4 - Sunday, March 17, 1991 - North Shore News Spicer Commission part of the problem THE SPICER Commission has self-destructed, no matter what conclusions it might reach, for the simple reason that the rest of us — the *‘ordinary Canadians" it was suppos- ed to represent — have already reached our own conclu- sions. In a nutshell, here is another band-aid boondoggie launched by Ottawa, full of phoney fire and ballyhoo brimstone, a desperate attempt to cover the naked flank of a prime minister who has long since lost control of the nation’s agenda. The farcical nature of the so- called ‘‘citizens’ forum"’ headed by former languages commis- sioner, former editor, and all- round gadfly Keith Spicer, has become apparent now that the price tag of the travelling patri- otism circus has been revealed at $14 a second and climbing. Planting a big, drooling kiss of death on the commission, Brian Mulroney defended it by saying that Canada was surely worth that much. Canada maybe. The Spicer Commission, give me a break! Spicer himse!f has trouble distinguishing between his com- mission and his country. No wonder Jack Webster bailed out as quickly as he did. The Oatmeal! Savage’s instincts are still intact, otherwise he'd have been dragged down with the rest. As word comes through that Spicer has been spending money recklessly, with the cost of the commission having gone from an initial $10 million to $25 million, and now closer to $30 million, ordinary Canadians, [’m sure, are uncertain whether to laugh in their beer or throw a glass at the wall. If the country does indeed crumble, the Spicer Commission will go down in history as a highly representative footnote to the debacle. What is representative about it is the way in which it fumbled the ball through the hubris of its leader. And in this regard, Keith Spicer’s ego has to be rated as be- ing right up there in the rarified heights with Brian Mulroney’s. I have had serious misgivings NSH moves NORTH SHORE Health will be open for business in its new loca- tion at 132 Esplanade in North Vancouver City on Monday morn- ing. The move consolidates the health deparcment’s two main of- fices, previously in West Van- couver and on the Lions Gate Hospital site, into the fifth and sixth floors of the new office building. Before the move, the health department administered nine programs from four different locations around the North Shore. With the move. all health depart- PROVEN RESULTS with over 8 years experience! LESLIE LaFLECHE 984-9711 (24 hrs.) STRICTLY PERSONAL aboui the Spicer Commission since the evening months ago when I was invited to have dinner with the commissioner and a small group of fellow ordinary Cana- dians, such as Peter Gzowski and Laurie LaPierre, who at that time I did not realize had been hired to hype the whole thing. The dinner, 1 must admit, was excellent. It ought to have been, catered as it was by a gentleman in a tuxedo-like costume with a chef puttering around in the background. There were a dozen of us pres- ent, including a couple of spouses, and of course the commissioner himself. Under the mistaken impression that I was being asked to dinner in order that my brain, such as it is, might be picked, | had taken the trouble of doing a bit of research to buttress my arguments that Canada should be restruc- tured along the lines of Switzerland, a country I highly admire. In fact, to organize my thoughts, I wrote a column about these notions, which was duly to new site be ad- the new ment programs. will ministered from Esplanade offices. According to Georgia Allison, North Shore Health’s director of administration, the move wil! re- quire 16 movers, !2 move coor- dinators and four trucks to shift more than 1,000 boxes. The new offices will boost the health department's square footage from 17,000 to 22,000 square feet. The new number for general North Shore Health inquiries is 983-6700. Afl nine health pro- grams also have direct numbers. published in the North Shore News. As it turned out, readers of my column were the only ones to find out what my ideas on national unity were, since nobody at din- ner, including the unity commis- sioner, showed any interest at all. The conversation was all very urbane and witty, with Spicer tak- ing up most of the time telling us about his adventures on the unity trail, how he was misquoted in The Globe, what he really said to the prime minister, and so on. All very gossipy and insiderish, the kind of stuff so relished by Or- tawa mandarins and press hangers-on. Sensing that the wine was flow- ing all too freely and that the op- portunity to advise Mr. Spicer on how to save the country was slipp- ing away in the haze, I buttonhol- ed him and said: ‘*Look, are you interested in solutions?"’ Quoth he, with a dismissive wave of his hand: *‘Ch, everybody’s got a solution.”” Back to the autobiographical stuff. I sat there in stunned silence for TH ney 7 GT oe wy uae my at A 17th century galleon full of Spanish treasure has sailed into Birks ! a while, wondering just what | was doing there, sipping wine paid for by the taxpayers, cating a catered gourmet meal paid for by the taxpayers, listening to a man very full of himself cell us all abour his wonderful travels, also paid for by the taxpayers. What had this to do with saving Canada? There was an air of unreality that went beyond the booze and the bon-bons. Spicer was getting his rocks off playing deep- pocketed nation-saver. Yet, as far as | could sec, he was a pa.t of the problem, not the solution, to the extent that the problem is really Ouawa’s im- perial wastefulness, which has saddled our economy with stag- gering debt, and continues to suck at afl our pocketbooks, crippling incentive and kneecapping enter- prise. I'd have been much happier to have had a hamburger and a cof- fee with Mr. Spicer, spent 10 minutes giving him my two-bits worth, and ended it there. In- stead, a bunch of us wasted an entire evening stroking each other’s and our own egos around a lavishly laid-out table, mainly listening to the would-be savior of our nation dropping anecdotes and names. There was much tut-tut-tutting about how far apart Quebec and the rest of Canada had grown in the recent past, and | wanted to say that it just might have some- thing to do with the likes of Mulroney and Pierre Trudeau, both of whom, after all, come from Quebec, and no wonder the rest of the country is tearing its hair out by the roots. But this would have been heresy in the cosy atmosphere where, in- cidentally, it was clear to me that the entire purpose of the exercise is to come up with new and better reasons for making the old clunker, Canada, look like a brand new machine. To accomplish that, you need a mechanic who knows what he’s doing. A messianic tinkerer with a blank cheque just won't do. tary ski * oe, *. Equipment rentals: cand ski timezups - Ski-it ; inddor outdoor - pools andihot tubs Stat@of-theart healthdub: | ~, Massage'thel Discover our spectacular $20 million collection of silver & gold coins, gold bars, chains, and jewellery ! On view and available for purchase for four days only. Meet Kim and Lee Fisher and their team - the people directly involved in this search odyssey and learn more about this amazing ship and her treasure. Public Lectures. Tuesday to Saturday: 11:30 a.m. and 4 p.m. Additional presentations Thursday and Friday: 7:00 p.m. TIO Granville Street Only Tuesday to Saturday, March 19h - 23rd Great moments come out ot the blue. BIRKS %