> M- Sunday, August 25,-1985 - North Shore News Explanations not needed DEAR MISS MANNERS — I am a2 single female, 32 years of age, and I do not currently have a beau. Although I enjoy dating, [ certainly do not wish to ac- cept every invitation. In past years, a gentleman would ask me if J would like to go out, and I might decline and thank him for asking. That would be the end of it. Now I find that many men will not take ‘‘no" for an answer. 1 am referring to in- telligent and otherwise well-mannered businessmen, stockbrokers, ete. After what I believe is a polite re- fusal, they inquire into my reason, often asking if it was something they did wrong. Although I consider the fact that they ask such a question to be quite rude, since it makes for an awkward situation, I do not wish to reply in kind. ares miss menners by Judith Martin Therefore, when I am sure that I will not be found out, I indicate that 7 already have ‘a beau. But even when assured it _is fairly serious, they often continue to pursue me by calling my place of business. I have a management posi- tion at a local firm and do not see how I can avoid the -mention of the firm's name in conversation. I have not “encouraged these requests through flirtation, nor do I give out my unlisted home phone number. I do not wish to imply that ‘1am deluged with such re- : quests; however, the pro- blem I. have described is becoming. more frequent. Several women friends have ‘experienced: the same _ stressful situation. With those who are aware that a beau does not exist, I am at a loss. Suggestions that we have little in com- mon open up debate; excuses indicating that professional and other obligations leave NORTH SHORE NEIGHBOURHOOD HOUSE ESTHER BELL DAYCARE 3361 Mountain Highway 2 years - 4 years FOR INFORMATION & RESERVATIONS Phone 987-2052 me with virtually ‘no free time only prolong the agony by encouraging more at- tempis, GENTLE READER — A lady does not give reasons for not being accessible to a particular gentleman. She doesn't explain why she won't go out with him, she doesn’t expain why she won't marry him, and she doesn’t explain why she won't do anything in be- tween. : The very notion that every lady would yield, if she didn’t have a compelling reason net to, is insulting. However, the rule against explaining is not made for the convenience of ladies so much as it is for the protec- tion of gentlemen. They may think they want to hear why a particular lady is turning them down, but they are mighty unhappy when they do. It is, of course, true that declining one date leaves a gentleman ignorant of whether you are simply not - free or intend to decline all his attentions. The third try is supposed to tell him that. However, as you point out, such subtlety eludes some of them. Therefore, you must master the all- purpose refusal. Do not make up stories about boyfriends, or worse, tell them truthfully that you have nothing in common. Instead, learn to say, ‘‘Oh dear, this is a bad time for me: ‘I don’t know when I'll be free. Why don’t | take your number and call you if I am?”’ Then if they track you down at work, you may certainly say curtly, ‘‘I'm sorry. 1 don’t take personal calis at the office.’’ DEAR MISS MANNERS — My son got a new bike for his seventh birthday. He was told several times when he got it that it should be lock- ed up in the shed when not in use. Well, it was not locked up, and six weeks Jater, it was stolen. My husband and I told him we would get him a new bike when we got the in- surance money. My mother thinks it is wrong to wait -and wanted to get him a bike WALDORF SCHOOL Pre-school..... ; Kindergarden. Gr. 2....... , Gr 3.0... Gr. 4...... vines Gr. Bo... Gr. 6.......00, Gr. 7... 0.000, Gr. 8......000, Gr. 9... cee, , Gr. 40........ . Gr. 44... 0.04. Gr 42.0000... For further VANCOUVER numbers of students for September ’85 : Cee eas 4 student Lect ees 4 student Lees 4 student Levees 4 student beeen 4 student Leas 4 student 985-7435 the day after it was taken, even when I told her no. She says he’s not respon- sible enough at 7 to put his bike away (which is not the real issue). I feel she should respect our decision on the matter; after all, we are the parents. We feel he may not be totally responsible, but waiting will help him be more responsible next time. GENTLE READER — In- deed, we have here two issues, the authority issue and the cruel-world issue. As it happens, Miss Manners agrees with you on both. But she is full of sympathy nevertheless for the erring grandmother. The instinct to protect one’s progeny from cruel facts as theft, creating a world where everything bad can be undone, is a strong one, motivated by nothing but love. Grand- parents have the luxury of expressing emotional sup- port without worrying about day-to-day child-rearing. However, you, as a parent, have the difficult job of gradually teaching the child about harsh reality and self-protection, By replacing the bicycle, but explaining that there is a_ practical reason to delay, you are, Miss Manners believes, do- ing your duty to your child in a gentle but sensible’ way appropriate to his capacity to understand. All you need do now is show the same gentleness, tolerance and firmness toward your mother, when you explain that you ap- preciate her warm offer but must act as you think best in educating your child. 29.YEARS OF: PROFESSIONAL ‘SALES & SERVICE - 285. 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