38 — Wednesday, January 15, 1992 - North Shore News

Make wishes known from the beginning

Q.MY MOTHER says that
in her day a girl who didn’t
want to have intercourse
could stili have sexual
pleasure.

Dr. Ruth
Westheimer

ASK DR. AUTH

They cailed it ‘‘peiting’’ or
“necking.” In our day the word
is ‘‘foreplay”, but it’s supposed to
lead to intercourse. Why can’t we
have ‘‘foreplay”’ and stop ai that?

E am 18, a virgin end would like
to stay. that way. I have played
around with boys my own age,
and they fave respected my
wishes.

is there anything wrong with
expecting a mature man to stop
before the maia event? And if
not, how do I get him to do that?
I'm dating a man who is 27 now.

A. First, bravo to you fer
knowing what you want and get-
ting it! There is certainly nothing
wrong with expecting a man of
any age to honor your wishes
about sex.

Whatever you call it, ‘‘petting’’

LIFESTYLES

is a good way for a woman to ex-
Press her sexual feelings without
tisk, Tell him in the beginning ex-
actly where you stand. It’s impor-
tant that he know the = rules.
Otherwise, he might think he is
getting somehere with you when
he is allowed to touch your body.

When you do decide to have
sex, please protect yourself from
unwanted pregnancy and disease.
Good iuck to you!

Q. My wife is considerably
younger than I am. While I just
turned 60, she won’i be 35 for
several more months. The age dif-

ference hasn’t hurt us, but I worry

that it will.

E don’t have the sexual stamina
I did a few years ago. She wants
sex more than she ever did, while
my seed for, and ability to bave,
an orgasm isn't what it was.

I don’t know how to handle
this. Should I say to her, **Look,
honey, I'm not as young as [ used
to be, but I love to please you.
Let me give you the orgasms
without worrying if I have one or
not."’?

Wilt that approach make her
more aware of my declining sexual
abilities or convince her 1 know
how to compensate for the lack? I

don’t want her to think she'll have -

te give up sex or look elsewhere
one of these days.

A. There is no need for her to
think that because it isn’t true!
Many couples, even those who are
close in age, have different levels
of desire.

Your solution to this common
problem is an ideal one. But you
don’t need to tell her, ‘I’m not as
young as I used to be.”? That
would only focus attention on the
negative.

Instead, say to her, ‘‘Honey, I
don’t need an orgasm tonight, but

No ‘proper’ way to behave

From page 37

is one “‘proper’’? way for women
to behave in dangerous situations.
“We've been told ‘don’t’ for

years —- don’t go out after dark, -

don’t walk alone. I think there are
real risks in the world, but, for
example, the bathroom is one of
the most dangerous rooms in the
house. Do we all stop taking
baths?”?
Her

philosophy is victims

should resort to anything that
works. : .
“I had one disabled woman
who defended herself by smashing
the footrest of her wheeichair into
her attacker’s shin. He backed
off. I had another woman who
took her crutch and rammed it
between her attacker’s legs.’’

The important thing, says Mac- .

pherson, is for women to discover
what they can do and learn how
to put it into practise.

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MARINE DRIVE

I want to satisfy you.’’ Then
make love to her. It’s also fine if
sometimes you hold her while she
masturbates herself.

As long as you are both
satisfied sexually and feeling
strongly connected to each other,
does it matter how she has
orgasms?

Q. t thought I'd found the rela-
tionship I'd always wanted, and
now I'm afraid of losing it. 1 am
42, divorced, and the mother of
two sons, ages 7 and 13, who live
with me.

Two years ago I met a wonder-
ful man. We took it slow. Because
of the boys, I didn't want to rush

into anything. About six months
ago, we got to the point where he
was staying over on the weekends.
The sex was wonderful. We were
tatking about getting married.

Then, (wo months ago his
business failed. Since that time,
Fve seen little oF him. When I do
see him, we either don’t) make
love or have lukewarm sex. He
says it's not me or anything I've
done.

Can a manreually beso devastated
by a business failure that he can't
make love? This left him far less
comforatable than he was, but not
broke. f am afraid he's using this
as a polite cover for loss of sexual

IT’S A WHALE OF A JANUARY

interest in me.

What should I do? When I try
being more seductive, he doesn't
seem to notice.

A. This is not the time to be
seductive. Yes, a man can be so
devastated by a professional loss
that he loses interest in sex.

if you love him, be patient.
Believe him when he says you are
not tie problem. He has lost con-
fidence in himself, and resto:ing
that confidence may take a little
time,

Very seductive behavior will on-
ly make him feel pressured to
have sex. Then if he can’t perform
he'll feel like a bigger failure.

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