20 - North Shore News -— Wednesday, August 2, 2000 FP AEE SAKDABT RAEN AEN TI OHS ETSI I PEIN SNE MG EN TT THE teens years constitute a period in life when young people assert their independence in a lot of ways, but one of the most bothersome for parents, and dare I say moms, is when they go through a silent period with little communica- tion. It’s like a force field comes up around them and they go silent behind it. To parents who have always had a good relationship, such a change in character is upset- ting and they worry that there may be serious prob- lems that their teen will not confide to them. Attempts to probe simply lead to more accentuated silence. Indeed, a sudden change of character may be an indication of something deeper going on. There is a legitimate need to investigate. However, getting in their face with the inevitable “What's wrong with you?” strategy, is not likely to be very successful in generating much of'a response other than “Nothing.” There are a few things to consider before getting too worked up. The first is to observe the child with friends and other family members. If they seem happy and engaged, then it may just be you! That’s not to imply you've done anything wrong, although pouting at your parents is a teen rite, but as kids age, they don’t want to tell you everything. It is impor- tant for them to act and think without your permission or approval, and at times, they will simply exercise that option with -bsolutely no malice intended. The second issue to consider is whether or not there is an option for your teen to speak to you about issues that might be bothering them. The kitchen table, with everyone staring, is definitely not the place to deal with the “What's wrong with you?® question. It is important to give the teen the space, the time and the opportunity to open up, if there is any Parental Guidance Summer Kids Camp Bring your Kids and we'll take care of the resil Monday antil Friday, Nam-3pm (Ages 7-14) 95 Launch Price Only 54 per child for S days, Catl for details induding pizza & pop for lunch 985-6033 LASER DOME UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT = LASER TAG 441 West 16th Street, North Vancouver David Neel “ NATIVE JEWELLERY Wepoinc RINGS” 441 West 3rd Street, North Vancouver 988-9215 LGCA is fuliy accredited with the B.C. Miristry of Education Congratulations £9 all _our students advancing to the next grade ACCEPTING - REGISTRATIONS FOR K-GRADE 7 FOR SEPTEMBER 2006 Informational Video Available Tel: 984-8226: n the wall potential of that actually happening. While every child is different, a few generalizations might be stated about accessibility to those troubled conversations. Parents need to understand that most teens feel embarrassed when they get bogged down in prob- lems, if not downright vulnerable ai times. And the last thing most of them want to do is come crawl- ing to their parents for help. To get them to open up, vou have to give them the right to be vulnera- ble without the threat of patroniz- ing comments or prescriptive solutions. Listening is often what they really want more than any- thing else. Teens also need timing to open up. They can't just spit out their anxieties on your dmetable. Give them lots of opportunities to access vou when vou perceive they are troubled. Drive with them alone. Ask them to go for a walk around the block with you. Do the dishes together. Go into their room before bed just to say good- night. Remember, don’t probe, but indicate by your accessibility that you are available for them. Sooner or later, with enough opportunities presented, they may select one to open up. Finally, if you are a father and your son is giving you the silent treatment, keep in mind that he may be afraid of appearing weak to you, I've become convinced that the best thing a father can do for a son is to drop his own guard every now and then and reveal the fears and mistakes that have been part of his life. Again, accessibility and opportunity are important, but so too is 2 clear message that vulnerability is something we all suffer from at times. As a last comment, let me sug- gest that ifa teen’s attitude changes at home, and he/she withdraws from friends and/or becomes chronically unhappy, there may be much more help needed than a sympathetic parental ear. Give it a shot for a short time but if nothing is hap- pening, seek out counselling help, at school or in the community, Hey — Qe Ferry Line Ups! Get yourself a Wicked Long Weekend Deal - $22 for 3 hours of unlimited . play Saturday all day until 8:00PM, and Sunday through Monday all day. . Visit Playdium — an intense multi-sensory, social, interactive fantastical environment with over 200 interactive video games. A virtual arena where you can bring your friends and fulfill your need for intense sensory stimulation, physical challenges and of course get yourself a wicked deal with no ferry line ups! FREE PlayerOne membership required for Parchase. PLAYDIUI - BURTABY www.pleydium.com Metropotis @ Eston Centre, iIetrotown, 4760 Kingsway, Burnaby 604-433-7529 The Ultimate Place To Play f teen si ilence before the chid slips too far away to get back. — Graham Hookey is the author ‘of Parenting Is A Team Sport. NEWS photo Cindy Goodmen Hose down WILLY Shalanski, 11, got a hand from North Vancouver District firefighter Blake Bartel at the Annual Burn Camp on July 23. The event for young burn survivors is sponsored by the B.C. Professional Fire Fighters Burn Fund. WEDNESDAYS A Medieval Tournament: Wednesdays, August 2 and 9, 2-3 p.m., West Van Memorial Library. Design a shield with an individual coat. or arms, then represent your kingdom - in the games. For ages 8 and up. Info: 925-7408. Alien Invaders: Wednesdays, August 16 and 23, 2 West Van Memorial: Library. Construct an exciting board game to take home. For ages | six and up. Registration begins Tuesday, August 8. Info: 925- 7408. Drop-in Summer Storytime: A half-hour of steries, songs, fingerplays and puppetry for the whole family. Wednesdays and Fridays at 10:30 a.m., See more page 24. -3 p.m., -