ed 42 - Sunday, July 14, 1985 - North Shore News Tolerate talk of lover’s ex-love DEAR MISS MANNERS — At a dinner with the object of my affections, a femate friend of his, and ker male companion, the conversation was light and pleasant until this female friend brought up, out of the blue, the sub- ject of a woman whom my companion had dated several years ago, They had discussed this woman on other occasions and had a good jaugh. I could find itde to laugh about and finished the even- ing with good grace but sev- eral large knots in my stom- ach. When my companion and I ceturned to our shared abode, I told him 1 thought his friend’s remarks were in- appropriate. I said she could hot have know how I would react, since she and I had Hever met before, so ‘she ‘should have saved Teminiscences of that nature . for their lunches together. My companion replied that no slight was intended, either ¢{o me or to our rela- tionship, and J was being too sensitive. He said that once I got to know this friend bet- ter, as he fervently hoped I would, I could present my objections to her myself in a friendly and . constructive _ manner. I replied that I thought it ‘his responsibility, if not to “‘train’’ his friends, to refrain .from encouraging them by laughing along. . Am I being too sensitive? Have I. inflicted that . hypersensitivity . on my friends? Should.a person of the world be: expected to fake such gratuitous and uninvited remarks in stride? Or ‘should a well-man- nered person of the world be expected to ‘know. enough not to make such remarks in the first place? GENTLE READER — Those knots in your stomach worry Miss Manners. She could certainly make an eti- quette case against two peo- ple discussing a third in front of a fourth who does not know the third. She most certainly believes that it is in bad taste to discuss, with anyone at all, the more romantic aspects of any in- timacy in which one has par- ticipated. But she does not want to encourage you in believing that society must conspire to make you believe that you are your companions’ first love. You really do not want your beau, who has shown himself anxious to make his friend’ be your friend, to train others to censor their. conversation by explaining how sensitive you are. How much better a figure you would cut if you gently defended this woman from - their humor. Saying, with a tolerant smile, ‘‘Why, I think you’re both awful — I’m sure. she was a lovely woman, and you are just be- ing wicked,” will spoil this line of conversation for them much more effectively than showing discomfort. DEAR MISS MANNERS — There are 10 people, either immediate family or friends, who I write to at least twice a month, asking questions about the development of my nephews, their own con- Recycling now state. of the art From Pago 41. World ‘War’ when’ rationing was in effect. : .: “There are a lot of com- panies in recycling that hope to make’ money, ** he said. “We are in it just because ~ it’s a good fundraiser. Everybody throws paper out and we use that paper to buy . equipment or help a boy out.”” . Although Mohawk Lubri- cants Lid, is a profit-making company, it seems money -isn’t the primary motivation. As believers in the recycling ethic, they say they have in- vested more than $20 million “into, research and develop- ment. And Mohawk’s more than 400 do-it-yourself service stations, where used oil is collected from consumers using their facilities, last year donated $3,000 to the B.C. Variety Club. [HASTINGS ravel Ltd. YOUR EUROPEAN TRAVEL CENTRE - WITH. ss EFFICIENCY” ."- Prampt - _ CALL: 689- 046 744 WEST HASTINGS ST. VANCOUVER, B.C. VEC 1A5 : Using a_province-wide system of depots and collec- tion trucks, McGovern says they travel.as far north as Fort Nelson, west to Queen Charlottes and east to Alberta, and as far south as Portland, Oregon in pursuit of waste oil. To McGovern,’ recycling used oil means that an otherwise wasted, sometimes obnoxious, product can be put back into the market- place without upsetting the environment. “We're doing it with paper, glass and metal. Why not used oil?” Mohawk Lubricants and Scoutmaster Wotton, win- ners of two of GVRD’s seven receycling awards, have demonstrated that anyone can be a driving force behind the ecology movement. COMPLETE WORLDWIDE TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS FOR BUSINESS OR PLEASURE Personalized - Multilingual Service at no extra cost. Free ticket delivery VERENA FUARER —Owner— or visit our office at: (AT HOWE) dition, and so on. All these people take anywhere from a month to four months to reply. When they finally do write, my questions are seldom answered. They also fail to mention the birthday card or present I mailed. I haven't the budget to cali all these people long distance. However, I do She will certainly join you in hearty condemnation of those who do not swiftly ac- knowledge receiving pres- ents. One can only presume that such people dislike receiving presents, and stop sending them. But rather than chastise your delinquent correspon- dents about keeping up genera! corespondence, she miss manners by Judith Martin have the money for stamps and the interest to write. When J confront them in person or on the phone, they say something like, ‘Oh, you're so good about that sort of thing. I'll try to do better.”’ Believe me, they never do. : I don’t want to give up on these people, but my ps- tience is wearing thin. 1 also don’t think it’s my place to find out if they have received | packages that they should have received months ago. What is your view on all this? Miss Manners yields to no one in her. admiration of let- ter writers and of those who take. an active interest in their friends and_ relations. GENTLE READER _ would like to say something about the pacing of relation- ships. Whether the usual con- tacts between people are by visit, by telephone or by let- ter, their frequency must be regulated by what is ap- propriate.to the schedule of emotional commitment of each. This cannot be done unilaterally, by. your deciding how often it is con- venient. for you to keep in touch, and then berating. people - who don’t follow your-standard. ° ‘ However, Miss Manners has an idea for. improving . not. only your correspon- dents, but the world. Why - don’t you encourage your. nephews to write to you? That will not be simple, | ENTERTAINMENT Biackjack e Roulette Vegas Wheel Games ie Mi aby, 8S Dancing — Full Bar Facilities TWO BIG NIGHTS! 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