34 -— Wednesday, November 8, 1989 - North Shore . ews

Couple need to find
time for each other

Q. I am 20, my husband is
22, our baby is eight months
and our sex fife is zero.

Is does happen once a week, but
he never even Jooks at me or says a
word when it does. We have no
time for sex because he is always
working on his car acd | am
always taking care of the baby.

A. Something is very wrong
when the car and the baby take all

ask
Dr. Ruth

Dr. Ruth Westheimer

of your time like that, and you
rush through it to get back to your
tasks. 1 am not clairvoyant, I don’t
see through people’s walls or far-
distant scenes of their family life,
but you must agree that when
people want to make love they can
find time for it.

People arrive late for parties
because they had sex first. They
miss answers on exams because
they had sex instead of cramming.
The kitchen sink is full of dishes,
insurance premiums go unpaid,
birthday presents go unbought.
Remember when you and your
husband were a little like that,
maybe?

I think that you and your hus-
band have something else that is
going wrong and spoiling sex, not
just the car- and baby-care. You
have to think about that and have
some talks. Meanwhile, you both
may be expecting an interruption

PERM SALE PLUS:

from the baby when you do have
your weekly sex. That may account
for the let’s-get-this-done  at-
mosphere.

if you possibly can, arrange to
have a mother or sister look after
the baby a lite while cach day so
you can be peacefully with your
husband, for some husband-and-
wife time. And on days when there
is no sitter, at least spend some
time together. A little time now
and then, to remind you both that
you are not just home mechanic
and mom, but husband and wife
and lovers. I don’t mean always
sex time, but smile-and-touch time,
talk time, joke time, music time,
take-notice-of-each-other time.

Q. We are married 4442 years
and doing fine — no problems
with sex. Does that mean that what
we don't know isn’t bothering us?
Are we toc ignorant to be unhappy
or sexually frustrated?

A. OK, wiseguys, you tell me. [
am a sex educator, a teacher, so
I'm giving you an assignment.
Write 500-1,000 words about how
you stayed happy 534 months. Not
that I doubt you. I believe you, |
believe you! Mazel tov! If [
thought marital bliss was impossi-
ble, I would be too discouraged to
keep cn promoting it. But tell me
and the class about how you two
did it.

E have to say this: ill-informed
people have plenty of sexual wor-
ries. They often have sexual prob-
lems that come straight from ig-
horance. Informed people may
have problems, but they know
there are solutions, and where to
find them. This doesn’t get you
out of writing that composition.

WE LISTEN — WE CARE !

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