‘Taking a walk upon one’s eyeballs AT THE risk of making too many people happy, I must report that I have what a medical book describes as ‘‘one of the most ancient and respectable diseases."’ Yes, your servant has gout, which should be spelt GOWT! Dr. Collins diagnosed the disease himself even before going to the man with the medical licence. **It’s gout,’” I informed Grey Eyes grandly, displaying the swollen foot. ‘‘Don’t be silly,”’ said she. ‘‘Only squires get gout:’’ It is true, of course, that gout used to be known as ‘‘squires’ disease.”' It is also true that the peasants thought the upper classes got it because they drank too much port. Of which I too am fond. The thought of having to swear off wine and other healthful things did me no good, especially after reading the wisdom of Alex- ander of Tallies, who stated in 580 A.D. that the best advice for gout sufferers was ‘‘little meat, strict temperance and a substance ob- tained from the corn and seeds of a lilly growing near Colchis in Asia.”’ Well, I don’t plan to roam around Asia looking for some lil- ly. Besides, ] would rather heed later authorities who say that “excesses in food and drink were once thought to be the cause of gout, but diet is no longer consid- ered to be a significant factor.’’ Good. At my age there’s not much more [ can give up without disappearing altogether. It is some consolation that many of the notable men in histo- ry have had gout: Like Ben Franklin, Dr. Johnson, Frederick the Great, and Leonardo da Vinci. And while I don’t like to boast, we gout-men may be a special breed. I quote from the Book of Health, Third Edition, which defines uric acid as the cause of Local Liberal candidate THE PROVINCIAL Liberal can- didate for the West Vancouver- Capilano riding said he agrees with the party’s recent decision to break ties with the federal wing. Jeremy Dalton made the com- ment after attending a weekend convention of the B.C. Liberal Party. WHY PAY FULL PRICE? | GOOD QUALITY CONSIGNMENT FURNITURE BOTH NEW & USED We buy or sell consignment 922-6506 986-1232 giving A nate PNM Collins ON THE OTHER HAND gout. (And I was about to blame Brian Mulroney!) “in a group of university pro- fessors given physical and psychological tests, those who had high levels of uric acid in the blood often seemed to rate higher in traits such as drive, leadership qualities and achievement.’* Clearly, it was not without cause that I rose to the dizzy rank of sergeant. So take comfort from the fact that gout can be good for you. To put it another way, if you are good, you can be good for gout. But what they meant by saying that gout is one of the most re- spectable of diseases is a puzzle. It’s better than AIDS, no doubt, and possibly better than scrofula, cirrhosis of the liver and spots be- fore the eyes. But what is respect- The convention also saw party leader Gorden Wilson reaffirmed as leader. There had been calls made earlier to oust Wilson, a Capilano College instructor, as leader. “Everyone in the provincial party is on side and we are totally committed to Gordon Wilson,”’ EASTER DINNER ¢ Baked Ham & Pineapple ¢ Scalloped Potatoes © Fresh Broccoli & Cauliflower * Hot Cross Buns & Honey Butter * Pumpkin Pie with Fresh Whipped Cream S askarcHewa R\] RESTAURANT TAY located at the of Park Royal South WEST VAN DENTAL GROUP has joined our practice at Park Royal Shopping Centre 755 Park Royal North West Vanccuver, B.C. Mon. ~— Sat. 8:00 a.m. | For your family’s dental needs, call 922-3232 Wednesday, March 27, 1991 HIGHLANDS UNITED CHURCH 3255 Edgemont Bivd., North Van Maundy Thursday 7 00 pm Good Friday Tenebrae Service 1000 am Saturday March 30 Easter Eve Vigit 1100 pm Easter Surday y 30 am & 1100 am Nursery. Tot care & chutch school 9 30am - North Shore News - 9 KURT’S CLOCK REPAIR Specialized in restoung Antique Wotches 3 Clocks 103-2433 Bellevue Ave. West Vancouver 922-7593 able about having a pain in the foot? It’s not only a pain in the foot but a Jumpin the foot. Mind you, disease can be a source of pride, just like wounds gained in battle. So when we had some friends over recently I took off my sock to show my gout-lump. They were not impressed. In- stead of giving groans of sym- pathy, they asked for niore gin. And indeed the gout wasn’t on its best form that night. Not like be- fore, when I suggested to Grey Eyes that someone should invent a gout-boot. Although it has its positive side, the news on the gout front can be discouraging. To quote the books again, ‘‘The acute phase lasts only a short time (days or weeks) and then disappears until the next at- tack.”’ Thanks for nothing, doc. There’s more. It says here that Hippocrates, the Greek know-all, “accurately noted gout’s sex- conditioned character, remarking its absence in eunuchs, in youths before :exual intercourse, and in women — unless their menses be stopped.”* Right now, it would be nice to be a eunuch. Pliny the Elder, a Roman scribbler of repute, ‘‘was aware of gout’s clinical nature.’’ But he gets no marks for that. So am I. Lillies from Asia being in short supply, other remedies ‘‘can pre- vent the formation of excess amounts of uric acid.’’ But what happens if the amounts are al- ready excessive? That’s what wor- ries me. Have another glass of port. You may take Dr. Collins’ word for it that the stuff is gout-friendly. 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