Each

My father, a beautiful man, died
of cancer within three months of
diagnosis. 1 miss him so and wish
there were something I could do to
bring him back into my life, but i
know there’s nothing.

My ex-boyfriend and I were very
close. We shared everything. He
was the person J finally found that
i was totally comfortable with. We
knew each other for about seven
years, but only dated a year. In
that span, we learned just about
everything there is to know about
that “special someone.”’ We got
along so well and always had so
much fun together, along with the

miss
manners
Judith Martin

good and bad times.

In short, I thought of him as the
man I would spend the rest of my
life with.

About a month before we broke
up, he told me his needs. He loves
his job and has a good chance of
promotion in his field. He decided
to take some classes at a communi-
ty college to make his chances bet-
ter. In order to do all this, he
ciaims thet we must not have our
relationship. He feels he wouldn’t
be able to put 100 per cent into
both school and our relationship.

tand. I’m not the only one who
still has feelings. He does, too.

I have talked with him about
having faith that he can do both
things at once, reassuring him that
{ would be behind him every step
of the way. These reassurances
didn’t change his mind. He decid-
ed we should not see or talk to
each other anymore, because his
feelings for me would make it too

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aN

It hasn’t been easy to unders- |

54 - Sunday, August 21, 1988 - North Shore News

difficult for him.

He is not 2 person full of ex-
cuses. He's true to his word and is
honest about how he feels.

I know 1 couldn’t do anything
for my father to rid him of his
disease, but I wonder what I can
do to mend a relationship of two
people who have feelings for one
another, yet want to fulfill their
needs.

Door Dresser, 701K, 32h wee
Poster Headboard. tull or queen, 64h.
Foster Footboard, falfor queen. Gah.
Nigh Stand, 26.16, 24h
Door Chest, 38418, GOh

Reg, *4,944
SALE

$3,957

Approximately
6 Week
Delivery

REG.

Ti-Pold Minar, overall: S050 2 ee .
faa ax)

- AAO

LIFESTYLES

loss should be treated d

DEAR MISS MANNERS — A few months ago, I faced two
traumatic things in my life — the death of my dear father,
and the loss of a wonderful boyfriend because of his needs.
They were two of three most important men in my life.

GENTLE READER — Drawing
general theories about one’s
misfortunes in life from separate
experiences is a sad mistake. It not
only prometes self-defeating
pessimism by declaring these to be
part of a larger trend, but it creates
false parallels.

Although Miss Manners pro-
foundly sympathizes with you in
sustaining two deep losses, she
must point out that the similarities
between these two tragedies, death
and separation, are obscuring the
fundamental difference that one
was involuntary and one, for

Winston Court
a handsome eighteen century look from Thomasville

whatever reason, voluntary. This
makes them, in some ways, op-
posite experiences; you cannot
react to them with similar forms of
behavior.

Your father would be with you
now if it had been within his
power. Your boyfriend does have
it within his power to be with you,
and has decided not to be.

Whether his explanation of be-
ing unable to manage career,
school and romance is to be taken
at face value, Miss Manners can-
not say. Certainly you have

6

499

> 699
* OK

“PAGO

REG. SALE

Cased Dech SONG AE See eee $1,199

SD Puller WAI SM eee eee $1,199

Oval Fable, 14468 100, 30h 59 FE, 24B

Queen Anne Splat Back Aun Chain 40h 6.2.7 499% 399

Queen Anne Splat Back Side Chai, 40h 6.6% 449 § 3559
Sewer, Pip Top. dosed:

38018, Sth open: GANIB, 33h ww. eee 1,549 1,239

iiferent!

As shown
Reg, *7,353

SALE
*3 882

Approximately

Delivery

y

assured him that you would assist
him in doing so, and yet he has
declined to try. That does not
mean that he is either actually dy-
ing to or lying. Between the two
there may be many things, such as
uncertainty and tact.

In any case, you must recognize
that there is nothing you can do. If
anything is ever to bring him back,
it can only be the realization that
he is not happy without you, and
he will have no chance of learning
that if you do not definitively let
him go.

Week

Winston Court by Thomasville is the perfect blend of
“18th Century American” desiqns. Both bedroom and
dining room selections reflect the eleqanee and warmth
of the era but are scaled for today’s home. in keeping

ILLE. GALLERY

with (he Thomasville tradition of quality, only the
finest maple solids and cherry veneers are used, Winston
Court is for those who appreciate an authentic look and
demand an excellent value.

4240 Manor Street. Burnaby

('% block west of Villa Sheraton Hotel)
HOUKS:

Monday fo Saturday - 9 to 5 p.m.
Sunday - Noon to 3 pam.

oe: OF

ny

435-5566