36 - Wednesday, May 22, 1985 - North Shore News DEAR MISS MANNERS — My husband is 100 per cent disabled. When we go to eat in a restaurant, which is not . often, is there some way I can diminish the stares and comments from fellow res- taurant customers? _ He must be fed, and we try to do it in the least Noticeable way, although some waiters and waitresses insist upon putting us in the . center of the zoom or at a booth. (Booths and -wheelchairs don't go ‘together).! Usually,, we order the - game. I cut up my food en- tirely, and then switch plates with his. : ‘Sometimes we must ask several times for a straw. (He even needs a@ straw for his wine.) I would appreciate any assistance you can give to inform the general public and waiters and waitresses. ‘GENTLE READER — Star- ing at strangers, for whatever reason, is in- credibly rude behaviour. It is also rude for waiters or waitresses to ignore custom- -ers’ requests. Unfortunately, there is a ‘lot of rudeness going around, and one has to learn to handle it without making things worse. You rightly state that you do not want to be conspicu- ‘ous (which would only fur- ther embarrass your hus- band), and Miss Manners ’ trusts you do. not want’ to exhibit rudeness of your own. But neither do you wish to. be the target. of rudeness, nox’ would Miss.” . Manners wish it for you: What you: need for other customers who are rude is a Cold Counter-Stare of In- ‘ quiry. ‘When ‘your husband _isn’t looking, -fix your atten- tion on whoever is staring at him, and. raise your miss manners by Judith Martin Discourtesy to disabled eyebrows as if to say ‘And what, pray, do you want?” Miss Manners promises you that the other person will flinch, blush, and turn away his eyes, perhaps having learned the lesson for good. If you are not seated com- fortably, or brought what you need, at least after a re- asonable interval and perhaps one reminder, there is a service problem that should be brought to the al- tention of management. DEAR MISS MANNERS — Last fall, a close friend of mine ia anuther state got married. Prior to the event, we had corresponded several times a year in a very casual manner, and 1 would like to continue to do so. However, I do not know her husband very well, and what I do know about him leads me to believe he is very protective and could be a jealous type. (I am a male friend, 32, if you have not already surmised.) How do I write my friend from now on? Do I address the letters to them as a cou- ple, or just to her? There is nothing intimate in the let- ters, yet I feel uncomfortable knowing that if I address it to them both, a stranger (the husband) might read it. But if I address it to her alone, worse consequences (suspi- sion, jealousy, etc.) could occur. Or should 1 stop cor- responding altogether? ‘GENTLE READER — Miss ‘Manners is surmising, from your tone, more than you | intended. There seems to be just a whiff of excitement in the possibility of arousing jealousy here. Please forgive ‘Miss Manners if she is mis- taken. _ Otherwise, the question is a simple one. St is perfectly - proper for a married lady to receive letters from any of her friends, and improper for 2 gentleman to restrict his wife’s mail or examine it for wrongdoing. If this par- ticular gentleman does not trust his wife, the problem is between them, and hardly your business, DEAR MISS MANNERS — I’ve worked with this woman for four years, and I always thought that she was quiet and liked to keep to herself, because when I passed her and said hello or good mor- ning, she never returned the greeting. However, the one day I said hello and a male co- worker said hello to her also, she completely ignored me and gave him.a big cheery hello.! Alter talking to other women at work, I: found they have had the same ex- perience with her. She falls ail over the men in our building, and is totally discourteous to the women she works with. I’ve told myself P'm not going out of my way to be nice to her anymore, since all she does is stick her nose up to me and the other women, Do you have any suggestions? GENTLE READER — What Miss Manners has, - first of all, is a request. Please do not allow this per- son's bad manners to become your standard. Say- ing good morning is not go- ing all that far out of your way to be nice, and Miss Manners does not think you should stop. In fact (now we get to the suggestion), you might say it all the louder and cheerier when a male colleague is around. If she continues to ignore you, her bad manners will become apparent to him, as well. 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