32 - Wedeesday, May il, 1988 = North Shore News

| | LIFESTYLES
LEAVE MARRIED MAN ALONE

ill end, given tic

Q. 1 am a nice woman, 64, and T look much younger. I feil
. for a married man some time ago. No intimacy took place
and I have tried to put hini out of my mind. But he stays in
my heart no matter how 7 try to stop thinking about. chim.

‘What | can Ido?

A. In your mind: or. your heart is
OK; just. keep him out of your
* bed. And avoid seeing him unless
it’: is “unavoidabdle,;, because who.
knows what happens when people.
‘fet their’ guard ‘down ‘just’ tov be -
friends. To -put' him out: of-your ~
mind is impoasibie’ 30°don‘t wear .
‘yourself out trying, but put in your:
mind that: he: is.‘attractive, ‘nice,
you have been in love with him, he .

- sometimes, but you are keeping his ©
hands ‘off-you.—~ and* ‘your ‘hands |

off this: other women 3: our mind

_ ual encoinite Do take. steps to

come’ to an understanding’ with *
your. lover, because. otherwise you

nex and that put me off. He was
attractive, of course, buf I always
want things to go more slowly. I
«: decided that he was not seeking 2

real relattonship bat just wanted to-

find ont if I was ap for some con-
ventzat; sex. So Iwas definitely
_ Glscouraging and the funches came

fo 'an ‘end. I wish he were more

serous, but 1: ‘thoughi that was.

may_ reach 3 a point ‘of avoiding 1 sex” that.

Dr. Ruth

Ruth Westheimer |

Was I wrong to discourage him

so? Was he looking for as relation-

ship, and if that was so, why
didn't .he: show it? How coald I
have handied this differently?

A, Well, | think.you could have

_ shown that you: like him but ‘in:
spite of that liking you had your.

own ideas about your life and how
you wanted to cun it. You can tell
a man that you want a slowly
growing cempanionship and. love

interest, not lightning sex with a

Stranger. That you want to meet
men’ as. potentially serious, long-
term parts of your life, and to go

“cautiously with: thens:, That. you

understand’ sexual attraction,- and
“you feel it, but you have ideas and
plans.
-. Often men who come on strong
sexually: will. think, ‘OK, maybe

‘this woman is worth spending time

. . with-and getting.to know —. who

“.knows?’? That can be a beginning -
wher he was originally looking ‘for...

“Lo and bebotd; Be took up with

/ another. woman — snd. whai do.
: probably. ‘a. they uve buf 's “‘tertifie: ougoing.
Lbave beard a fot relationship. It shows all over them
f how. they like each other and mean
«to go on with 1. And 2 2c heart-

_ brokeo, Jentons | and thlaking about”

a fast ending in bed. But don't
blame yourself, You disliked his
approach and you had’ a right to

- show that. It’s just that maybe he

learned from you and went more

-cautiously wiih the other woman.”

You can learn from your experi-:
ence with him, too — but don’t get .

‘the idea that he would have neces-

sarily stayed with you because you:

" went to bed with him, There is‘no

guarantee of that at alt, even, n if you

are terrific in bed: ae
- SAFER SEX. .
Because :0f. the AIDS | crisis

everyone: ‘should be. careful ‘about

concerned |
have”

have written” fo me®
about, sex. and -‘AIDS.

“prepared 'a pamphiet, Safer Sex, to

answer many’ of: your. questions."
To ‘obtain a copy, send’$i.and_a
self-addressed, . stamped, . legal-: .
sized ‘envelope to Dr. Ruth/Safer.

Many of you |;