Ser you @ The Closer You Ga k*&* (out of 5) Directed by Aileen Ritchie. Starring Ian Hart, Cathleen Bradley, Niamh Cusack and Sean McGinley. AS fluffy as the foam on your Guinness, The Closer You Get is sweet and smooth, but a great deal more diluted than Ireland’s greatest export. No doubt hoping for the same success as 1998's Waking Ned Devine, not to mention his other hit The Fredl Monty, producer Uberto Pasolini offers up a pleasant but not terribly. clever tale set in another smail village in the Emerald Isle. “Pleasant but not terribly clever” aptly describes the men of Kilvara. After bemoaning the lack of local female talent over a few rounds at the pub, the boys decide to place an ad in a Miami newspaper. Their goal? To lure porblooded American babes to their sleepy hamlet in time for the St. Martha’s y dance. Leading the charge is Kieran (Jan Hart), the local butcher, who is so convinced the ad will work that he dyes his hair platinum in an effort to look more hip. Ollie (Pat Shortt) doesn’t dye his hair, but the 34-year-old virgin does carry around a note from the local hussy, certifying that he’s a good lover just in case the American girls ask. And all he had to do was fix her boiler. Pat (Ewan Stewart, whose Scottish accent is a bit out of place) is a married raan, but that doesn’t stop him from training to get back into his former soccer- star shape. Too blind to notice he has the finest catch in town (Niamb Cusack as Kate), he puts more effort into sprucing up the pub than saving his marriage. Kieran’s brother Ian (Sean McGinley} has feelings for Kate, and is therefore the only man in the village act caught up in America hysteria. Siobahn (Cathicen Bradley), Kieran’s assistant at the butcher shop, watches Store hosts film premiere THE Future Shop is the unlikely setting for a film premiere Monday. The electronics retailer will host friends and family of North Van’s Tanya Maryniak at its Park Royal location for the TV premiere of the 24-year-old’s first film, View from Nowhen. The five-minute short will air live at 4:05 p.m. on ‘Bravo! Videos on Bravo!, Canada’s national arts channel. Feture Shop’s impressive wall of TV screens will be tuned to the show. The film’s producer Richard Griffiths, also 24, arranged the impromptu screening to surprise Maryniak, who flies home today from Toronto, where she was enrolled in film studies at Ryerson. : . — Layne Christensen AINE RMATION MEI Textile Arts Program © Two-year full-time diploma * One-year advanced certificate The Textile Arts program encourages experimen- tation and an awareness of contemporary and historical textiles. Studio courses focus on surface design and weaving. Applications are now being accepted for courses Starting next fall. Interviews will be held in May. You're inwited to an information meeting: Wednesday, March 15 and May 3 6:30 pm Capilano College Arbutus Building, Room 124 2055 Purcell Way, North Vancouver For more information, cail 984-4911 or send e-mail to arts@capcollege.h<.ca. Visit Patteis Unfolding, a Capilano College Textile Arts faculty exhibition, from March ! to Apr 2 at the Seymour Art Gallery, 4360 Gallant Avenue, North Vancouver. ) photo Patrick Redmond KIERAN (lan Hart, left) describes Siobahn (Cathleen Bradley) as “adequate, in your own way,” while a trou- bled Father Mallone (Risteard Cooper) looks on, in Aileen Ritchie’s The Closer You Get. scornfully. She'd be a fine catch herself if it weren’t for that ever-present scowl. The local priest (Risteard Cooper) has given his blessing to the whole scheme because the boys mentioned marriage in the ad. And after all, due to the lack of romance in the village he’s never performed one. Father Mallone’s version of the birds and the bees, in which he compares women to a good suit, is one of the fun- nier scenes. In retaliation, the eligible women of the village come up with some mystery dates of their own, making Kieran and his gang realize that what they've been looking for has been under their noses all along. The Closer You Get is a good first effort from director Aileen Ritchie. She has garnered decent performances from her actors, many of whom were making their feature film debut. However, William Ivory’s screenplay isn’t energized enough for a feature- length film. The pace of the story shouldn’t take its cues from County Dunegal’s wide open spaces. Overall, despite some funny one-liners, the film feels like a watered-down Waking Ned Devine. YOU SEE A LAWYER FOR ONE REASON The scent of spring is tne ai, and nature is being born anew. The lranian community is having a special fair to celebrate the New Year. There will be traditional food, music, handicrafts, and a variety of home made sweets—all under one roof. Sunday, Mizrch 12, 2600 10 am - 4 pm Capilano Room Memorial Rec Centre evidence to be collected They have the ability to collect a fair settlernent THERE IS ONLY ONE REASON TO @ Park & Tilford Cineplex 200 — 333 Brooksbank, North Vancouver (985-3911) What Planet are you From? (14A) — 1:15, 3:40, 7:20, 9:50 p.m. (no 7:20 p.m. show Sat, March 11) Erin Brockovich (14A) — 7 - p.m. Saturday only Hanging Up (PG) — 1:20, 3:20, 7:10 p.m. To Waik With Lions (PG) — 1:10, 3:30, 7:05, 9:30 p.m. American Beauty (144) — 1:05, 3:35, 6:55, 9:25 p.m. Drowning Mona (PG) — 1:15, 3:25, 7:25, 9:40 p.m. The Ninth Gate (14A) — 1, 3:45, 6:45, 9:35 p.m. The Beach (14A) — 9:15 p.m. @ Esplanade 6 Cinemas 200 W. Esplanade, North Vancouver (983-2762) Mission to Mars — Fri, Mon-Thu 7:10, 9:50 p.m. Sat/Sun 1:50, 4:20, 7:10, 9:50 Cider House Rules — Fri, Mon-Thu 7, 9:40 p.m. Sat/Sun 1:35, 4:15, 7, 9:40 p.m. The Ti; Movie — Fri, Mon-Thu 7:15 p.m. Sat/Sun 1:30, 3:30, 5:20, 7:15 p.m. Wonder Boys — Fri, Mon- Thu 7:30, 9:55 p.m. Sat/Sun See Filin Page & They understand the paperwork and the They have the knowledge and experience to assess the value of the claim SEE A LAWYER...YOU NEED ONE For more information call Misha at 988-2931 Supported by North Shore Multicultural Society. 986-4366 ARDAGH HUNTER TURNER . AFTER : HOURS 926-3181 Criminal matters only. #300-1401 LonspaLe Ave. NORTH VAN. £-mail: harryh@ahtlaw.com