48 — Sunday, June 2, 199i - North Shore News Li FESTYLES Chaperoning takes all the joy out of life... and love ATTENTION SCANDALMONGERS: Have you not heard that the concept of chaperonage has been abandon- ed? Miss Manners, for one. is relieved. it was always the re- spectable-looking ladies who were expected to do this dirty work. When the chaperone system was still in place, Miss Manners remembers hearing a friend of her dear mother speak of how it took the joy out of life. She was not referring to the lives of those be- ing chaperoned, but to the chaperone'’s life. This lady, an Englishwoman of long teaching experience in the classics, had just quit her job at a coeducational American boarding school and begin a new career at the zoo. She explained that the task of making bed-checks — put- ting the children back where they belonged wher they had strayed from the domiciles appropriate to their genders — was a lot less amusing than dealing with the an- tics of her new charges. Far from being limited to pry- ing apart children with adult in- terests, chaperonage was designed to discourage all romantic activi- ties outside the marital chamber. Ladies and gentlemen, no matter how old, and whether they were single or married to others, created scandal merely by being alone together. Therefore, they themselves took care to be chaperoned, or at least not to be caught unchaperoned. They did not need to be attended by a grim-visaged personage who was there expressly for that purpose. The mere presence of others, regardless of whether they had any idea of serving that function, was sufficient, as long as their proximity prevented a couple from enjoying privacy. Miss Manners rarely hears any- one complaining nowadays about the demise of chaperonage for grown-ups. But even people who would splutter in protest if it were to be revived have neglected to abandon its basic premise, which is no longer appropriate. The premise was that opportu- nity was the chief factor in what we shall delicately call romance. Even the most temporary romances, so to speak, were preventable if no opportunity was provided for the parties invoived to be alone together. Or so the theory went. The chaperonage system was responsi- ble, in its day, for inspiring a high degree of logistical ingenuity. It was aiso responsible for Sanning whims, when they were frustrated, into full-fledged passion. An argument can be made that the lack of challenge has had a damp- ening effect on modern emotional life. But Miss Manners will leave that subject to others. Her con- PITCH-IK JOIN US! Judith Martin MiSS MANNERS cern is that the exciting concept that privacy leads to certain sin sullies the reputations of innocent people who are using privacy for such purposes as friendship or honest work. We now know, from such modern institutions as the coeducational dormitory and the hon-romantic household group, that opportunity does not always spark emotional combustion. But strangely enough, people’s reputations continue to be sullied because they have passed time un- chaperoned. Miss Manners is for- ever hearing or reading ugly in- sinuations based upon the fact that this lady and that gentleman were known to have been alone together. Please cut it out. Such condem- nations are a se.ic.us threat to two developments in society that were badly needed and long overdue: the relaxed friendshi: of ladies and gentlemen, without pressure to.turn it into something it is not; and the easy presence of ladies in GLISH Specialists in: Paper Hanging & Painting The English Paper Hanger is a professional wall-covering service, specializing in the application of hard-to-handle wall-coverings, plus a full range of quality painting services. And the English Paver Hanger backs that up with a one-year, unconditional guarantee on H | labour ard materials. P CS) The English Paper Hanger Cali Michael Gard ai ary ume. the work place. without specula- tion as to whether the course ef business will throw then: together in private with gentlemen. Such a viewpoint: would also require the dratting of fadies as chaperones who have found better things to do. DEAR MISS MANNERS — My husband and I made a smali wager on this. fo say if is always best to be underdressed af a social function (party, dinner, etc.). My tusband says it is best to be overdressed at a social function. Could you settle this for us once and for all? GENTLE READER — Certain- ly not. Miss Manners knows better than tc approve generalities about such an emotiona! and imaginative subject as clothing. This may well be a sensitive discussion about whether your flouncy new dress is a bit much for the neighbors’ dinner, or whether your husband may wear a tie to their Sunday brunch. But wily Miss Manners knows vou cculd also be talking about grac- ing a dinner party in your jogging clothes, and he could be talking about wearing a three-piece suit to a beach party. Clothing that is not within the range of appropriateness for the occasion is a symbolic put-down of both hosts and other guests, unless accompanied by a really good excuse. (Good excuses in- clude ‘I can’t get a jacket over this cast’’ or ‘‘We didn't want to miss your party, even though we’re getting married later on and won't have a chance to change first’? — but NOT, repeat NOT, “I’m more comfortable this way”’ or ‘*This is really me.’’) However, if we are talking within the proper range, you are right. 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