Friday, September 5, 1997 — North Shore News — 23 soma BEFORE YOU VENTURE ABROAD ea ot Lye eae mah, SRL S PRE NES Are there any Patriarchs: around today? i \ Patrick im Dear God: \ It is great the way you iA rh stars in e right places. jeff _ Dear Ged: My brother told me about being born but it - doesn't sound right. Marsha Dear God Did you really mean do ~ unto others as they do unto you, because if you _ did then i'm. going to fix 1 my brother. ~ Darla Dear God When you made the first man did he work as _ good as we do now? Tom . _ DearGod. ~ tn bible times did they . peally talk that fancy?. Jennifer: = from Children's Letters to God { Workrnan Publishing. ~ 3991) by Stuart Hample and © * Eric Marshall. BE Parents take comfort from being in the same boat By Li Boesen Contributing Writer WOULD you accept an unpaid job for which there is no realistic description and no sick time, and you work for a boss who is in a pre- logical state with limit- ed communication skilis? Would you take it for the rest of your life? it’s amazing that so many people become par- ents and do just that. It’s a shame kids don’t come with manuals or war- ranties. Warranties usually stipu- Jate returning in the original packaging. Now there’s a challenge. Of course there are plen- ty of “manuals” in the pro- liferation of parenting books on the shelves. ’ However, kids are so individual it’s like buying a general guide to car mainiz- nance and expecting to be able to effectively service your 1988 mini-van. Even with love and patience, all parents reach 2 time when they question - their ability to go on. It might be when they haven’t had a night of unin- terrupted sleep for seven years. _Or the time when their six-ycar-old screams louder than any infant for two hours. oo ‘Maybe it’s when the pre- “=: cous baby hits the age of . 14 and overnight parents go ‘from being parents who (GUARANTEE UALITY & LOWEST PRICES North Shore - or we'll match it) n Premise Wine & Beer Making” _!) Free Parking at Rear : ale! ., 222 Lonsdale Ave., North Van . ° 984-4577. - 2 know everything to parents who know absolutely noth- ing. Possibly it happens more than once in a parenting, career. How can parents survive those unbearable times, where patience is seemingly an unattainable virtue? A realistic look at parent- ing expectations can put things into perspective. Not just a broad type of parenting “mission state- ment” but a willingness to be more flexible with daily expectations. The three-year-old at the mall having a tantrum by the rides in the food court is expressing disappoint- ment in a prelogical man- ner. When he heard “mall” he formed his own personal shopping list that looked nothing like yours. Why not combine your lists so that you both reach your goals without tears and frustration. A reality check is some- times helpful. What is going on in your family’s lite that is affecting everyone’s behavior? Perhaps you're having a difficult time at work 2nd the feelings are taking up most of your coping abili- ties, leaving you litte ener- gy to deal with the require- ments of parenting. Parental guilt in small doses can be quite effective, but too much can be inca- pacitating. It’s important co remem- ber ihat in most cases par- ents are doing the best they can with the resources they have. So whar if parents ocea- sionally lose it? So long as it doesn’r fall into the category of abuse, and parents stil] have a basic love for their kids and a willingness to parent, they’re only human. Living in isolation can be damaging. Participants in parenting groups most often indicate the best part of the course was the knowledge that they were not alone. Everyone experiences the same thing; parenting turned out to be a far more difficult job than pareats expected. On the North Shore there are family/caregiver drop-in programs, parenting courses, famiiy counselling with sliding fee scales, and a child care information fine. Even in today’s hectic socicty, without the support of extended family or a tra- ditional sense of communi- ty, it’s not necessary to par- ent in isolation. — Li Beesen ts the Director of Clinical Programs for the Family Services of the North Shore. 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