C8 - Wednesday, April 13, 1983 - North Shore News

QUESTION: I heard you
give a lecture in New West-
minster on CHOOSING —
as a LIFE PROCESS. I wrote
down one of the principles
you discussed because it
seemed to me at the time
that it said a lot that I wanted
to explore. The one I mean
is, LET GO EVERYTHING
YOU ARE DONE WITH.

There are so many things in

my life that, intellectually, I
am “done with” but which |
find very difficult to relin-
quish. In my mind, I know,
for example, that I am no
longer wanting to be depen-
dent on my parents. But the
fact is, I still allow myself
that thing ['m done with.
Will you tell me some things
to think about that will help
me “let go” of past attach-

etting things go

ments that are immature or
worn-out or ready for up-

grading?

STEWART: I like your “up-
grading” idea. You don't
want to say “to heck with
them” concerning your
parents. But you ARE ready
to rid yourself of your cling-
ing addiction to them.
Right?

ask hayden stewart

ES

breelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 201-6242
forappotniments for individual family or group counselling.

I've got an idea! I've never YOU ARE DONE WITH, _ leaving behind? How did you
shared it before in the hear this: go about it? Are you pleased
column, but perhaps it will Why not write a brief with your procedure or are

be interesting. Any of our
readers who are learning to

letter to the column describ-

you stumped? What
ing your experience of

LET GO EVERYTHING

letting go? What are you

questions do you have? How
would you answer the letter

Wife accused of bein
By cheating husband

‘vindictive’

QUESTION: Ili leave it up
to you. | think my wife is
really vindictive. but I'll give
you the story and then Id
like your comments. | just
wish she was more forgiving.
She accidentally stumbled
on something that made her
suspicious of me and she
asked me straight out if 1 had
cheated on her.

1 hate lying and so I! ad-
mitted right away, not only
what 1 had done but that I
had always had a problem
keeping on the straight and
marrow. You might say I
“confessed my sins” and

admitted | was not purely

/\

o
\%

angelic. She is a Christian
and I fully expected her to
forgive me and understand,
but she is not like that. She
says she has to think about
it. She wants more time.

I said to her, look I've
admitted I did wrong, I can't
do more than that about
something that’s in the past.
And I've asked her what she
wants. She said yesterday,
“Fm not sure what more |
want, but I want
SOMETHING more.”
Meanwhile she’s not very
friendly to say the least.

I say she’s vindictive.
What do you say?

STEWART: She may be
vindictive. 1 don't know. She
is angry and disappointed
and. (I would = guess)
bewildered by your “con-

fession” and by the options
she studies as she tmes to
choose how to react to the
scenanio that 1s unfolding. It
may seem Strange to her that

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although you are the guy
who “confessed his sins”
(AFTER he _ had been

discovered) you are also the
guy who seems to be giving
nothing, but expecting a lot.
It may seem to her that your
“confession” is simply to

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make HER responsible for
the next loving move: I get
that feeling myself. it’s like
you're saying, “Hey. I'm not
responsible for anything,
I've already confessed. It’s
up to you now.”

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