a Facing the menace of M

THE spouse and I
attempted to escape.

We went out on the eve
of Monica’s debut.

When we returned we
found Monica still animating
the screen, and my 16-vear-
old doing her math while
muttering under her breath:
“This is what Career and
Personal Planning (CAPP)
Grade VI classes can turn
you into.”

“You have to save me
from brain death, Mum,”
clucks my child, feverishly
plotcing points on a graph.

Nice try.

But the kid has a point:
Monica is a product of the
“Zeitgeist,” and so is the
TV-pimp, Bawbawa Walters.

After watching some
more, [ realized who the real
hero was in all this.

The man who stood
bravely between the rublic
and this caricature of a
woman is no other than fin-
ger-in-the-dyke Kenneth
Starr.

It is the independent
counsel we should thank for
delaying the unleashing of
the histrionic Monica.

But let’s not dismiss my
kid*s theory, however self
serving. Menaces like
Monica are a product of the
times, and CAPP is the edu-
cational tendril that nurtures

recline

fair
comment

the Monica prototype in the
schools.

Girls are hot-housed to
believe that “fike” they
deserve everything “and
stuff”

That empowerment
means they can abandon rea-
son and realistic self
appraisal because they are
“totally great.”

Feelings rule. Venting
and pouting are the only
ways of being, and if a gay
doesn’t return your calls,
President or “whatever,”
he’s a jerk.

Above all vour sexuality is
your shrine, second only to
your self-esteem.

Monica, of course, blames
her woes on a “low self
esteem.” What else?

Her demeanour, however,
was anything but demure.
Her admirers chose “self-
possessed” to describe her
countenance, although arro-
gant is what really comes to
mind.

Federal tax wasie is

Dear Editor:

How much does it take for
the “silent
Canada’s citizens to rebel
against this inane waste of our
tax dollars? (See Ted White's
column —- The Waste Report
— Feb. 24 News.)

The few cases he cites,
totalling more than $25 mil-
lier, are a tctal disgrace to the
intelligence of the population
as a whee,

Who are the appointed
*nincompoops” who receive,
vet and then approve such
requests?

Surely, there muse be
someone in authority who is
supposed to use certain, logi-
cal criteria in the
selection/approval process.
Whar excuse can they give for
wasting, our money on such
ridiculous projects?

Who then polices the state
of these grants to ensure that
the money does go to the
approved project and is not
used 3 fine someone else's
pocket?

Where is the accountability
of our minister of finance in
this whoie picture. Surely the
level of the national debt is
such, that this kind of waste
should be unthinkable.

Let’s get some answers to
these questions from our
elected government officials
(not the opposition party) and
voice Our disapproval of such
waste, for, to be sure, this is

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majority” of

only the tip of the iceberg,
and such vast funds could be
pur to much better use in our

Ifanvthing this girl suf
ters inflated self esteem, and
selfimportance with a good
dose of grandeur, Suspended
as she ts ina vorten of self
absorption, Monica threw
tantrums when the President
of the United States shied
away trom blowing his sax
over the phone tor her.

And the Pres, says
Monica, should have broad:
cast their “relationship” to
the world if he had any
decency.

From where Monica ts
perched, the President’s men
had no right to come
between her and her lover.
This is a woman with a
chunky selFesteem to match
her keister.

Next: Monica says
“SOFTY.

Fully 66% of those polled
thought Monica’s apology to
the First wife and daughter
was a sincere one.

What the public now
accepts as an apology is
another sick sign of the
times. Monica says she is
contrite yet proceeds to peel-
off layer by layer every scab
that ever formed over the
sorry affair,

She carries out this exer-
cise in expiation in view of
millions of people. Apologies
have become nothing but
Oprah-like moments, where
victims and perpetrators col-

atrocious

total economic picture.
R. Meyer
West Vancouver

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laborate, under the media’s
gaze, to belittle che meaning
of lass and injustice.

On che subject of the
media, | did my own small
Survey of reactions to
Monica. Frankly, she doubles
up (quite literally, T sup-
pose), as a usetid litmus test
for the quality of commen
tary in the press, The
National Post came tons,
consistently assigning wry
descriptions to the “bubble
head”

Second came the New
York Times, reterring to the
interview as “...a giddy
Cosmo version of self-real-
ization, a taie told in the
psvehosexual language of
magazine covers that urge
their readers to own their
sexuality.”

For their commentary,
the Globe and Mail, and the
Vancouver Sun vied fora
position on the lowest of
rungs.

John Allemang of the G
and M effervescenty
bestowed on Monica endless
superlatives: all-consumingly
sensuous, frank, fucid, artic-
ulate, focused. Blah, blah,
blah.

Even her voice: “high,
gentle and firm,” gave this
man the hets.

Bur the Vancouver Sun
upped the ante by dignifying
Monica’s beok with a review.
I suppose I needn’t be sur-
prised. This is, after all, the
same newspaper that failed
to mention Noble Laureate
Patrick White in its Best
Books of the Century inven-

n March 12. 1999 -- North Shore News - 7

tories, and whose editorials
refer to Multiple Resonance
Imaging instead of Magnetic
RI.

The challenged reviewer
called the book “delicious,”
and offered a sample of
Andrew Morton's lumpen
prose.

Are vou prepared for
another strmg of linguistic
vactuties? Monica is analyti-
cal, sharp, brilliant, with a
photographie memory ... ad
nauseum,

Morton, who told
Princess Diana’s “story,” is
popping up under every
rock, with details about the
genesis of Monica’s “pain.”

Do you know what being
snubbed by Torry Spelling

nicamania

ean do to such a fragile psy
che?

The floodgates have been
epened, folks, Monica’s heft
is upon us. Bur let’s be clear
ona couple of issues. Girls
like Monica don’t get
betrayed, they simply star
(no pun intended) in their
own destructive passion
plays.

Monica shared her stain-
filled affair with anyone who
would stand still long
enough to listen, Monica
selected her cast, including
the sneering Linda Tripp.

And as for the President of
the United States ... ve said
all ’'m going to sav. But feel
free to embellish.

— gome@attcanada.net

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