MY AUSSIE friend Russ and J were having a beer in the famous watering hole and pondering the nation’s problems when he fished out a newspaper clipping and asked ime what I thought of THAT. THAT was an article in Wimp Major (The Vancouver Sun) head- ed, Why can’t schools teach kids Punjabi? . Written by an East Indian, it lamented the lack of that language in the school curriculum and claimed that such instruction would | make Sikh kids feel good about their mother tongue. It also sug-. gested that Canada owes a great - deal to india. '. “Have another beer,” says 1. “You know what?” said Russ, “I . feel the same way. I'd like MY kids "to feel good about THEIR mother tongue.” “What's that?” I asked with a . smile — in case he got mad. “+ > “Strine,” says, he. “Otherwise - known as Australian.” “L suffered real culture. shock ° when I got to Canada,” he went on. . “The immigration officers thought I '~ had a funny voice. ‘They. asked me where Tcame from and I said: + “Bicum fum-" -Mairlbén vya Sinny.”: ‘(Lcome from Melbome via:' Sydney.) After he'd. settled in, sports ‘fans would “ask him if he’d been -.'to the hockey. and would look puz- “2led when he said: : “Nar dingo thockey. Sorton telly. Which, being translated, ” means.“No. Didn't go to the hock- vey. Saw it on TV.”) : Getting dates with girls (Sheila : huntin’) also presented its prob- ‘! lems. They didn’t always cotton on when he said: . “Waterbat jars chewer nighgoan “Datters upper nacuppla dinxer _ whoine? (What about just you and I * going out to supper and a couple of drinks of wine?) He “menidged tergit itched,” he explained smugly, in spite of the language barrier. But there were “problems with the real estate agents “when he and his lovely Sheila went “arse-byin.” “Eye marfter a gloria soame -BuRRARD INLET Environmental Action Program Public Seminar: Bird Survey techniques Wednesday, April 6th 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. False Creek Community Centre information: 775-5196 ON THE OTHER HAND wither egg nisher attan airfridge cost. Avya gonnie, me woife’s arse prad. Amma chisit?” Which means, “I'm after a glorious home with an air conditioner at an average cost. Have you got any? My wife's house proud. How much is it?” We had another beer while con- ‘sidering the difficulties faced by white immigrants and their kids. But don’t get the idea that Russ is $6 Reflecting on this good fortune, he ordered another drink, 99 untutored. He reads books in English. Writes them, even. And likes music and art. As he put it: “Being a vulture for culture, even though multicult was " not yet part of my frayed social fab- ric, I went to an art gallery, didn’t like some of the offerings, and said so, Aorta avless airbstreks intha ark gellery.” (They ought to have less abstracts in the art gallery.) His love of Strine met with bit- ter opposition when he set out to have it taught in the schools (tort innerskewls). A letter froma Canadian of Central European ancestry read: “Lf you don’t like what we have here, why don't you go back wher: you came from. Buggaroff.” Russ took that advice and returned to where he could see che Southern Cross at night. But then the great news reached Sinny and Muaielben that Trudeau was handing out things free, gratis and for noth- ing. _ Nis fellow Strines were saying “Beanit mite!” (Be in it, mate!) So back he came “tergit me share,” Reflecting on this good fortune, he ordered another drink, Even in the wonderful watering hole, Russ has a hard row to hoe — especially when he lapses into his native tongue. But all is not lost in his efforts to have Strinc taught in the schools. He has come across what he called “some fair-dinkum info,” which is that Professor Afferbeck Lauder’s great academic work Let Sratk Strine is now 17th on the Ministry of Education's essential language list. Which is better than being 77th. “But we must be patient,” he mused. “The poor taxpayer can only afford so much.” Turban-tooters may or may not be pleased that Russ coaches his grandson in Strine, “the langwidge of me ‘omeland,” with all its colorful culture and Walzin’ Matilda and everything. Still, he’s modest about the vital contribution Australia has made to Canada and is pleased that no Ausssie has yet been thrown out of the Liberal caucus for pretending to be a lawyer and saying that people should be shot, He is also proud (prad) to inapart to other eager pre- schoolers ‘furry tiles” (fairy tales) and nursery rhymes like Chair Congeal (Jack and Jill), Lillimus Marfit (Little Miss Muffig) and Marietta lil tam (Mary Had A Little Lamb). He says the tots sing along with him real dinky-di. 4 befiever in equal opportunities, he has offered an essay in Strine to Wimp Major. It concludes with this wish: “Mr, Editor, Oid be prad if ikin gedgeter publish this.” “Do you think they will?” he asked as 1 ordered ancther. “Corse, mite,” said 1. ell pay you $ There's an aging second fridge chomping up energy in the basement. Or perhaps you're thinking of buying a new fridge but youre not sure what to do with the old one. In either case, B.C.Hydro will pay you $30 and haut it away. 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