& — Friday, December 25, 1992 — North Shore News Christmas presents gifts are gleefully distributed, the News presents below a few that we believe local politicians would like to _ receive today, depending, of course, upon whether they have been naughty or nice during the past year. © For North Vancouver District Mayor Murray Dykeman: notice that North Van- couver Distzict Coun. Ernie Crist is taking an early vacation. . @ For North Vancouver District Coun. Ernie Crist: notice that North Vancouver District: Mayor Murray Dykeman is taking an early vacation. @ For the rest of North Vancouver District Council: rotice that both the mayor and Coun. Crist are taking early vacations. @ For West Vancouver District Mayor T HIS BEING the day upon which Mark Sager: another crack at the Vic- toria-to-Maui yacht race. @ For North Vancouver City Mayor Jack Leucks: season’s tickets to Presentation House theatre. @ For North Vanceuver City Councillors Bill Bell and Barbara Sharp: dinner for three with Coun. Rod Clark. @ For West Vancouver-Garibaldi MLA David Mitchell: a new political party. ® For Capiilano-Howe Sound MP Mary Collins: a recording of fellow Tory MP Chuck Cook’s announcement that he will not seek re-election in 1993. @ For North Vancouver MP Chuck Cook: a gocd Canadian book to curl up with by the fire during his retirement. And for ali North Shore News readers: a very merry Christmas. “LETTER OF THE DAY | Legislation will strip owners of rights Dear Editor: Many years ago we purchased a small second home in a communi- ty on Vancouver Island. ’ Because of its location, assessed value has increased to the point where taxes there exceed those on our principal residence. f course we pay school taxes on both properties and receive on- ly one homeowner grant. Our children are beyond school age. We spend considerable time at our second home and participate as fully as we can in the social and economic life of the com- munity while carrying our fair share of the costs of that com- munity. Legislation to be introduced next spring will strip us of municipal voting rights at our se- cond home and transfer those rights to persons of no fixed ad- dress who may be in the area. They may register to vote as late as election day. It is becoming increasingly clear that our social ‘‘democratic’’ gov- ernment has a limited under- standing of democratic principles or regard for what is fair and rea- sonable. Glenn E. Valde North Vancouver Publisher .Peter Speck Managing Editor . .. Timethy Renshaw Associate Editor Noel Wright Sales & Marketing Director... Linda Stewart Comptroller Doug Foot North Shore News, founded in 1969 as an independeni suburban newspaper and qualified under Schedule 111, Paragraph II! of the Excise Tax Act, 18 published each Wednesday, Friday and Sunday by North Shore Free Press Lid. and distributed tc every door on the North Shore. Second Class Mai! Registration Number 3885. Subscriptions North and West Vancouver, $25 per year. Mailing rates available on request. Submissions are welcome but we cannot accep! responsibility tor unsclicited material including manuscripts and pictures which should be accompanied by a stamped, addressed envelope. Newsroom V7M 2H4 Display Advertising Real Estate Advertising 985-6982 Classified Advertising 9866222 Fax 985-3227 for wonct emcee ore wh couse Distribution 986-1337 Subscriptions 986-1337 980-0511 Prated on 10% recycled Administration 985-2131 SR SN" We ES SDA Olvision 985-2131 North Shore North Shore managed SUNDAY + WEOMESDAY - TRIDAY 1139 Lonsdale Avenue, ~~ North Vancouver, B.C. 61,582 (average circulation, Wednesday, Friday & Sunday) Entire contents © 1992 North Shore Free Press Ltd. All rights reserved. newsprint s Go easy, lover boy, on Xmas hens and lords TO THIS DAY’S immortal! legends belongs also that poi- _ gnant saga of unrequited love, The True Story Behind The Twelve Days of Christmas. As a public service to reckless Yuletide suitors we present it here — adupted (and heavily censored for our family newspaper) from Willard Espy’s Another Almanac of Words at Play. set Dec. 14 Dear John: Today: the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I could not have been more surprised. With deepest love and devotion — Agnes. Dec. 15 Dear John: Today I received your second very sweet gift. imagine, TWO turtle doves! They are adorable. All my love — Agnes Dec. 16 Dear John: Oh — aren't you extravagant! Now [| must really protest. | don’t deserve such gen- erosity ... three French hens! They are just darling, but I must insist, you have been too kind. Love —- Agnes Dec. 17 Dear Jolin: Today the postman brought your four calling birds. Really, they are beautiful, but don’t you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic. Affec- tionately — Agnes éé Five golden rings — one jor every . finger! You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those - squawking birds were getting on my nerves. 9F Dec. 18 Dear John: What a surprise! Five golden rings — one for every finger! You’re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those squawking birds were getting on my nerves. All my love — Agnes Dec. 19 Dear Join: So you’re back to birds, eh? This morning six geese were a-laying right on the door- mat. They’re HUGE, and where do you think I’m going to keep them? I can’t sleep, and I’m becoming @ nervous wreck. The tacket is driving “me crazy. Cor- dially — Agnes Dec. 20 Dear John: Tell me, what’s with you and all these bloody birds? Seven swans a-swimming! What right have you to do this to ine? There’s bird (BLIP) all over the house and they never stop their Just- Noe! Wright HITHER AND YON noise. It’s not funny, so no more : (BLIP) birds! You hear me? ~~ Agnes Dec. 21 OK buster, I guess I prefer the birds after all. Tell me, what am 1 to do with eight maids-a-milking? |. And as if all these filthy birds and the maids aren’t enough, they’ve brought their damn cows too. Lay off me, smart guy — One who MEANS IT! Dec. 22 What kind of sadist are you, meathead? Those nine pipers play- ing sure PLAY! They never stop chasing the smelly dairy-maids. The cows are upset and stepping all over the birds, and the neighbors have started an eviction thing against me. YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS! — Agnes Dec. 23 no You miserable (BLIP)! These 10 ladies dancing are nothing but made-up sluts, hankypankying all night with the pipers. The cows . can’t sleep and have dysentry. The building inspector has ordered me to show cause why the bduilding .. shouldn’t be condemned. I’m set- ting the police on you. I hope you.- get 10 years. I hate you. — Agnes -- Dec. 24 Look, you horrible little ‘toad Where do you think your !1 lords’; a-leaping have been a-leaping — . along with the pipers?’ On those . 18 maids and lady sluts, that’s : where. Then they started on the» cows and all 23 birds have ‘been trampled to death in the orgy. Are you satisfied NOW, you vicious, ... rotten monster? — Yeur Swern - . Enemy : Dec. 25 Dear Sir: edge your Jatest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling, inflicted on our client Miss Agnes Mendoistein, whose townhouse is totally destroyed. Should you try to reach her at the Bideawee Sanatorium, staff are. instructed to shoot you on sight. A Canada-wide warrant for your arrest, copy enclosed, has been issued by the RCMP. — LAW OFFICE: Budger, Bender, Baarp. & Bulithorpe SNS 2 This is to acknowl: :