34 - Wednesday, February 24, 198% - North Shore News LIFESTYLES PLENTY OF TIME AFTER THE WEDDING Q. I HAVE had a lovely redheaded girlfriend for a year now. I love her so much! She does not believe in premarital sex. How can I cope with not knowing if we are sexually compatible? We do pian to get married. A. Most people who love each Jealousy is so natural in situa- other are sexually compatible. If tions like this that no amount of you are a loving fiance to that sophistication eliminates it. A delightful redhead, and this is what couple can share a friend, but she has decided, then just count three people sharing sex, though the days to your wedding. an exciting fantasy, is a bad plan If you are as loving as you say, for three real pcopte. That's what I and a responsible fiance, you think. won't put. pressure on her. Respect her right to decide not to have sex . Q. Can : a couple really have physi- before the honeymoon. From then cal pleasure when the woman is until you'are both old, there will menstruating? be the years of wonderful A. Some women find sex during lovemaking. OK? menstruation especially pleasur- J am not making up fairy tales - that is. hardheaded | advice. : Unless there is: something very specific. worrying. you that you haven't told me, don’t worry bout “sexual compatibility.”’ In this real world, many loving couples don’t have premarital sex together. If they love each other, they.can do what it says in that old song —-what ‘comes naturally — when the time comes. a If they get along with each other ani. are.informed about sex from - reading:my column and. some: of the excellent books about. married toves. they can learn ‘together and able. The ‘engorgement of the fe- have the most wonderful physical -male genitals ‘and the lubrication sharing. Stop worrying, inform .both make’ for, enhanced physical yourself, and look: forward to a sensation. But this is not true for wonderful life. i recy all. women, and prejudice against . : it, going. back to age-old taboos in Q. How doa you feel about many cultures around the world, menages u trois? . keeps many pcople from even try- A. Menage a trois is a French term ing it. — people used to smile,- raise their People who do have sex during eyebrows a little: and refer.to sex-' menstruation should definitely use ual’ matters’: in-that” ‘language’ — - coritraception because sperm cells that’ refers to three -peopleimaking | can live quite a while and because it together,.often living under. the the woman might ovulate a second same, roof or in one, apartment. . time. Though this-is not: very uncom-.... Sex during menstruation is mon,.I.do not have much faith in. perfectly all right if both partners it as-an arrangement. In this © want it — and the reason quite a _ world, three’ people. involved in few do-is that for them it is - love or sex is. better described as:a especially enjoyable. ; - triangle -or ‘a: -Tivalry;because one ’ person gets, left out or exploited. OF. Q. ‘How do you tactfully ask a begins to feel betrayed. ' boyfriend how many women he Circa 1920 6-pe Walnut twin bedroom suite, includes box spring and mattress. Fabulous quatity $1500. * Round imahogany table with 4 leaves $895 04 - ‘shield back chairs $895 * mahogany hall table by . Krug ¢ Walnut sofa table * love seat « occasional - chairs ¢ many more unusual items in stock... has had sex with -—- and get a truthful answer? A. There is no tactful way to pry this information out — and if you mean how do you get a number and a list of names and some con- fidences about intimacies with women before you, | suggest that you don't do it. This can come be- tween a couple and spoil a time that should have been loving and joyful. I am aware that some men do talk, and by that I mean boast, to their present mates about sex with.an ex. There is no rule about whether this will destroy a rela- tionship or not, but for most cou- ples it is best avoided. If you want him, accept the fact that he has had a past, and let that past bury Dr. Ruth Ruth Westheimer itself. If what you want is not specifics of his past sex life but important information about whether he kas been exposed to a sexually trans- mitted disease, you are definitely entitled to reassurance on this point. it is common now for part- ners to give cach other reassuring clinical clearances. The couple can visit a doctor together to take tests and receive counselling about avoiding infection. There is something else you may have in mind — you may feel very strongly that you want a bridegroom who has ever shared sex with another woman. This could be a religious consideration. In that case you have to tell him that this is a serious consideration with you and you want the truth from him. Not a list of names, but simply a yes or no. There is no ‘tactful’ way to ask. You just have to ask — seriously and respectfully. Between pcople making a com- mitment there should be enough frankness and understanding to make a straightforward question and an exchange of reasonable confidences casy and unembar- rassed. That would be a sign of a Cs good relationship. How to know you have been told the truth? You have to (rust. But why trust some- one who will not offer the best medical assurance of freedom from infection? In this era that is the sign of intelligence and sinceri- ty. Q. Can you have sex with a friend without spoiling the friendship? A. No. And I hope nobody will write to me about exceptions to this rule — it is a prudent and sen- sible rule. Every time, sex with a friend alters the friendship in some way; if you want to keep the friendship a friendship, and Iet it ripen without spoiling, no sex. The friendship can change into love —- that does happen, and sex between people in love is something they have to decide about. Promote health, | prevent cancer, DeHE Hoe CCL Same ANE ¥yeed me Leryn eN ‘The classifieds point you im the right direction How to Solve the Market place Maze Threading your way through store after store trying to find what you need can be an exercise in futility. Let “us simplify your buying. Do your - shopping in the Classifieds and eliminate unnecessary shopping trips. _ Sell it, in the Classsifieds The: fastest return on the advertising dollar anywhere. 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