© Ringing put the New Year

OF ail Christmas par-
ties, I find the one on
New Year’s Eve the
most stressful. I think
people who have these
parties just expect too
much of their guests.

The first thing that is
expected of you ata New
ars Eve party is that vou
stay awake until midnighr. I
am nota nighttime person,
so this is a big probiem for
me. The closer it gets to
midnight, the more atraid J
am that if } get too comftort-
able, PU nod off at the
party.

Ysaw a guy do that at a
New Year’s party once. [t
was a lawver who just could-
n’t make it afl the way to
midnight. He dozed off in
an armchair at about 11!

p.m, and drooled all over his
tie.

By the time his wile final-

ered him he had

ep for some time.

He woke up for a minute
when she jabbed him, and
launched into a disjointed
diatribe on some legal rul-
ing, but then his eyeballs
rolled back in their sockets,
and he was asleep again.

He spent the rest of the
night sitting there with his
head bobbing back and
forth as he snored, oblivious
to our snickers and j jeers.

Not only are you expect-
ed to stay up really late at
New Year’s Eve parties,
you're expected to do it in a
festive manner,

I'm a pretty che

maiibox

sort, but it’s hard to feel fes-
tive whea all TP can think
about is getting my shoes
offand flopping into bed.
For most New Year’s Eve
s you're also expected
up.

. my old black party
dress has about done its
thing for the year. I have
worn it seven times in the
last couple of weeks (nine
times if you count the two
nights [slept in it) and I
cannot stand to put it on
once more. Besides, the
cheeky frock has
an attitude, refusing to stay
flat over my stomach and
pinching me in all the
wrong plac

And, despite the fact thar
Pee been eating and drink-
ing my face off for two

finish off all the goodies she
has left from Christmas. She
doesn’t scem to understand
that I’m sick and tired of
stuffing myself with crab dip
and cheesecake until my
pantyhose are about to split.

But by far the most
stressful thing about New
Year's

few minutes of the New
Year.

Whether vou're male or
female, married or single, at
the stroke of 12 vour lips
become communal property.

I seem to attract the
messy caters, like the guy
who has a little hunk of
pickled herring dangling
from one of his nose hairs or
a big gob of spi h dip at
the corner of his mouth.
These guys love me.

Then there are the ner-
vous rs who practically
crash into vour mouth teeth
first. You can tell who thes
are. They're the ones skirter-
ing about like frightened
animals with blood on their
tecth and wild looking eyes.

And T can usually count
on getting a kiss from the
one guy at the party who
has had too much to drink
and upehucked his dinner in
the front yard at 10 minutes
to 12. 1] don’t know whom
he thinks he is kidding with
that one small piece of
Dentyne gum; it is not
doing the trick!

Then there is someone's
old Uncle Ralph with th
unkempt beard that looks
and smells as though it

a good rinse with
wvsol. T always get a kiss
trom Unele Ralph.

But the most revolting

isser by a long shor is the
anova who tries to get
passionate.

You know him: he’s the
guy who takes the “wer
kiss” co a whole new place.

Refore vou have a chance to
pull away you're engaged in
p lock chat makes
cross and your
skin crawl. That kiss alone is
enough to make you want
to skip the New Year's Eve
party altogether.
ff it wasn’t for the fact
that my friend Cheryl is trv-
ing a new recipe for chic
wings and Karen will be
there with her cure new
bovtriend, [ wouldn't bother
going to this year’s party at
all.
Now, where is chat old
black dress again...? Oh hell,
Pub find it after my nap.

MOM AND DAD

Roy and the Boys
& Mack Tenne

To hear music call
UP TOON Operator
at 878-6660 &
at 878-6662

CD $tt.40 tyres and
Cassette $10 frelacd
Call nit Cove Musie
929-COVE [2683) or

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UP UP. UP or 878-7187
P.O. Box 52030
North Var B.C. ¥7J 200

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Dear Editor:

As a visitor to Vancouver
trom that politically incorrect
frontier to the north, it has
been interesting to see how
our more socially conscious
neighbors to the south
address certain issues such as
law enforcement.

It seems that thieves and
sex offenders are treated with
kid gloves and fenient sen-
tences, but advocates of
speech must defend them-
selves in court. With the
international spodight on
Vancouver during APEC,
pro-democracy demonstrs
tors are assa
and askedl to sign away their
right of assembly and demon-
stration as a condition of
their release, while the prime
minister jokes abour using
pepper spray on UBC stu-
dents. The Jeaders of China
and Indonesia never see or
hear a discouraging word,
and come away duly
impressed with how dis
dents are dealt with here, 'm
sure,

Perhaps when the United
States and Canada resume
salmon treaty negotiations,
we will see human rights
issues addressed as a condi-

ee the Us. deal with NORTH LONSDALE UNITED

when the
China and Indonesi Worship, & Sunday School 10: 30 am

Richard Montagna
Fairbanks, Alaska

om

‘Mon ‘Sarg 940530 =

Sun 2-5
Sut 125

Winter claes schedule available mid December 4kKi<¢

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