“NEWS OF THE THE
WEIRD

SOUTH River, New Jersey —
On July 1 Yugoslavian-
Americans Boris Angelevski,
56, his wife and 31-year-old
son, after fighting among
themselves about the son's
becoming tuo Americanized,
threatened police and barricad-
ed rhemselves inside their
apartment for 1] hours before
giving up.

Police knew the apartment
well, based on previous domes-
tic disturbances: The floors and
walls are lined with aluminum
foil, they said, which according
to Boris was to keep out
“moonbeams and rays from
the outer planets.”

As of carly June, more than
500 people had a applied for a
vacancy as the official execu-
tioner in Swaziland.

The positioned became
Necessary when a man convict-
ed in March of the ritual mur-

der of a nine-year-old boy was

condemned to death.
The Justice Minister said he
_ is equal opportunity
employer and advertised for a
“hangperson.”

The current issue of Maxim
magazine profiles Las Vegas
gambler Brian Zembic, 37,
who in October earned
$100,000 on a dare from a col-
league by having breast-
’ implant surgery and leaving
the implants in a full year.

According to the article, he
has not taken them out yet.

. Said Zembic, “Having

breasts gives you ‘insight into

©.” what life is like for women. You

“. start to see what pigs men are.”
* ee°@

The Catholic Diocese of
Dodge City, Kansas, eager to
put into perspective a local
woman’s Virgin Mary plaque
that she says weeps blood (and
has drawn 10,000 visitors),
commissioned DNA tests of
the blood and found it to be
that. of the plaque’s owner,
Margarita Holguin Cazares.

Undeterred in her beliefs,
the editor of the local Edwards
County Sentinel, Cathy
Woolard, editorialized that the
DNA tests actually make the
scene even more miraculous, in
that, obviously, God must have
created blood that exactly

newspaper ad on July 24, 1998.
PLEASE NOTE;
le-priced Housewares, Linens
ad Bedding are EXCLUDED
from Scratch & Save card

matches Cazares’s and put it
on the plaque.

Scotch Plains, New Jersey

fThomas O'Bricn fined

himself tor accidentally leaving

his gun in a department store

dressing room while he tried
on clothes.

Another shopper found the
weapon and, thinking it was a
toy, played with it until a shot
was fired, through a w:

And three we
Chief Richard W
Madison, Wisconsin, suspend-
ed himself for leaving his gun
in the microwave oven at his
home, where he sometimes hid
it from patential burglars, the
next day he absent-mindedly
started roasting a turkey unnl
the heat exploded a bullet
through the door and into a
banister.

The Globe and Mail profiled
Ted Strickwerde, curator of the
Bowmanville Zoo, who also
serves as sperm extractor for
Angus, the African elephant.

Strickwerde, covered hand
to shouider in K-Y jelly, rectal-

Foot

iy massages Angus” pelvic ure-
thra ta sdimulate Nerve
glands aed give hira an cree:
tion, leading to the collection
oF sperm, Which is rushed to a
lab and analyzed, and if regard-
cd as potent. us used tor artifi-
cial insemination lor the
endangered species.
Strickwerde noted thar
Angus must enjoy the exercise,
for if not, he could easily break
Strickwerde’s arnt.

Among the occupational
hazards of Cunderwear wran-
gler” Jettrey Bruce, according
to a recent
Magasine piece, is that his job
of hooking and unhooking
underwear models for photo
shoots sends him to. several
cities and char he must take his
satchel through airport metal
detectors.

When he is called on to

New York Times

Wednesday, July 29, 1998 — North Shore News — 29

aA fear of moonbeams and Americans —

bras, panties, stockings, bricts,
tape and safety pins offen fall
an deat vars,

Jason Ennis, 21, was arrest-
ed at the airport in Harttord,
curt, shortly after

from Chicago.
Ennis (or whoever packed
the suitcase he claimed} had
it than it
could reasonably carry, and it

broke open as baggage han-
dlers were unloading it trom
the airplane, revealing about
18 kilograms of marijuana in

crammed every:
thing back in again and waited
to sce who claimed it.

As Ennis started to haul it
away, the suitcase broke open
again, and Ennis was cn the
floor trying to get everything
back in
approached hi

open it, his explanations for the

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