30 - Sunday, September 8, 1985 - North Shore News

Unwieldy names
for unmarried

REMEMBER THE Great Unsolved Etiquette
Problem? There has only been one, in all of Miss
Manners’ career, and she did think that she could
take the liberty, just in that one instance, of ask-
ing the rest of you to take the burden from her

delicate hands.

Let us try again.

. The problem was, and
remains, what to call people
who live together as couples
but are not married to each
other. Not being Miss
Morals, Miss Manners
wishes only to discuss the
nomenclature in this ar-
rangement. When it is
socially necessary to inform
the world that two people
are to be treated as a couple,
how does one say it?

The rules are: 7

1. No cute terms, overly
descriptive of. the private
aspects of the relationship,
are allowed.

Not only is that not the
public’s business, but the
public, far from being con-
sumed with erotic envy as
the participants suppose, is
revolted. A married person
who regularly introduced a
spouse : by. mentioning how
much in love they are would
find that society would kind-
ly leave the two. of them
alone together at parties.

Besides, this shows a
naivete about the long-term
household arrangement.

"Everyday life has its ups and

downs, and there has to be.a

- respectful but ‘non-endear-

‘ment term to describe “the
person who left wet towels
on the bathroom floor and
then forgot to stop for the
groceries on the way home.
2. One should not..take

ordinary, useful words that .
apply to other relationships. ’-
and spray sexual. innuendo .

all over them. oe
' “Friend”? and ‘‘room-
mate’’ need to be kept free

of romantic associations. .
Not only are they needed to -

describe the states of friend-
ship and roommate-hood,
but they are extremely useful
to romantic couples who do
not wish to, share  con-

fidences with the public. For.
heaven’s sake, there is little’

enough ambiguity. left. i in | the
world as it is.

3. Minted words are” ex:

‘tremely hard. to get into cir-
culation and should not: be
overly contrived. POSSLQ
for ‘people of opposite Sex
sharing living quarters,” ‘is

all very well, but does it have .

enough vowels in it? |

Very well 1 now. Here are

ENERAL. RACTCE oy

RE» BUSINESS LAW:
e WILLS & ESTATES:
“CONVEYANCING =~

‘PERSONAL INJURIES:

the current entries.

‘“‘& mother could proudly
introduce the young man
with whom her daughter has
chosen to live, without em-

by Judith
Martin

barrassing her daughter, the
young man, the third person
or herself, by saying, ‘This is
my daughter’s sweetheart,
Christopher Wrong.’
Doesn’t that seem ap-
propriate for public daytime
usage? To me, it conveys the
thought that the couple are

.indeed committed and in

love. The implication of
sexuality can be left to a

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“I have suggested the
French word ‘habitant’,
meaning dweller, occupier or
inmate of a house. After all,
we got the word ‘fiance’
from the French.”*

'Pliance’ rhymes with
‘fiance’ and has a certain
classy ring to it. The word is
derived from Persons Living
in a Non-Committed En-
vironment.’’

“When | was a. young
man, just after World War
Il, soldiers who lived with
native women without mar-
riage were said to be ‘shack-
ed up,’ presumably because
they moved into shacks in-
stead of living in the regular
barracks. 1 believe the
Phrase still has some popu-
larity as a mildly disapprov-
ing way of describing what
used to be called ‘living in
sin.’ So I propose that such
persons be called
‘shackmates.’ ’”

“T suggest ‘sweetmates.’ "*

“ In her Darkover novels,
Marion Zimmer Bradley uses
the term ‘freemate,’ and I
think it quite adequate.”’

- “My, uh, boyfriend and |!
had settled on ‘partner’ or
‘social partner’ (as opposed
to business partner), but it is
awkward enough that we

” have thus far avoided its use.

Then he hit upon the solu-
tion: He is my ‘hus’ because
the ‘band’ has been admit-

. tedly omitted.’’

Miss Manners is resisting
the temptation to stamp Ob-
jections !, 2 or 3 on each of
these. The problem has gone
unsolved far too long, and
she is weakened enough by it
to be willing to accept
anything that everybody else
is prepared to go along with.

3

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