YOUR MAN Doug crept into the office the other day, try- ing not to look at the girls. Which is a bit difficult, since there are so many of them and so many of them could but- ter my toast any day. But in this here Wimpland, a guy has to be careful. Even an old guy. Look too hard, you see, and you could be barred from the premises. Oh, it hasn’t happened yet, and it is to be hoped that it never will happen. But strange things are going on in the name of Progress. So strange that I’m thinking of shuffling around with a bag over my head. Only a week ago, you see, a professor was banned from the swimming pool at the University of Toronto for five years for girl- watching. The local human rights cops didn’t call it girl-watching, of course. They called it leering. (Stories like this give a chap a guilty. conscience. I’ve been leering ever since J was 10 years of age. I may even have started when I was five.) The professor has the delightful Hummel — which I think would sound better if it were Hummel- Hummel, that being reminiscent of Humbert-Humbert, the great aymphette-chasing hero in Viadimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Humbert-Humbert did his leer- ing in the open air, of course, but it seems that Professor Hummel was a pioneer in the leering game. He did his leering under water, and when he was banned from the pool he was also ordered to take counselling so that he could be cured of his urge to ogle. Where will it all end? In finding the wretched Hummel guilty, the university’s sexual harassment board stated: “Prolonged and intense staring can create a hostile environment in any setting, but especially in and around a swimming pool." It can? If you ask me, that sex- ual harassment board has never been anywhere near a swimming poo}. All the swimming pools I have ever been in have been pools of prolonged and intense staring. Ay, ummel does seem to have been a bit of a specialist in the art of ogling, though, because the complainant ,.. said he was ‘tailing her’ as she swam her lengths. She also claimed he would leer at her through his swim mask, and whenever he fell behind he would use his Slippers to catch up.”’ Hummel does seem to have been a bit of a specialist in the art of ogling, though, tecause the com- plainant — a pa:;t-time student, apparently — seid he was ‘“‘tailing her"’ as she swaiy her lengths. She also claimed he vould leer at her through his swim mask, and whenever he fell behind he would 9 ~ Wednesday, Apri 5, 1989 = North Shore News use his flippers to catch up. She doesn’t understand that that is what flippers are for. Further- more, if she had been a full-time student instead of a part-timer, she would have got used to poor old middle-aged Hummel, who was probably only trying to improve his vision. His side of the story is that he wasn't really tailing the gal. Not really, He was just moving around, trying to strengthen his bad back. He has my sympathy. I’ve done exactly the same thing, even if not under water. Must try his method, though. With Grey Eyes’ permis- sion, of course. The fem in question also com- plained that Hummel seemed to be in the pool for the sole purpose of watching women as they swam. What’s wrong with that? When a fellow has a bad back, that's one of the few joys left. if you ask me, Hummel deserves a medal. For he toid his tormen- tors, ‘‘I1 do not consider that I leer. But I certainly observe women. I sujoy women. I photograph women.”” What is a leer, anyway? According to my dictionary, it is “a lascivious or sl+ 'ook.”” But how can anyone determine that a chap is committing a sly or lascivious look when he has a swim mask on? Judge Collins finds Hummel- Hummel! not guilty. In the national interest. Look at it this way: girls are soon going to be in the infantry, and we can’t stop 2 battle while sexual harassment boards hold hearings on leerings @ 30th year of service to tens of thousands of domestic & foreign car & light truck owners _ tame of Hummel! — Richard 1.C.B.C. vendor BCAA approved A.R.A. certified Quality workmanship — Trustworthy service 985-7455 174 Pemberton Ave. N. Van ‘THE CORPORATION OF THE CITY OF NORTH VANCOUVER AMENDMENT TO THE OFFICIAL COMMUNITY PLAN NOTICE OF PUBLIC HEARING F eS VISA CORNER KEITH-BEWICKE-MARINE , NORTH VANCOUVER 988-6535 or 988-8082 NURSERIES & FLORIST uo. Store Hours: 9am-6pm. Mon. thru Friday; Sat. 9-6pm; Sunday & Holidays 9am-Spm OUTDOOR DRACEANA PALMS iy EXCELLENT SUMMER ACCENT PLANT NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN by the City of North Vancouver, pur- suant to Section 957 of the Municipal Act of British Columbia, that a Public Hearing will be held on MONDAY, APRIL 17, 1989 at 7:30 P.M. in the Council Chamber, City Hall, 141 West 14th Street, North Vancouver, B.C., to receive representations in con- nection with the following proposed amendment to the City of North Vancouver Community Plan. BY-LAW NO. 5990 To amend Schedule D of Schedule A of the Official Community Pian by adding to Page D1 the following parcels of land as an area in which a temporary commercial use may be located: (a) Portion of Lot E, Block 15, D.L. 265, Plan 14387 (8050 square feet) located adjacent to and west of Capilano Nurseries for an outdoor storage use; and (b) Portion of closed road allowance on Third Street (2000 square feet) located northwest of the Capilano Nurseries for an outdoor storage and outdoor retail use, indicated in hatched pattern on the map _ below: JUNIPERS BIG ONE GALLON SIZE (Bloom for years) 99 ea. FERTILIZER ES | EVERGREEN, FRUIT TREE AND SHADE TREE Feed Your Trees For Months! 10 or: more APPLICANT: cITy OF NORTH VANCOUVER ALL PERSONS who believe that their interest in property is af- fected by the proposed by-law shall be afforded a reasonable opportunity to be heard — in person, by attorney, or by petition. COPIES of the proposed amending by-law and pertinent staff reports may be inspected at the office of the City Clerk between 8:30 a.m. and 4:30 p.m., Monday to Friday, from April 3 to Apri! 17, 1989. ¢ ITALIAN e GERMAN Heavy 2 year old plants! ¢ Apples * Cherries © peaches ¢ Pears ; Mlle . : é.M. RIENSTRA DEPUTY CITY CLERK