Doug Collins @ get this straight @ ONE OF MY two friends remarked the other day that he would be voting Liberal in the next federal election. Whereupon he got a big lecture on being daft. ‘‘But,’’ he bleated, ‘‘Il can’t vote for the Baioney-Clark cnsemble and the NDP is even worse. So what stuuid { do?’’ I advised him to cut his throat. It is true that the Tories are a bust and that when Brian comes on the tube a lot of people who voted for him hurl their boots at him. But the Liberals? They are still as bad as ever. Rot- ten. Weak. Corrupt. Brain- damaged. Anyone who is still a Liberal should apr'y for help as a han- dicapped person. All the Liberals are good for is shouting about things like tuna fish. John Turner is the epitome of Jack-witted liberalism. There was hope for him once. That was when he followed his natural, common- sense instincts. Now, not only has he publicly renounced bum- patting, he has also endorsed every dotty device the Liberal loonies 2 farm fresh eggs, 2 rashers of crispy bacon, 2 sizzling country sausages, 2 fluffy buttermilk pancakes or toast, 2 farm fresh eggs, 2 rashers of crispy bacon, 2 sizzling country sausages, 2 fluffy buttermilk pancakes or toast, 2 farm fresh eugs, 2 rashers of crispy bacon, 2 sizzling country sausages, 2 fluffy buttermilk pan- cakes or toast, 2 farm fresh eggs. 2 rashers of could come up with at their recent ecnvention. One such thing was the resolu- tion to turn Canada into a nuclear- free zone. In effect, that is, the par- ty having declared it is opposed to the presence of nuclear weapons on Canadian soil. That’s much the same as the Socreds announcing that they still believe in funny money. They haven’t, of course, but you get the point. It’s also like West Van and North Van District declaring themselves to be nuclear-free zones, than which there could be nothing dafter. The Russians, ha ha, will make sure that the West Vannies and North District Vannies are spared when the big bang comes. But poor old North Van City will get what it deserves, it not having joined the big campaign. If the Liberals mean what they say — and who can tell? — we should be safe enough if those lousy Yanks aren't. Our new na- tional motto could be ‘‘We sur- render!"* When it comes to claiming that yes means no, our politicians are world champions. In December, Lloyd Axworthy assured the in- nocents of Carleton University that he came close to resigning when the Trudeau government approved Cruise missile tests. Lloyd is a man of conscience, you see. You would never have thought that he was a member of the very cabinet that said okay to the tests. So were lots of other top Liberals who kept buttons on their mouths while the party loonies were yakk- ing away in convention. Axw orthy and his buddies could have stopped the whole thing if they had wanted to. It is only now that they appear in Jesus-clothes. It isn’t merely a matter of nuclear arms and our obligations to NATO, both of which no Cana- dian government could renounce without encouraging the Russians to do another Afghanistan, this time in the Arctic, perhaps. Wherever you look, the Liberals try to outshout the other parties in dot- ty works. They want Quebec to be a nation within a nation, with the rest of us helping to pay its bills. That’s what they mean when they mumble 2 farm fresh eggs, 2 rashers of crispy bacon, 2 sizzling country sausages, 2 fluffy buttermilk pancakes or toast, 2 farm fresh eggs, 2 rashers of crispy bacon, 2 sizzling country sausages, 2 fluffy buttermilk pancakes or toast, 2 farm fresh eges, 2 rashers of crispy bacon, 2 sizzling country sausages, 2 fluffy buttermilk pan- cakes or toast, 2 farm fresh eggs, 2 rashers of crispy bacon, 2 sizzling country sausages, 2 crispy bacon, 2 sizzling country sausages, 2 Sluffy buttermitk pancakes or toast, 2 farm fresh Sluffy banermitk pancakes or toast, 2 farm fresh 9 ~ Wednesday, January 14, 1987 - North Shore News about Quebec's distinctive character, part of which is telling English delicatessen stores that on pain of heavy fines they can’t call smoked beef smoked beef. Only “boeuf mariné’’ will do. The Indians have to be indepen- dent from the provinces in ‘which they live, and the Libs don't give a damn if we go broke three times over in the process. There is, in fact, no statist measure to which they object, be it handouts to the Status of Women, grants for teaching Tibetan in Manitoba, or wasting billions on foreign aid. It would dish the Liberals once and for all if we told Quebec to take off on its own and good luck. Tories might then become Tories and we could get down to an honest left-versus-right contest in which bilingualism and similar lunacies would not exist. As [ told my friend, it is entirely appropriate that we have a loon on the new dollar coin. When you need a Car or Teach call... 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