19 - Sunday, December 31, 1989 - North Shore News ” Count down ithe new year in style im” SEE PAGE 25 affect adult life YOUR MARRIAGE is in trouble; you and your mate squabble about the same old issues again and again, and both of you wonder why the other clings so stubbornly to a viewpoint that’s obviously incorrect. The chances are, however, that neither of you is ‘“‘right’’ or “wrong.’? Dr. Ron Richardson, director of the North Shore Counselling Centre, says that the conflicts in a relationship are the result of the different, but equally valid, outlooks each partner gained when growing up. Richardson, who spoke recently at The Serenity Shop on Lonsdale Avenue, believes that the way we behave with mates, friends and other associates stems from the experiences we had and the unspoken messages we picked up in our ‘‘family of origin.”’ He likens one’s family to a hanging mobile, in which people assume roles and behaviors that allow the mobile to maintain its delicate balance. If one person changes, another family member has to shift his behavior to com- pensate, because the goal of all members is to avoid the tension that results from living in an un- balanced situation. People taught to maintain a cer- tain role in their family of origin — as the scapegoat, the achiever, or the comedian who keeps things light, for example — will continue in that role when they start their Free Registration -_Wepie Catcher, ; By PEGGY TRENDELL-WHITTAKER News Reporter own family. It may conflict, how- ever, with the expectations of one’s spouse and the role he or she is trying to uphold —- and so the fights begin. Richardson uses his own experi- ences as an example. Having been brought up in a family where anger was taboo, he was accustomed to being told ‘‘Go to your room and don’t come out until you can smile’? whenever tensions began to escalate. His wife, Lois, however, came from a family that was very com- fortable with on-the-spot expres- sions of anger. As a result, prob- lems in their marriage surfaced — she was upset with Richardson for avoiding the discussion of conten- tious issues, while he was wonder- ing to himself ‘‘Why doesn’t she go to her room and come out smil- ing?”’ Both were being loyal to the rules they had learned in their fam- ily of origin; both were sure the problem rested with their spouse. “Bach of us thought that we were doing the loving thing and our partner was doing the unloving Introducing an having a January exciting new way furniture sale, to lose weight. I can’t believe it. | ate pizza with my kids, the same meals ! cooked for my family, and even had a snack with my coffee. And you know what? [lost every single pound | wanted to. It works fast. ™ in, New Fast & Flexible Program from Weight Watchers fits so comfortably into my lifestyle that [ thought | wouldn't notice results right away. Was I surprised when my husband told me how great I looked after just one week. What's more, because L can live with this program, { stuck to it and reeched my goal. And believe me, there's nothing more satisfying than success. And it fits my lifestyle. thing,’’ Richardson recalls now. His marriage improved, he said, when he and Lois started looking Richardson has studied family of J. Collins is origin operated. Since then, Separate yourself from the ordinary! but then so are a lot of other stores NEWS photo Mike Wakefield HE MAY look like he’s charting a complicated football play, but Dr. Ron Richardson of the North Shore Counselling Centre is actually studying a client’s family tree. The relationships between everyone in a family, says Richardson, have a lasting effect on the feelings and behavior of each family member. He discussed the theories of “‘family of origin”’ therapy at The Serenity Shop recently. at how their respective families of origin work, uses it extensively in See Clients Page 20 .. but they aren't selling the good stuff. 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