QUESTION: - ’'m - looking

for a certain person a and don’t

mow how to go about finding

° have both experimented with
| pot and neither I. nor their
father know anything about
it. The boys wanted to talk
with us about it, but when

_ they sensed that we were
mired in ignorance § and
leaning towards trying to get
them to leave it alone, we
suddenly were out of the
rumning as wise confidants.
Neither my husband nor J
blamed them fer that
tude.
encounter is that they are
going to be open with us and
we are not going to try te
manipulate them into some
position they cannot under-.
stand or think through.

The other part of the plan

is that we have agreed to try |

to find someone to talk with
them about marijuana who
knows what he’s talking
about [from experience] and
is not related to any agency
or organization- that is

promoting something either

CHADLOUT ON ATUSUNONTEARRR AERA STR OTTERAORTORY

Freelance Counsellor Hayden
Stewart may be reached at
261-6242 for appointments for

. individual, family or group
counselling.

His new office in the Plaza
international Hotel . [open
Tuesdays only) is. for the
convenience of North. Shore
residents.

Letters are always welcomed. |
Mait them to . HAYDEN
STEWART, c/o The North

’ Shore News, #202-1139 Lons-
’ dale, North Vancouver.

for ro!

QUESTION: A
man recently asked me to go
on one of his business trips
with him. I've known him
quite a while and on the spur
of the moment I agreed to go.
Although he really was on a
business trip, he had quite a
lot of time off and we had a
very enjoyable time. He was
thoughtful and generous and
every bit of the two wecks
‘was very enjoyable for me
and for him. My question Is,
do you think it would be
possible for him to enter into
that sort of Intimate and
friendly relationship over a
two week poriod without a
very very special Interest in
mo? He has gone back home
now to his family, but I have
the fecling he’d rather be
wlth me. I hope something
will come out of my
involvement with him and I'd

atti. |
The upshot of the .

. QUESTION: 3

under .
someone, it bubbles. out of
me; if I'm sad or compas- |
_sionate my tears are secon
‘flowing; if ’'m angry, that.

usiness trip

married |

" STEWART:

‘You've asked three

for or. against. smoking dope. os
The kids don’t even want us

to. ask some apency for the
him. Our two sons, 12 and 16 7 agency

§8F° mn

locking for a ‘certain.

person and don’t know how

to go about finding. him.’?.

Perhaps you are — the

person I’m looking for, or

Imow somebody who would
fit into our kids ideas.
There’s one other thing I

should tell you. Ever since.

my husband and I teck their
idea seriously, the kids have.
been coming up with others

of their friends who would.
like

discussion. But that’s not all! -

to be im on the

There are -several.sets’ of

parents who have shown -

interest in the plan and the

kids want them to be with .
One kid said, ..
“Vly dad smokes dope but he .
won’t let me and he. says he

feels fumny about that.’
Another said,
for my dad. He’s seared, but

them on it.

“I feel sorry

he says ke deesn’t know how

to heip. He’d really like to sit

My “feelings
are almost always right at the
very edge of being expres-
sed. No, that’s not what I

mean. What I mean to say is .
that my feelings are almost
'. always pouring out. of me.
. And when they are NOT
“pouring out of me, THEN

they are at the very edge. I

never seem able to control
‘my feelings and keep them
wraps. If I like

shows too; if I am stimulated,
my companion knows | it!
Why can’t I be more under

‘control? How do people cool

it? Just while I was writing
that last sentence, I realized
that not only am I like that,
but I really honestly enjoy it!
A real lady doesn’t have all
her feelings on her sleeve.
What should I do?

STEWART: First,

whether you want to be ‘‘a
real lady.’’ Perhaps you have
the feeling that you have a
bit of a head start over

sy

oor

ance

like to ask your opinion about
the experience and about my
hopes. Now please don’t get
into the moral question.

Avoid the
moral question? OK—let’s
avoid it, but note that you
seem to think there IS one.
ques-
tions: 1. Could he do that trip
with you without having a
very very special interest in
you? Answer: Yes. 2. What
is my ‘‘opinion’’ about your
experience? Answer: You
sound like you enjoyed it and
that you don’t want to
recognize that you were
probably shafted. 3. What is
my opinion about your
hopes? Answer: J think that
they are real, but that they
are inall likelihood resting on
the flimsiest of foundations
and that you are playing with

~in on our meeting.” So now,
. Lthink we have about 20 kids
“and adults whe want to work
ames of people who might
meip..them =  ialk things —
through. That’s why I say:

-- things out together. I think
“the whole development is
‘just great. Now—who can we —
get to be the non-indomental |

expert. You?

| STEWART:

“marijuana. However, I also.

be congratulated. Moreover,

Meanwhile, I'd get the kids

_ shown interest. I could be

“Now. cool it!
‘become a big event. Keep it

-OR?.

pulling for that!) then.
would be very hard for you to
try to learn how to “‘control’’
“your feelings.
-would it get you anyway? If
you knew how many people
come. to me, as a counsellor,

like you = are,
‘become more. grateful for
-your enviable nature. Your
‘and

mot to: feel
7 enjoying them.

‘you some apprehension. But,

learned something that will
help you in your very. next
| _ choice. Work on.better ways
decide

_ yourself into a plastic noth-

‘STEWART: For a guy who

_ decade. Have a good forever!

. - . awell aged dian - Cror Odo 7 CF euge |
- . | | - page 13 - March 9, 1977 - North Shore News

Td love to do
it! However, the kids would
not consider -me qualified
because I have not used

think the plan is a dandy‘and -
that you AND the kids are to

I believe I know a few people |
who might be willing.to fit in.”
Will "you contact. me. at the
above. ‘phone number?

to clam up about it and not
have others horn in just yet.
Keep the first meeting to
your 20 that have already

that your kids and you have:
walked into a very good idea.
Don’t let it

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OR ONE OF HIS SUPER STYLISTS
TO GIVE YOU THAT SPECIAL HAIR CUT

“OR NEW HAIR STYLE JUST FOR you

; OR

we H TRY OUR JUNIOR STYLIST FOR NEW IDEAS AT JUNIOR PRICES”
oe call

a

eo

for you and your kids and the [| - | 8
ones they feel good about.

“ladies” and that it’s kind of
fun for you to be a real -
woman. If you have ( {and 9? ”

"™ THE BROTHERS WITH THE MAGIC TOUCH “

And where over 30 international awards

to get help in becoming more.

you might 225 - “46th Street “West Vancouver

feelings are honest and real
they — are. not your |
enemies. Already you enjoy
them. Now the next step is
guilty about

It is not your feelings but |
the ways you choose tot
express them that may cause

if you select a way to express
your feelings that is not.
rewarding to you, you have

to share your feelings, but
please, please don’t clamp
down on them and make

ing.

almost insurmountable odds
against their being realized.
The score? Mr. Cheater - one
(although there may be a
protest) and Ms. Cheated -
zilch (with a protest already
under way, as evidenced in
your letter).

Cd . , . | ® ,
Not retired
QUESTION: For a guy who is
retired, you sure get around

and keep busy. Have a good
decado!

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gets around and is as busy as
} am, I am = sure NOT
RETIRED. Thanks for the