HELP’S AT Hand, by North Shore Cammunity Services (NSCS), is a forum for discussing government policies and pro- grams, benefits, consumer and legal rights, taxation and public services, Answers are intended only as a general guide and should not be applied to individual cases without further consultation. This week we will continue to answer a question asked in tast week's column by the neighbor of an elderly and frail woman. She wondered what the police would do if she called them because her Beighbor was being physically abused by ber Busband who has Alzheimer's disease and whom she was caring for. Answer; Your neighbcr has been told by the doctor that her husband cannot be admitted to a hospital uniess he agrees to go, or unless he is declared mentally in- capable and someone else makes this decision for him. In last week’s column we said that he likely wouldn’: be charged with assaulting her because, due to his illness, he isn’t capable of understanding the nature of the assault, or that it is wrong. And yet, the doctor does not consider him mentally incapable enough to certify him and take away his legal rights. Under the circumstances it may seem to you that this state of affairs is very confusing and that your neighoor is only further victimized by it. Once we reach the age of 19 years in British Columbia, we en- joy all the rights and privileges of an adult. Doctors and the courts will not take away those rights until a persou becomes so in- capable that he or she cannot make personal decisions or look after his or her property. Your neighbor’s husband is probably able to make some deci- sions but not others. The law does not yet provide any way of deal- ing with varying levels of ability. Under current laws, we’re either capable or we're not. Unfortu- nately, as you have seen, life doesn’t work that way; our ability can vary a great deal depending on the circumstances. It would be wrong to concen- Different family backgrounds produce different value systems From page 43 psychotherapist! Bill O'Hanlon, _ who coined the phrase Love is a Verb, the workshop will em- phasize the uniqueness of each relationship. _ **We'll be giving some ideas to stimulate your own creativity,’’ says Blassnitz. “*But,”’ adds Bell-Gadsby, ‘“‘The cere is to really engineer 2 plan that works for you.’’ **A lot of the couples work that is done focuses on the negative,”’ . Says Bell-Gadsby. ‘“We think it’s more heipful for relationships and therapy in general to focus on positive goals and the positive future.”” The philosophy of the workshop is that positive change can be effected by empowering people with the skills they already Possess, rather than by focusing on past problems. In addition to dealing with in- timacy, patterns of relating, sex- uality, communication, and needs ‘and values, Blassnitz and Bell- Gadsby will also address the issue of what is a healthy relationship. ‘*{t has to be safe, where each party is not physically threatened, Ror where there is a lot of intel- lectual manipulation, threats or game playing,’’ asserts Bell-. scheduled as foilows: Gadsby. ‘‘it also has to be as equal as possible in terms of shar- ing household business, as well as enjoyment and pleasure. And friendship is really a kev element. “One thing we want to stress in the workshop is that every rela- tionship has difficulties, and that it’s work. But it can be fun work. _ 10 suggestions for a happy relationship 1. Create a vision of how you want your relationship to be. 2. Understand and communicate each of your needs and values. 3. Negotiate to have your impor- tant needs met, but don’t expect your partner to fulfill all of Craft fair THE ST. Thomas Christmas Craft Fair, an annual event, will be held on Sunday, Nov, 3 fom 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at 541 West Keith Rd. in North Van- couver. The fair will feature crafts from 90 professional artists throughout the Lower Mainland, Vancouver Island and the Sunshine Coast. NOTICE TO MOTORISTS PORTEAU BLUFFS ROCK SCALING PROJECT SEATO-SKY HIGHWAY 99 The Ministry of Transportation and Highways advises that there will be week- m day closures on the Sea-to-Sky Highway at Porteau Bluffs, 25 km north of § 4. Horseshoe Bay, from Monday September 30 unti! Friday November 1. The @@ ,. closures are needed for rock scaling, bolting and blasting work. Closures are .: Monday to Thursday *. 12:00 Midnight - 5:30 AM 10:00 AM - 12:30 Noon 1:30 PM —- 4:00 PM There will be no closures on Friday afternoons, weekends, statutory holidays, Advance Polling Days or on Election Day. For further information, please contact the Ministry of Transportation and Highways 24-Hour Road Report at 525-4997 (Greater Vancouver), 938-4997 (Whistler), 371-4997 (Kamloops), 860-4997 (Kelowna), 855-4997 (Abbotsford), 380-4997 (Victoria). in all other areas please call 1-800-663-4997. Province of and Highways scheduled 12:00 Midnight - 5:30 AM 10:00 AM ’- 12:30 Noon British Columbia SW Ministry of Transportation Hon. Lyall Hanson, Minister your ‘needs. 4.Do something different together. To re-ignite Passion, surprise each other. - Compliment your partner. Ex- press affection — say, ‘‘I love you.” 6. Listen, and {et your partner know you hear what he or she is saying. 7. Use ‘‘I"' statements to express hurt and anger. Don’t blame your partner. . Be honest with each other. . Don’t attack your partner's personality. Request a specific behavioral change instead. 10. Plan time for fun and timacy. a \© 00 in- Displays will include country crafts, stained glass, potiery, weaving, jewelry, wooden toys, gingerbread, home baking and more. — Se Babysitting and parking are free, and items will also be raf- fled. For more information, call 987-4431. Friday message that she must no Jonger assume the responsibility of look- ing after her husbaad. traté only on the husband’s state of mind and wishes. Many frail, elderly women end up sacrificing their health and ultimately their lives trying to care for violent men. It’s important that everyone associated with her send a clear This column is prepared with financial assistance trom the Notary Foundation. For more in- formation call NSCS at 983-7138. is | > wednesday ee. aon The Bay * Woolco Future Shop * Factory, Carpet .* A&B Sound > friday * Consumers Distributing > sunday Lenscrafters/Shoppers Drug Mart/Safeway Save-On-Foods/* Y. Franks/* Super Valu * Canadian Superstore/* Zellers/* Sears * PharmaSave/* Pizza 222 lf you miss any of these flyers call North Shore News" Distribuuon 986-1337 * delivered to selected areas only a SQUEAKY’S x=: = CANADIAN MADE SPAS STARTING FROM $2450.03 EXCELLENT WARRANTY & SERVICE PAC“ AGE 20 PORTABLE MODELS TO CHOOSE FRC 2525 St. John’s Street Port Moady (across from Burger Bros.) Call 931-4801