306 - Sunday, July 28, 1991 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES Long term house guest causes dispute among roommates DEAR MISS MANNERS — I am a teacher, and one of my students brought a very nice gift for me, leaving it in the school’s office. Tt never did get it —- it was gone ime next day. Since I work part- time (only mornings), 1 did not know about it until the child ask- ed me if I liked her gift. Other teachers confirmed that a gift was brought for each of this child's teachers. Should a thank-you noie be seni for a gift that was not received? GENTLE READER — What is the assumption from which you are asking this question? That one expresses gratitude at a gain in possessions, rather than for the generosity bestowed? That you can ignore the kindness of a child if its object was thwarted by dishonest adults? Miss Manners suggests that you not try to teach etiquette, even part-time. And that you write a letter this minute, telling the child how much you appreciate her thoughtfulness, referring to the theft only by saying that a misun- derstanding prevented you from realizing earlier that she had sent you a present. DEAR MISS MANNERS — After several months of courtship, my boyfriend and [, both in our early 30s and well-established in professional careers, experienced a birth-control failure, and I became pregnant. We were not living together. In our pre-intimacy conversa- tions, we both expressed 2 desire to have a committed relationship and “settle dewn.’’ Also at that time I let him know that if a pregnancy occurred, I would not seek an abortion. When he learned of the pregnancy, he responded that he was not ready for marriage cr a child. Now that I am in my third month, he is all but completely absent from my life. Even though I have a suppor- tive family and more than my share of wonderful friends, I can- not help but feel embarrassed and shamed by this turn of events. I Judith Martin MISS MANNERS need to be comfortabie about fielding the expected questions re- garding marital status and the surrounding details, so that I may remain cheerful and hold my head high through tie pregnancy. I feel no obligation to provide these details, but what can I say to col- Jeagues and clients that is firm, yet not unfriendly? GENTLE READER Miss Manners presumes you are asking about questions that are well- meant and within the bounds of what business people can properly say to one another, but she can’t think of many. “Are you married?”’ is not one of them. Perhaps ‘‘I suppose your husband is thrilled?’’ would be. But not what you gently cali ‘“‘surrounding catails.*’ In any cause, you should not be engaging in personal discussions on the job. This applies to mar- ried expectant mothers as well as unmarried. Not only it is un- professional but it encourages nosiness, the extent of which nowadays would astound you. The proper reply for you to make to any such question is “The child’s father and I are sep- arated.”’ Say it in a firm enough voice to indicate that the matter is not open for examination. And should anyone be so audacious to ask why, the answer is ‘‘Because we are living apart.”’ DEAR MISS MANNERS — I cent a large home, in which 1 have two roommates. My six-year-old son is here four days a week. Upon taking in’ my second roommate, 1 unknowingly ac- quired a third. It turned out, after the first three months, that my se- cond roommate opened our home to a friend of hers whom neither I nor roommate number one knew. She came and went as she pleased, staying one month. - During that month, the second roommate justified her friend’s presence by saying that she wasn’t there much herself. After this per- son left, another of her friends began staying. Originally we agreed to split the household bills three ways. When I confronted the roommate about splitting the bills four ways if the friend was going to continue stay- ing, her response was that her friend’s parents were paying rent and bills for her at another resi- dence (in another city), so she didn’t know if the friend would want to continue staying if she had to pay bills. It turned out that they both stayed another month and then moved out. So bills came, and they then informed me that the friend wasn’t oaying her share. So now my head is boggled with questions: Am I being petty? Does common courtesy exist? Is it true that nice guys finish last? GENTLE READER — Miss Manners is afraid that even nice guys cannot depend on niceness to settle such issues as when a house guest becomes a roommate. Common courtesy is in short supply and not evident in the way your former roommate is now behaving. But common courtesy cannot negotiate financial respon- sibilities in a contractual arrange- ment. To avoid finishing last, one takes up the matter first. Parents advised to immunize kids NORTH SHORE Health is advis- ing parents to get their school- aged children immunized before entering school for the first time. {t is important that children’s immunizations are updated prior to entering school so they may keep healthy and be free from preventable diseases. An immunization booster of DPT (diphtheria, pertussis, teta- nus) and OPV (oral polio vaccine) is recommended. Immunizations may be carried out by the children’s family physicians or parents can book an- appointment for their kids at one of two preschool immunization clinics being held by North Shore Health this summer. These clinics will be held Aug. 9, 1:30-4 p.m., at West Vancouver Recreation Centre (Dogwood Room), and Aug. 23, 1:30-4 p.m., at recCentre Lonsdale (Esplanade Room). To make an appointment at the clinics, call 983-6800. to provide milk, bread, fruits and vegetables, etc. - FEED THE HUNGRY IN OUR COMMUNITY * $20 helps us buy a weekly bag of groceries for one family * $60 helps sustain a family for one month © $720 assists that same family for 2 year Please help those in need. CLIP AND MAIL WITH YOUR. GIET TODAY All donations are tax deductible. YES! | want to provide food for the hungry. i]. a ~ O $20 O $60 0 $720 O Other $_____§____,§ Ni Address Province Me = City, so 47> Postal Code iz iS 2 THE FOOD BANK 1650 Quebec Street, Vancouver, B.C. V6A 3L6 # We guarantee it! Summer is here! Stiil time to lose inches. Ss 4 g% 3 weeks/10 sessions Toning Beds One FREE session with this ad. NOW OPEN FOR HEALTHY LUNCHES TOO! . ll Fy . Mon-Sat. 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