8 - Friday, July 5, 1985 - North Shore News Killer mashed potatoes emind me not to have any dinner tomor- row. And it would be just as well not to have any breakfast or lunch. Not only that, but keep the newspapers away from me. They’re full of bad news food news. Life has become terrifying for us hypochondriacs. Show me someone who isn’t chewing his nails over his health, .and J will show you someone who can't read. The papers actually employ doctors to tell us how bad things are, and there are more medical reporters than medical students. If, we’re not having blood pressure news pushed at us, it’s heart failure news or kidney news or ingrowing toenail news. From being people who never used to give a damn about anything except where the next ale was to come from, we've become people who can’t wait to get the next ration of ailment news. It wouldn’t be so bad if they kept all this news to the strictly medical: like how to. get over a hangover. But they don’t. They (whoever they are) are determined that we shall die of depression. You would think, for in- stance, that they could leave mashed potatoes alone. But no, Mashed potatoes have joined the long list of vic- tuals that are bad for you. Especially if you are a likely candidate for diabetes, which means practically everyone. But even if you are diabetes-free, you should beware of the mashed potato. Especially the lovely Idaho. 1 got this vital intelligence from the front page of an Eastern newspaper. That’s right. They couldn’t. even hide such bad news among the dirty personals, The headline was right there on the front page. “Mashed potatoes linked to high blood-sugar level,’’ it said. It was a 100 per cent Ca- nadian item. Usually, we filch such stuff from the Yanks or Brits. But it seems that researchers at the Uni- versity of Toronto _ have discovered that eating mash- ed boiled potatoes can in- crease blood-sugar levels by 25 per cent, and that the “*big- white fluffy idaho’’ is worse than the domestic sort. . increase your blood-sugar level, man, and you're prac- tically a goner. Or gonner. You'll fall apart as sure as God made little arteries, and if you continue on your bad course the best you can ex~ pect is to be taken to a home and be fed kids’ pap out of a spoon for the rest of your life. Don’t these guys have anything better to do? Why muck around getting bad news out of spuds? Their grants should be cut off. We already know, of course, that sausages are bad for you. So that knocks bangers and mash on the head. No.-wonder the in- cidence of impotence is greater now than at any time in the history of man. Come to think of it, all ‘meat is bad for you. You might as well chew poison. It'll send up your blood pressure, make your hair fall out and cause you to go blind. Already, Gray-Eyes snatches bits of meat right out of my mouth, They tell us, too, that meat-eaters are much more likely to” get cancer than anyone else is. Vegetables, they say, are now about the only safe things. On the other hand, they teil us we can get cancer by eating veggies that have been Sprayed with some nourishing herbicide, like those English cukes that hit the bad news food news recently. Eggs, butter, milk, liver, kidneys, bacon and pretty well everything else that made is great are also sup- posed to be harmful to the human system. Weil, if you ask me, it’s the trend away from such comestibles that’s led to the creation of human rights commissions and press councils. And now they want to take mashed potatoes away from us? AT THE TRACK Handicapping Seminars with Vancouver's RIC BEAU presented by the Ship of Seven Seas Guest Speakers from Phoenix Arizona, the lady who wrote The Body Language of Horses BONNIE LEDBETTER July 20th 1985, 8:30 AM - Pre-Register by phone please: 669-2891 _ SPECIAL EVENT JULY 5, 1985 ANDREW MICHAEL KARRAM Happy 3rd Birthday, Son With Love, Daddy, Mommy & Baby Sister AUTOMOBILES . 4806 E. Hastings St., Burnaby “A Family Business” 294-2111 For more than 16 years, our newspaper has been helping businesses grow’ through advertising. Successful advertisers continue advertising and our client list increases with every issue of the North Shore News. There’s no news like the North Shore News. THE VOICE OF NORTH AND WEST VANCOUVER orth shore’. ne’ SUNDAY - WEONESDAY ° FRIDAY Display Advertising - 980-6511 i zi Zz