t

Doug Collins

get this straight @

IT WAS vubvious that Boxing Day was going to be a day
of difficulty. Right after breakfast I tried out my famous

mechanical aptitude on

the new Sanyo answering

machine. Moving my lips slowly, I counted off the parts
as J] put it together. But three buttons were missing.

‘*They’ve done it again,” says
I bitterly to Grey Eyes. ‘‘Three
buttons are missing. They never
get these things right. It'll have to

igo back.’’

She leaned over and tugged on
a tag. A small cover came up and
there were the three buttons, I
was furious. Then the wires and

j cables that littered the table at-
tached themselves to my cup of

coffee and tugged it over. Panic!
But Her Niftiness saved the new
carpet.

“The day is young,’’ I said
unhappily. ‘‘When will the third
blow come? Anyway, why don’t
you open your presents?”’

I should explain that Grey Eyes
had the bad grace to be born on
Boxing Day. Which does not
help, myself not being very good

f at choosing presents and all the

buying crowding in at ‘the same
time.

 *¢ was all the sales

clerk’s fault, I said.
She should have known
it was for a lady. Did
she think I was buying
an umbrella for my

bloody boyfriend?”’

The nightdress will never be
forgotten in our house, for in-

stance. Thirty years ago, in

! last-minute desperation to buy

something for Boxing Day, |
‘charged into Woodward's and
bought _ this Rolls Royce of
nightdresses,

She didn’t tell me it was stiff |

and had a ruff, and when Grey
Eyes put-it on‘she looked like
Queen Elizabeth [. In bed, she
looked like one of those effigies

_of a Dowager, Countess in an

English church.

It tickled, too, and a little later
was unobtrusively donated: to the
Salvation Army.” °

Anyway, there. I was, still in

“my Sanyo sulk, when a strange
| little:noise came from the sofa,
where my spouse was taking her’.

. present out of its large box. ‘It
was.a_ finely-engineered . folding
umbrella and didn’t need a large

_ box, but such’ boxes. make for

mystery and lam nothing if not a

“fun guy.
“Actually, the . lite noise was.
| \mor Of a strangled Basp. An.

SURREY
14625-108th AVE.
4 bl&s. north of Guildford /
'.: Phone 585-8877

NORTH VANCOUVER
1400 MARINE DRIVE. 4700 E. HASTINGS
984-0341

mediately suspicious, ] asked her
what was wrong with my great
gift.

“Well,” she said, giggling,
“it's a man's umbrella."

“Why did you have to say
something?"’ | asked, furious
again and not yet over my Sanyo
sulk.

Ignoring this, Grey Eyes
pointed out that it had a massive
thick curved handle and that
women liked a color other than
black.

“Do they, by God! Well, no-
body told me that."' Then, ever a
friendly puppy-dog after the first
flush of rebellion, I thought that
Jack Munro might like the thing
for one of his logging friends.

ht was all the sales clerk's fault,
I said. She should have known it
was for a lady. Did she think |
was buying an umbrella; ' for my
bloody boyfriend?

By this time we were both
holding our tummies in; ecstasies
of mirth, or Boxing Day might
have been marred by tragedy.

Grey Eyes said it was a
beautiful umbrella. Just right for
an up-and-coming young
stockbroker, ‘‘Well,’’ | wheezed,
“T could always buy you a bowl.
er hat to go with it."

Ha ha ha! Ho, ho, ho!

“Perhaps it’s a unisex un-
brella,’' 1 said, ‘'and would be
good for both of us.”*

But she wouldn't hear of it. If
she were seen in some places with
that umbrella she might be ar-
rested.

“‘J¢ says here it's windproof,"
chattered the dear girl, collapsing
again. ‘‘Just right for you.”

Falling on the. floor, she
reminded me that it had taken me
only 15 minutes to buy my’ pres-
ents. I had boasted about it.

That night I had a horrible
dream. I was in a jeweller’s shop
trying to buy Grey Eyes a ring.

_ Some of the rings had stones as

big as buckets. Some had stones
so small I had to use a micro-
scope to see them. Just couldn't
make my mind up... And when I
mentioned this to Mrs. Collins,
she fell out of bed. It was what
you might call a tumultuous
holiday.

eee

Sorry, Harold Ballard. You
ain’t dead, which is what I said
you were in one of my ‘‘quotes”’
columns.
‘who passed on. :

BURNABY

Cnr, of Hastings & Heta
Phone 294-5256

It was Punch | Imlach |

WV home burns

A CHRISTMAS Day house fire
sent a West Vancouver man to
hospital suffering from smoke in-
halation.

West Vancouver District
firefighters were called to a fire at
346 Moyne Drive at approximately
14:20 a.m.

Firefighters believe the fire orig-
inated in a furnace room adjacent
to the living room.

Fire damage to the home was
limited to the furnace and living
rooms. The rest of the house suf-
fered smoke damage.

§ - Friday, January 1, }988 - North Shore News

BRICKS 'N’ BLOCKS
On Jan. 4, 1988 BRICKS & BLOCKS will be opening their F
goors at a new larger location to serve you better. To
facilitate the move their store will be closed from 5 pm &
Wed., Dec. 23rd until & am Monday, January 4th.
* NEW LOCATION *
1389 Main St., N. Van.
(‘4 block west of old location, across from Venice Bakery) 984-3008 §

WATCH FOR OUR GRAND OPENING
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