50 - Wednesday, October 19, 1988 - North Shore News Q. MY PARENTS are old-fashioned and prejudiced and have told me to stop seeing my boyfriend. Besides.objecting to his ethnic background, they have cocked up a lot of moral objections to him personally. I sm 16. If 1 wait untii I am older to insist on seeing him, I may lose him. What should [ do? A. Tell him your problem and see him on neutral ground, such as school. If he doesn’t care enough for you to understand this, or have enough patience and understan- ding to go along with your deci- sion, ask yourself if this is the kind of guy you.really want to be in a serious relationship with. I think you should absolutely avoid sex with him, and if he can’t accept that then he is not someone you should give your love to. You are too young to be in a sexual relationship and not independent or self-confident enough to be responsible for your life and for the results of a decision to share sex. Feeling the way you do toward him is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. But the results of tecoming involved in an adult way, when you are too young, could burden your maturity and change the direction of your life. You don’t have to agree with everything your parents think, say or do. But this is something I want you to think about: Your parents may be bigoted and their attitude toward this boy may be wrong so far as it is narrow and unfair, but they may still be right in thinking that he is morally untrustworthy. You can’t count on parents, or anyone else, to be wrong about everything. If you could, life would be much simpler than it is. I know the advice I have given you may be hard to follow. Please give it serious thought, though. Q. My.father is a senior citizen who has always been sexually ac- Dr. Ruth Dr. Ruth Westheimer tive, and there is no reason to think he will stop because there is the AIDS danger. My husband says it is silly to worry about someone so old, that we should just let him do as he likes. I have to worry about it; I can’t help it. What is the right thing for me te do? Dad has always been independent and strong-willed and will resent my even giving him a pamphlet or book on the subject of safer sex. A. The most important thing for you is to limit the amount you let yourself worry about this. 1 know, of course, that saying ‘‘Don't worry”’ to a worrier, or to a person with good reason for being con- cerned, is often close to useless. The fact is, though, if you want to do so you definitely can limit the amount you worry, the way you can control a -number of things Sorry, wrong number A CONTACT number included with an Oct. 16’story concerning 103 Air Cadet Squadron was ir- correct. The correct telephone number to contact Captain Marv Ferg for information regarding the air cadet program is 929-5665. 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For one thing, people are living longer than they used to, and it is better to live in the best health possible, as free of iilness and pain as possi- ble. For another thing, a senior cit- izen can acquire HIV, popularly called ‘‘the AIDS virus,’’ and can .[* if a other people. talking about age sd other sexually cissases, there is real danger x contcacting such infec- am tions among teen-agers. Many people of this age experiment sex- ually, and they do not use con- doms or safer-sex methods with as much care and attention or skill as they should. For this reason it is important to keep information about sexually transmitted disease in front of young people who are capable of being sexually active. Q. I read in a newspaper that a certain doctor believes that cor- doms are unreliable as guards against sexually transmitted infec- tions. If this is the case, why are they recommeuded for this pur- pose? A. Using condoms lowers the risk of infection. Just as condoms are not 100 per cent effective for preventing pregnancy, so they are less than perfect protection against STD, or sexually transmitted disease. The person using a con- dom as a barvier to infection is us- ing prudence, but is not as safe as someone avoiding sexual en- counters with unknown or casual partners — people with unknown sexual histories, people other than monogamous partners. When advising the use of con- doms, authorities hope to contain: the spread of disease throughout - the population. There is little doubt that widespread use of con- © doms will accomplish this. A The unreliability of condoms, which is something like three per . cent, is in the fact that sometimes © they are defective and break, sometimes they slip off, and some ° people use them inexpertly. The condom is no better than the care: and understanding of the user. : Many people urge telling the population to abstain from scx ex~ cept with a husband or wife who has a good health history and who is. trustworthy. There is little reason to believe that this advice ~ would be universally, or even’ widely, followed, especially among people without faithful partners. .° Many who resolve to live chaste- ly to avoid infection can do so for periods of time, but then behave recklessly. Generally, the person who resolves to practise safer sex is safer than the one who decides impulsively to turn to total absten- tion from shared sex. ‘ LANCOME PARIS FORTE-VITAL YEUX Firming eye creme Bags, circles, loss of firmess. Realistic help in an eye cream. So light it can be worn day and night, under makeup, or alone — to combat these specific problems. Used every day, Forté-Vital Yeux helps firm, tone and pro- tect the delicate contours of the eye reducing the appearance of aging and puffiness. 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