthday in a drunk tank, arrested for drunken driving. No one knew about this but a lawyer friend, who arranged the sentencing and fine without public dis- grace. After that, I was more cau- tious when I drank. Always in solitude. 1 had taken a second- floor apartment to be more invisible. But I managed to take a drunken fall dowa a flight of stairs and wound up iit the hospital. I howled in protest when I came to and realized where I was. But, incredible as it sounds, my family doctor — the one who had recommend- ed the rest home — had been transferred to the alcoholism section of that hospital. He was told about me by the emer- genev medics. By the time I had had my broken arm tend- ed to, that doctor of mine had convinced me that the easiest way out of my predicament was to give in and do as F was told — go to AA. There were daily rap ses- sions and evening AA meet- ings, and I went along with all of it, ac first to get “merit badges” toward carly release. But somewhere along the line I got sold. How clear — everything became to me! How casily 1 admitted and accepted. I real- ized that [ didn’t want what I though I had earned — the pink clouds of a booze trip. I wanted sobriety as I fad known it during all those years when my wife and J were plan- ning a glorious old age. I had briefly messed up mine, burt it didn’t have to remain that way. Imagine this: I left the seclusion cf my lonely apart- ment and went back to that setiremeny home. Now I’m _ surrounded by nv new friends. No other AAs, but people I can love and hel; as I love the AA members wi whom I share those glorious Meetings. Recently, the woman who runs the home told me what a cheering effect I have on the other residents. She said, “I wish I had a dozen like you; there would be fewer com- plaints.” I didn’t tell her it was all because of AA. Right now, f am wholly anonymous here. When I feel it is the right time, I will tell her where the “new” me comes from. I still attend those cocktail parties with all the others, but there’s not a drop of alcohol in my drinks. You sec, the only other AA person here is the hostess who serves us. She makes my drinks specially. It’s our little secret and I am happy’ to leave it that way for now. I have noticed a couple of other retirees who might be headed in the direction I rook. Who knows when I will ‘open up to share my experi- ence with one of them? Asthmatics needed for study bid VOLUNTEERS inter- ested in participating in an asthma education study can attend a meeting on Monday at the Lonsdale RecCentre. Asthma specialist Dr: Michael Mandl is heading the province-wide study. The study endeavors to educate asthmatics about how to self-manage the chronic condition and improve quali- yy of life. Participants. must be between age 12 and 75. The free public meeting starts at 6:30 p.m. at the Esplanade Room of the Lonsdale RecCentre, 123 East 23rd St. For more infor- mation, call 876-2440.