4 — Wednesday, January 29, 1992 - North Shore News

Breast baring:
Guelph incident
Shows law has it
all topsy-turvy

THERE WAS a2 young lady from Guelph who pot fined
$75 on the anniversary of the start of the Gulf War for

exposing her breasts in public.

That is, she was convicted of
walking about on a very hot day
(91°F) for four hours in Guelph's
downtown shopping area last
summer — topless.

And got busted, if you'll excuse
the expression.

This is Ontario, right? But even
in Ontario, it takes one’s breath
away, especially within weeks of a
rock group called Bare Naked
Ladies being banned from per-
forming at a Toronto City Hall-
sponsored event.

Now don’t let me get away with
this too casily. What, you should
ask, have a young lady's boobs
got to do with the Gulf War?

Are we attempting to equate the
Gulf War with the Cleavage
Wars?

Surely this is some cheap jour-
nalistic trick hatched by a dirty-
minded old columnist to give
himself an excuse to write about
female mammaries in a family
newspaper. The crafty old
degenerate!

This explanation is a point
worth touching on, | admit. But |
will uphoid the argument that the
injection of such an issue throws a
curve into the debate. {1 is not
sagacious.

The fact is, if you can grasp the
matter, the Guelph Two and the
Gulf War are very definitely
related.

Without skirmishes like tne
Guif War every once in a while,
Islam would overwhelm the world
and young ladies in Guelph would
get a lot more than a $75 fine for
showing their titties on the street.

Under Islam, young ladies who
did that sort of thing would br
iucky to avoid being stoned to
death, and [ don’t mean puffing,
on too much weed.

In the year since the Gulf War
we have seen an incredibl: number
of changes in the world, from the
fall of the Soviet Union to the
coliapse of George Bush into a
Japanese prime minister’s lap, al-
though one thing hasn't changed:
Saddam Hussein is still in charge
in Baghdad, probably will be fons
after Bush and what’s-his-name-
san are gone.

The significance of this conflict
wasn’t just the use of smart
bombs and computer viruses,

For the first time since the days
of the legendary Amazons and the
historically-real Celtic ladies like
Boadicea, women joined the battle
as professional warrioresses.

One even got taken as a pris-
oner of war, and was treated ac-
cordingly, except that she wasn't
beaten up.

It was ironic that She-Ra, the
cartoon doll with the sword,
should be pulled from the net-
works and shelves by Maite! Toys
because of slumping sales the very
same year that sexually-integrated
military forces from Canada and
the United States frontally attack-
ed an Islamic nation.

While in Guelph, a nan-male
Canadian was arresicd for going
topless.

Now, come on, You never hear
os men “going topless.’’ Men just
don’t have a shirt on.

There’s nothing wrong wah not
having irton, unless you're
trying to get service in a place thai
has a dress code or you are ap-

PERSONAL

pearing in front of a judge.

Unless, of course, you're a
woman,

The really finguistically discom-
bobulating thing about it is chat
tuplessness only applies to humans
with something on the top.

it should actually be called top-
fulness. Males ure topless, women
are topful. But the law has it all
topsy-turvy.

fam entirely in favor of women
having the right to appear in
public without shirts whenever
they want to. Or without T-shirts.
Or halters. Or bikini tops. Or
bras. Or band-aids.

Hey, let me be up-front about
this, I'm an ultra-liberal when it
comes to voluntary female mam-
mary exposure.

! believe it is an inalienable
right. | would fight to the death
to defend this right, if it was in
fact a right, but according to the
judgment handed down in
Guelph, it isn’t, so don’t have
to.

f just want to be on record,
along, ! believe, with a majority
of non-female democrats, in ex-
pressing my firm support for the
young lady from Guelph.

Islamic women get into deep
trouble if even their noses are ex-
posed in public, never mind their
nipples, for Allah’s sake. This is
paternalistic theocratic despotism
at its worst, if you ask me.

Since so many of our women
were willing to go over to the Gulf
and fight for freedom, f think
they should be able to throw off
the yoke of male oppression here
at home and hang out where they
want, when they want.

T hope this doesn’t come out
sounding glib. Believe me, I am
not trying to deny the gravity of
the situation or to pretend for a
moment that the young lady's cup
runneth over because she happens
to live in an open society.

In my opinion — and I’m sure
the opinion of all those supportive
men — this lady deserves a big
hand.

The topless crusader is a 20-
year-old student at the University
of Guciph. Strange how it seems
ty be the younger women, as a
rale, whe stand up for the right to

bare-breasted in public.

i guess their attitudes have been

orces beyond their
is perfectly fitting.

Personaiiv, | find the whole
thing uplifting tn the extreme.
ECT

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