S22

ESS SET ER EE IG ES SY RENE

RAE,

Eras

Doug Collins

® get this straight ®

THE GREEN cabbage lay among the gravy. Or perhaps
it was between the spuds and the turnips. In any case it
was munchy and | knew right away that it came from our
vegctable patch on the Gulf Islands and was costing
about $40 a bite. So ! chewed slowly. A guy could go
broke eating that kind of cabbage too fast.

Perhaps you have never
operated a vegetable patch on the
Gulf Islands. Not on my Gulf
Island, anyway, the name of
which I refuse to reveal lest in-
dignant libbers and other enemies
of the people arrive in large
nuinbers, armed with pitchforks.
But I can tell you it ain’t easy.

fam not talking about digging
around in ground that had not
been disturbed since time began,
although God knows my efforts
with pick and spade have con-
tributed to the wealth of many
doctors, chiropractors, and other
medicine men. No, it’s what you
might call the ancillary activities
that have made for woe unlimi-
ted.

There are the dumb Gulf
Island deer, for instance. Gray
Eyes will not hear of my knock-
ing them off, she being tender-
hearted. ‘‘We need a fence,” she
said. So Glum Dumb Doug
found himself putting up a
wood-and-wire barrier that is
eight feet high, if not nine, my
spouse having been told in the
meantime (which was a_ very
mean time meantime, Iect me tell
you) that a deer can leap at least
six feet to get to home-grown
vegetables.

The fence cost a fortune.

Then there’s the small matter
of fertilizing. Any old manure
just wouldn't do, you know,
especially after a knowledgeable
neighbor tipped us off in a
whisper that this glorious, abso-
tutely unmatched mushroom
manure was to be had out in
Langley.

If you haven't been to
Langley, don’t go. Langley is
larger than some countries, and
the mushroom lode was hard to
find. We got lost, and the mon-
soons were on. When it was
found it turned out to be one of
those places where you have to
load the truck yourseif.

By the time the job was done,
Doug was wetter than a mackerel
and madder than a tyke. Bits of
mushroom stuck to his hair and
his face was black. The manure
muck didn’t come for nothing,
either, | might tell you.

Still, all went well the first
year. But this year was the year
of the locust, and the fence was
no protection against creep-craw-
ly creatures that soon spread
word to their friends and rela-
tives that a big bonanza was go-
ing. The spuds were the size of
peas, and the peas were no bigger
than microbes. There were two or
three aptly-named string beans.

There was also a drought, just

like in) Ethiopia, although = it
didn’t seem to affect other peo-
ple’s vegetable patches. Gray
Eyes put that down to our not
getting over often chough to do
the watering. But how can you
water without water? [tried pid-
dling on things, but that didn’t
do any good, either.

To my way of thinking, going
over often enough is counter-
productive. You can buy a lot of
veggies for what (he ferry crip
costs, We have already spent
enough on such things to have
financed our old age. And all in
the hope of getting cabbages and
such-like to prosper.

Two weeks ago we went over
again, buoyed by the thought
that the winter cabbages and
brussel sprouts would be ready.

ft was dark when we arrived
and [ rushed out to the holy
patch with a flashlight. Which
failed. But that was decent of it,

considering what it would have

revealed. For with the dawn came
truth.

There were four four-inch
cabbages made of iron. Brussel
sprout stalks mostly bereft of
sprouts raised their thin forms
into the air, Where cauliflowers
should have decorated the land-
scape, gone-to-seed creations
moaned in the wind. Gray Eyes
said not to worry, the cabbages
would be OK.

All | can say is that Nelson
could have used them at
Trafalgar. And all they cost was
40 bucks a munch. Next year we
grow them at Stong’s.

Park Royal South has

something to crow about

PARK ROYAL’s south mall
has become a home for
wayward crows.

By TIMOTHY RENSHAW
News Repearter

Marketing manager for the West
Vancouver shopping centre Per
Danielsen said Wednesday a crow
moved into the mall about two
weeks ago ‘‘2nd we haven't been
able to get him out since. He's
becoming somewhat of a celebrity
here."’

Danielsen said the bird presum-
ably slipped into the mall through
an open door. The original crow,
he added, was joined by a mate for
a while, but that interloper was
removed after it hit a window and
sat stunned on the mall’s floor
long enough to allow alert mall se-
curity staff to pounce on the bird
and have it ejected.

But all attempts to coax the re-
maining crow from its perch on
mall pyramid girders, which are
about 75 feet above the ground,
have been unsuccessful.

“T guess he likes it there,’
Danielsen said. ‘‘lt’s warm and
bright, and he can listen to
Christmas carols everyday.”*

On advice from B.C. Wildlife
Federation officials, Park Royal
shopping mall staff have now set
up a cage into which they are try-
ing to attract the bird with offers
of food.

Thus far the crow has not failen
for the ploy.

Danielsen said no Hitchcockian
bird assaults on Park Royal shop-
pers have been reported as yet.

9 - Sunday, December 21, 1986 ~ North Shore News

Insurance firm broken into

NORTH VANCOUVER ROMP
reported a break-in at a local ina-
sucance business on Marine Drive.

The break-in occurred semetinie
in the evening of Dec. 14.

The thief oe thieves took an un,
disclosed amount of cash and che-
ques.

Police are continuing their in- .
vestigation. esunshine( cabs ,
WE GLLIEVE 5 dt \niscovEn:
eo Ne SI THE
a 1

Aayone with information is ass -
ed to contact police at 985-13 1f.

For a career in
Real Estate Sales
with Montreal Trust.
if you have the desire
lo get uhead on your
owl terms contact:
Ralph Kennedy, Branch Manager
657 Marine Drive
» West Vancouver, B.C.
“ 926-5424

A Montreal Trust

Well worth talking to.

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