Escaping from

AFTER MORE than 16 years
of battering, a North Vancouver
woman says a Single sentence
from her abusive husband final-
ly made her leave. ’

By Anna Marie D'Angelo
News Reporter

; “It was the day before our 16th

’ wedding anniversary. One of his
friends said to him if he wouldn't

~ rather take me out for dinner for our
anniversary,” said Shahnaz Eduljee.

_. “He said, ‘No, Pd rather take her

“to Hamilton mortuary’.”

A “completely bruised” Eduljee
decided to leave that December day
in 1986. It took her six months
before she told her husband that she
wanted a divorce. In 1992, the cou-
ple were officially divorced.

. Eduljee, now 45, stayed at Emily

Murphy house, the North Shore tran-

_ Sition house for battered women, for

one month with her child. She said

counselling at the facility changed
her fife. .

a life of abuse

“L learned 1 didn’t have to put up
with or tolertte abuse,” said Eduljee.

Eduljee said the battering started
even before she was married and
continued after the couple inmigrat-
ed to Canada.

She said reality become com-
pletely twisted and she was in a state
of denial a lot of the time,

“It's a slow process. It sort of
builds on itself and then you get
buried under it.” she said.

Eduljee said her battering was not
characterized by physical violence,
but she experienced “stuck-at-home
syndrome” and recalls her husband
being angry all the time.

“Just his voice, the way he would
say my name, would be frightening
for me,” said Eduljec.

She said her husband would
become furious if something was
cooked in a way he didn’t like or if
too much salt was put on some food.

Eduljee said that immigrant
women from some Asian countries
often face a unique type of threat
from abusive husbands.

“My husband was constantly

IML repre.

NEWS photo

ALTHOUGH SPOUSAL abuse is usually associated with violence, some battered women experl-
ence other forms of abuse such as verbal abuse and isolation.

threatening to send me back (to our
native country),” said Eduljee.

At the time Eduljee was a landed
immigrant, a bona fide resident of
Canada,

“We need to give immigrant
women information about citizenship
to balance the negative misinforma-
tion they are getting from some
men,” said Eduljee.

She reflects now that many
women are like her — choosing to
stay in a marriage “no matter what.”

“Even with his womanizing, | just
took it as part of my life to put up
with it,” said Eduljee.

She said women may stay in abu-
sive relationships, in part, because
they have made a commitment and
they believe the family is their
responsibility.

Some women, she says, believe
they can change an abusive husband.

“[T don’t know why women think
that. And that marriage must work
and that they must make it work,”

she said.

Eduljee now volunteers at Emily
Murphy house in between a busy life
of raising a teenaged child and com-
pleting a university degree in geogra-
phy and urban study.

“Women have a right to freedom
from fear,” said Eduljee. “I’ve man-
aged to get on with my life and they
can too. Regardless of what language
you speak, you can still get help.”

Emily Murphy House. can be
reached 24 hours a day at 987-3374.

is there a connection between women’s equality and violence against women?

William Stewart

North Vancouver

Yes, | think that due to the
fact that a lot of men don’t
‘think that women are equal to
them they feel that they can
treat them any way they want.

SURVEY TEAM

The North Shore News survey team telephoned

Jami Powers

North Vancouver

{ don’t know, | guess I'd say
yes because women can’t
have equality as long as they
feel threatened for standing up
for their rights. We have to be
able to defend the things that
are important to us.

Omid Bahmanieh

North Vancouver

Yes. It has to do with privi-
leges, not for all men, but for
males as a group. With the
violence against women, it is
part of the oppression that
keeps women down and saves
the privileges for the men.

2. 2% a

426 North and West Vancouver residents to find
out whether you think there is a connection
between women's equality and violence against
women. The following pie charts contain a
breakdown of survey results.

Lori Morrison

North Vancouver

Yes, I'd definitely say that
violence against women has
an impact on women’s equali-
ty. It is a major setback and
has to change drastically for
women to be equal.

Keri Mitchell

North Vancouver

Yes. | think women should
have more rights, that’s for
sure. The male figure is more
powerful than women and
holds them back from getting
equality.

' NORTH VANCOUVER

NEWS graphic Robyn Brown