a

Trey

32 - Wednesday, August 21, 1985 - North Shore News

hair upsets mom

Long

DEAR MISS MANNERS —
A gentleman acquaintance
of mine, a weekly guest for
four years, has been barred
from our house by my
mother, who is displeased by
the fength of his hair.

What exactly can a mother
do about the hair length of
someone else's child? After
stating her opinion, how far
can she go in enforcing it?
She has offered to drive him
to the barberhsop of his
choice.

The objection is merely to
hair — and other than the
length, he takes very good
care of it -——~ as the
gentleman in question does
not behave in the manner
usually associated with tong
hair.

GENTLE READER —
When Miss Manners’ dear
late Aunt Grace was a girl,
some years ago and then
some, her father barred the
door to one of her beaux
because he wore a gold earr-
ing. He allowed another
beau, conventicnal and shy,
to continue calling. The first
was Ezra Pound and the se-
cond D.H. Lawrence.

Aside from the fun of lit-
erary name-dropping, Miss
Manners recounts this story
to alert parents that you
never can tell. Had the vigi-
lant papa but known how
these two would turn out, he
would still have pitched the
eccentric young man, of
course, but would. have

taken care to send the pres-’

entable-looking one sprawl-
ing after him.

Miss Manners does not
deny that appearance is
symptomatic of social at-
titude, only that it is difficult
to reac’, especially in the

young. In your case, the
young man’s supposed de-
fiance of polite society, in
wearing long hair, is ex-
tremely mild. One might
even consider it non-existent,
as the current era admits a
greater range of socially ac-
cepizole hair-lengths than
most.

Miss Manners disagrees
with your mother about bar-
ring the door on such slight
provocation. That is her
privilege, of course — but it
is her only privilege.

Even telling the caller that

by Judith
Martin
De |

his hair is offensive is a vio-
lation of etiquette. One may
only tell one’s child and
aliow the child to pass along
the explanation, presumably
mentioning that she
disagrees.

Attempting to enforce her
own standard is a really

serious violation. For all
your mother knows, the
young man may be dutifully
copying the style of his fa-
ther,

DEAR MISS MANNERS —
My husband of 50 years
passed away, and I hope you
can help me do the correct
thing. I don't know what the
rules of mourning are.

I'm old-fashioned and
want to wear black for a
year at least. The way I feel
now, it might be forever.

Do I have to wear stock-
ings all summ2r? Around the
house and duiing the day? I
would wear them if I went
out in the evening with the
family.

GENTLE READER — Do
not imagine that Miss Man-
ners is attempting to
discourage you from assum-
ing forma! mourning when
she informs you that it is no
longer the custom. It was a
very good custom, serving to
protect the bereaved from
ordinary social treatment
when they mipht be unable
to handle it emvtionally, and
Miss Manners is willing to
help you adapt it for modern
use.

Veiling should be worn
only to shield the window’s
face at the funeral itself,
where Miss Manners prefers
it to the current substitute,
sunglasses, which look in-
congruously jaunty,

To an office, or when fol-
lowing the normal business
of life, wear plain black
clothes, with just enough
white so that uninformed
people don’t jokingly ask
who died. Miss Manners
would not consider black
stockings necessary, any

more than you need order
black-bordered handker-
chiefs. But as you do not
wear mourning casually, you
need not worry about events
to which you would go
stocking-less, anyway.

If you do attend social
events, do not wear mourn-
ing, although you may use
black, gray or mauve to
avoid dressing gaily. Around
the house, unless you have
visitors, it doesn’t really
matter.

Therefore, Miss Manners
begs you not to set a time
limit. Society no longer
recognizes one, Let us in-
stead hope that the time will
soon come when, although
still bereaved, you feel up tc
resuming normal life.

Be
Rochelle, Jimm

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