34,<: Sunday, Apgust 24),1986 — Lifestyles North Shose. News: Vhnen is it incorrect to correct? DEAR MISS MANNERS — It seems that there is an alar- ming number of divinely endowed individuals whose duty is to correct the language of less fortunate speakers. If these keepers of the flame confine themselves to the correc- tion of smali children and non- native speakers of English, they might de tolerated as merely well-meaning, but to correct the speech of other, presumably well- educated, individuals is an act of unspeakable arrogance, as well as extreme boorishness. by Judith Martin Experience has shown that cor- rections of as personal a nature as “Stand up straight’’ or ‘‘‘It is I,’ not ‘It’s me,’’’ are tolerated only when given by parents and primary educators, and then just barely. The same person who wouldn’t dream of asking one to bathe more frequently scems to find nothing wrong with addressing an adult in @ manner generally reserved for children and small dogs, and declaring joudly, ‘‘It’s ‘had eaten,’ not ‘had ate.’"” I am not addressing beliefs here, although as a linguist, | have some rather strong ones. Surely a truly superior speaker of any language can find enough gratification in merely sniffing condescendingly at another’s despicable maltreatment of his native tongue, without resorting to public humiliation of the offender. This is something that has netti- ed me for a long time, as my sister (who can’t spell to save her life) is one of the Chosen. GENTLE READER — Allow Miss Manners to correct you: Many people do indeed dream of instruc- ting others in such matters as fre- quency of bathing. She knows, because her mailbox is overflowing with questions about the polite way to tell others what (according to the writer) is wrong with their behavior, looks and speech. It does not seem to occur to these people that there is no polite way, because it is rude to inform others that they do not measure up to your standard. It amazes Miss Manners that people often assurne that etiquette advisers run about the society giv- ing unsolicited instructions and perhaps issuing tickets to violators. Being themselves perfect, etiquette advisers would be the last to do any such dreadful thing. Miss Manners does not even agree with you that children and foreigners are open targets. Children should be taught by those in authority over them, meaning parents and teachers, and corrected when necessary by tem- porary authorities, such as baby sitters or grandparents. But that does not mean that any adult can feel free to bark instruc- tions at any child, as a great many of them do. All this teaches is how to mind other people’s business, and we have quite enough of that. It is also destructive to correct someone trying to speak a foreign language, unless that person has specifically asked to be corrected. It inhibits one from speaking at all. And even those authorized to correct other people’s speech must exhibit the tact to show that they value what is being said, in spite of the mistakes made in saying it. So, yes, Miss Manners agrees tht your complaint is justified. Inevitably, anyone who points out such errors commits 2 similar error. Those who write sarcastic letters to publications complaining, for example, of a grammatical mistake, always make at least one grammatical mistake in the letter. Why, Miss Manners is not sure. It is not that they don’t know bet- ter. It simply seems to be nature’s way of keeping us all humble. Sensational Summer Sale! 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