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C8 - Wednesday, February 4, 1981 - North Shore News

QUESTION: t am 24 and
have a wonderful boy friend.
I have been going sround
with for six months now. He
is four years older than I and
has. a good: job and a very
friendly

‘and

QUESTION: I have Meena
Cndependailiy me with her

“never works out as planned.
_ She'll. come. two hours early

or three. hours late, or on the

wrong day:or not at all. The
only thing I can depend on is
that °it will not be “as
planned”.

renpectable

» When we

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 °
for appointments for individual, fam
office in the International Plaza Hotel ((
convenience of North Shore residents.

_ family. We are not living
together, simply because I
do not want-to.get into that
yet. He wants me to: 0 Hive with
him. - - ‘have
made love a few tines, Ido
not want to get into a real

a .
a4

The last try we made
ended with her a “no-show”
and I tried to figure out why

because I was with her when

she wrote down the date and
time. She had & written in
for December instead of
January and we were already
past December! [ like her
and would like to continue

She likes to do good

‘QUESTION: 1 like to do

things for people. I'm *

senfor citizen and alone. I

have no problems and no
needs to speak of and I have
enough mozey and health
and time to he of service to
others. This is my problem (I
said I didn’t have any didn't
I). fm always afraid the
people Ihelp .. alnk 'm
doing good things in order to
get some credit or recogni-
tion. I'm afraid theyTl think I
am showing off, or giving
assistance to impress them.

As a matter of fact, I simply
like to.do for others. That's
all. No more — no less. Any
suggestions?

STEWART: I think I have a
great idea! Give it your con-
sideration and see whether it
suits your intentions. It is
this: Keep on with your
“good works,” but try to do
everything you do for others
without letting them find out
who it is that is being
gracious to them. It will take
some slinky scheming — but
give it a try.

Bro or group counselling. His

ask hayden stewart

: : - ‘ 5 - ~

cr

pen Tuesdays only) is for the

sexual relationship with him

until I feel ready for it. J
: ad:

our friendship, but how in
the world is it possthle?

STEWART: It is possible if
you concentrate on your
liking her and om your
friendship for her, rather
than concentrating on your
“specific expectations” of
her. Accept the reality of her
being untrustworthy as to

meeting times fnd places, —

and also the ‘reality of her
likeability and her poten-
tiality as a friend. Take her
as she is. If “like-she is” is not

enough for you, don't worry, - fe

the friendship will run its
natural course. Until it does

~

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request for your help is that
he has been assigned an
overseas project in con-
nection with his work that
will take him to Europe for
three months and he want
me to go with him! I would
love to go — what girl
wouldn't? — but I think it
would be impossible for me
06 live in the life-style I want
while on a three months trip

with a man, Right? Do I

sound terribly
fashioned?

old-

STEWART: Yes, you sound
terribly old-fashioned. But

‘from you it sound good.

— enjoy!

Is there any chance at all
that you, are a bit too rigid
and inflexible and calendar
conscious and that her being
different makes you react
more than the situation calls

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ines : ey fn v
. °

Being old-fashioned or out in.

the lead of the sexual. revo-
lution really has nothing
much to do with what you
are trying to decide.

You'll not go wrong by
being the person‘you want to

_ be, whether someone else

calls it old-fashioned or up-
front. As long as you feel like
you do, you'd be wise to say
thanks but no thanks. You
might add, “ask me again
next year — [ll see.”

Another thing. you might
consider is to offer to pay
your way and to select your

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accommodations and to
have one whale of a
gloriously exciting trip with
this guy you like sp much.

Be sure you let him know
you would love to-go, but
that you are just not ready to

‘make the trip a sexual pilgri-

mage. If he sees and under-
stands your point, that will

. be great. If he can’t under-

stand you and hassles you for
not catering to him suf-
ficiently, then you'll be glad
you are not making the trip.
“To thine own self be
true....

731-2311

- Feb. 14

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