| collins

on the
other hand

GREAT STORIES of
1996:

OOo

RCMP fems complained
about their new maternity
uniforms. ‘The problem was
that “pregnant Mounties
have trouble drawing their
weapon through a concealed
opening at the front of the
dress.” New designs are on
the way. But how to carry
the weapon “remains an
unresolved issue.” Bank rob-
bers please note.

In the U.K., 300 women
have taken our insurance
against having a Virgin Birth
in expectation of a Second
Coming in the year 2000.

In Lexington, Virginia, a

six-ye ar-old boy was suspend-

‘om school for kissing a
fee girl on the cheek. The
charge: sexual harassment.
He was un-suspended when
America fell down Jaughing.
All is not lost.

In progressive B.C. there
was an ad boosting “gay-
friendly mutual funds.” A
North Vancouver reader
wrote to say he was “a white,

gractiliges x

Hot air won't
build bridge

Dear Editor:

Your story “Politicians
push for bridge plan” about
resolving the Lions Gare
issue was right. It is unlikely
that our NDP government
will take action on this issue
any time soon even though
the NDP North Vancouver-
Seymour candidate is now
the ministerial assistant to the
minister of transportation.

However, the = rhetoric
being spewed by Ted

Nebbeling and the other .

North Vancouver MLAs will
likely result in the same rapid
actions that his two previous-
ly’ elected Liberal brothers
spent four years as opposition
doing nothing about.

Since there is no plan,
these politicians will succeed
in pushing what they do best:
hot air.

During the past provincial
election campaign Mr. David
Massey of the Progressive
Democratic Alliance promot-
ed the use of a private con-
sortium to design, finance,
construct and operate the
First Narrows — crossing.
Under the plan the cr
design would be chosen by
local residents via a direct

: that | Mr.
plan still, makes
ense and it is certainly :
ble, especially considering the
capacious natare of the Lions
Gate Bridge health which
dictates thar something be
done now.
Louise Stuart

PARA INE SAU TE ESN EGP oe pre dT ON Be

Great Stories irom the pas

non-Anwdeo-Savon, Non
Prorestane heterosexual mate
who would like to invest in 4
company that does not dis
criminate against people like
him. Could PE help? Sorry,
Vm in enough trouble with
the human rights maniacs
already.

Dogs are back on the
menu in Korea even though
they were taken off fora

because of the Olympic

s being held there.
More that half of all Korean
adults dine on dog. So there
was loud applause when a
local government announced
it would invest $24,000 in
dog-slaughtering facilities.
Given our immigration poli-
cies we should be able to get
doggy-burgers here before
long.
In the English village of
Cropwell Butler 2 couple
who bought an acre of
garbage-strewn land and
turned it into a fovely exten-
sion of their garden, open to
the public, were told they
were in breach of laws pro-
tecting the green belt. But
they don’t have to put back
the old mattresses, aban-
doned cookers and other

arbage they had removed
‘om it.

In Manitoba, grain farmer
Andy McMechan (it was
reported in November), had
been in the clink since July 8
for selling his barley to the
U.S. without getting permis-
sion from the Wheat Beard.
Was he sprung for Xmas?

i + Homeowners: :

7 “Travel 7

Pre Amercian Medneal
Association came out witha
study Clann that salty
toods don’t attect sour blood
pressure. The rollowing week
the British Medical Journal
came out with another study
saying they do

aking medical news
with a grain of sale” was the
newspaper headline.

In New York, a court
ruled it was an intringement
of civil rights for a school
security guard to remove 4
loade 9mm pistol from a

ar-old who had con-
ce t under his jacket.
Barmy is as barmy does.

Also in the States, an 82-
year-old fem doctor launched
a lawsuit against a health
board that had denied her a
job because of her age. Her
hands may shake but she’s
awake, must have been her
view.

In the U.K. again, an
“education coordinator” in
Dunham Massey told volun-
teers preparing for a “living
history” Christmas that they
should not let the kids deco-
rate oranges with little cross-
es made of cloves. It might
offend Mustims and Hindus.

Also in the U.K., Canon
Paul Ferguson of York
Minster has cut verses from a
couple of hymns in case they
offend Jews. There marches a
locse canon. Remind me not
to put anything in the collec-
tion next time I’m there.

In Vancouver, a
Cantonese-speaking woman

Defieux-Saxelby
Insurance
Services Inc.

105-200 Wesi Esplanade
North Vancouver

{Located beneath
Famous Players Theatre)

Cm) ‘a=
> 68

On January 2nd/97
In all of B.C. there’s Only
one store that will have

7?

exclusive to

Laima

| |

EXSCITING
WORLDS

Park Royal South
(upstairs)

925-3563

todd an all candidhites cive:
ben mecnag uit Vancouver
has tod mans parks Too
much money ts being spent
on parks 2. 7

Mrs. Jessie Macdonald ot
Gibsuas apphed to Deputy
Premier Dan Miller for 3
licence te practise prostitu-
tion. She said she would like
the kind of heence used by
government because that
would alow her to prostitute
herself without actually hav-
ing te pound the pavements.
No word trom Miller.

Then there was the jail-
bird immigrant, Satpal Singh
Japoo, who had been paid by
his employer, Jagraj Singh
Toore, to kill Toore’s wife.
He did the deed with a base-
ball bat and then set the
body on fire. Your friendly
refugee board declined to
deport him, saying he was
really a nice chap, was sorry,
and that he deserved a sec-
ond chance here. A judge
declined to overturn the
decision.

It’s tough, but do your
best to have a Happy New
Year.

— The North Shore News
believes strongly in freedom of
speech and the right of all sides
in a debate to be heard. The
columnists published in the
News present differing points
of view, but those views are not
necessarily those of the newspa-
per itself.

Wednesday, January 1, 1997 — North Shore News -— 7

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