INSIGHTS No rarely means no LET’S GET onc thing straight. By Brian Swarbrick Contributing Writer Regardless of your sex, if you sit around in a bar getting buzzed until a glass or two past midnight, and then you invite some total stranger back to your place on some dizzy notion that wouldn't make sense even if it were still mid-afternoon ... well, you shouldn’t be too surprised if your new-found friend misreads your intent. The impromptu pairing-off that goes on at last call is not in hopes of acquiring a wee-hours dining companion, It’s an alcoholic shot at whoopee time. Ask any bartender in any booze can anywhere in the world. Any, that is, except the 36-year-old lady of that profession who has given B.C. its main sex topic for this week. I refer, of course, to the deci- sion by B.C. Supreme Court Judge Sherman Hood to dismiss a sexual assault charge against a man who didn’t take the lady bartender’s ‘‘No”’ as the definitive answer. And while Ir at it: No, ladies, you don’t catch me saying, ‘‘The broad deserved whatever happen- ed.’” No one ever — ever — deserves violence. And no one on this earth, male or female, in any cir- cumstance whatsoever, deserves rape. Rape is abhorrent. It is as heinous a crime as exists, short of murder. It is as offensive to every man as it is to every woman. But human sexuality is not abhorrent. Not to me, anyway. The mating game, as Judge Hood has said, ‘tis a less-than- precise relationship ... easily misinterpreted.’’ It is also mysterious and confusing, and it can call for a lot of role-playing many of us handle badly. And if there are those who would send a man to jail, ruin his life forever, brand him some kind of sex maniac, and do all of that on the evidence presented in Judge Hood’s court, then those people may have need to tend to their own sexual health. WAVAW, Women Against Vio- lence Against Women, must be very careful it does not find itself ready to sacrifice males simply to make its very justifiable points in defence of females. Carol Gran, B.C. minister responsible for women’s pro- grams, must show a little sense before leaping on her own sexist bandwagon. NVD receives heritage funds NORTH VANCOUVER District recently received a $10,000 plan- ning grant from the provincial Ministry of Municipal Affairs, Recreation and Culture to develop design guidelines for the North Lonsdale area. Said North Vancouver-Capilano MLA Angus Ree, ‘‘North Van- couver will hire an architectural consultant to prepare the heritage district design guidelines. Once es- tablished, these guidelines will be incorporated into the official community plan.” Planning grants assist municipalities and regional districts throughout the province to guide and support growth. And Dr. Khona_ Steinberg, psychology professor at SFU, who said Judge Houd’s decision was a “licence to sexually assault women" is simply out to lunch. In the case of the man who couldn't take *‘féo’’ for an an- swer, there was no violence that I'm aware of. As far as I can piece out the ev- idence, the pair were strangers, apparently got bombed together in a North Van bar, decided to head back to her place to call a cab and get some food, and while they were on a love seat in her living room, the gent aitempted to score. He didn't try to rape the lady, nor did he threaten her with rape or any other form of violence. His most threatening aspect, one senses from the various accounts, was that his alcoholic ardor was somewhat less than deft. But ap- parently quite effective in the long run. True, the lady pushed the gent away at one point when he tried to kiss her. And according to the wire-service account, she said, “‘Wait a minute, relax, I’m not into this."’ But she certainly seems to have got into it later, because they had intercourse on the loveseat, and again in her bedroom, before the evening ended. The only thing they seemed to have missed was the late-night nosh. Now — let’s get a second thing straight. The gent in the matter may very - well have gone too far. If all of us could have crowded into the bar and iater onto the loveseat, so that we could have been privy to all the words and looks and touches and whatever else may have passed between this pair, we might have voted that the male’s importuning was something less than a class act. But might we not also have wondered why the female invited him home in the first place, if she found him so undesirable? Either way, she had a right to reject his advances. But how in the world could any teasonable human being, male or female, want to send him to jail? Isn’t there the slightest possibility that the lady said ‘‘No,’’ not meaning it to be a_ lifetime response? All of the instant litany (No Means No!) to the contrary, No Rarely Means No. If it did, every salesman in the world would go broke tomorrow, every mother would be running an obedience school, forever denying herself that sweet moment when one of the kids says, ‘‘Aw, c’mon, mom!” Besides, there’s a lot of female statements that are not to be taken as total truth. Subtle state- ments, meant to convey one im- pression while masking quite another, You know the ones, ladies, The ones you make with facial cosmetics, false eyelashes, padded bras, surgical chin and tummy tucks, hair dyes -— and, perhaps, even saying ‘‘No’’ when it’s not the final word, either. 988-6321] Kenneth J. Baxter Lawyer 310 - 145 Chadwick Court. 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