ot hy we peng "ies Athi: ee ee, ec eS ‘QUESTION. ( Once in a while I have a ‘strange sort of experience that leaves me with. mixed feelings. It” excites me and I guess it kind of inspires me, but it also “leaves me a little. scared. It’s _ hard to. describe what Pm talking about but Pil try. I¢’s mever the same but. the feelings I have are elmost always as I said above. suppose I cculd say I have a few. moments of enlighten. ment. It isn’t like a vision and I don’t hear voices but I ‘get a kind of idea about my real self and what I’m really _ like. It’s always. good. ‘In this ‘experience I am healthier, happier, wiser and I always feei like i have a wonderful secret about me that Pm not going to talk about. It’s sort of funny because I always feel sort of mischievous ‘about my secret. it’s almost _ like I’m laughing at the world because they only know me as I appear to be, but I have 7 CSEUEHOSCENETEATGEETEONIGETOUEAULAANEETO . “Freelance Counsellor Hayden, _ Stewart may be reached at . 261-6242 for appointments for individual, family: OF Group ‘counselling. . His new office in the Plaza international. Hotel ‘fopen “Tuesdays only) Is for the convenience of North” ‘Shore residents... . TT Personal message QUESTION: Hayden, do you have any. questions YOU. : “want to-ask? [Comment by ~ Hayden regarding that ques- | ‘tion: It’s a fake question. I - wrote it myself to. myself. Navy myself will answer it, as » follews[ STEWART: Yes, I have. Why in the world don’t - people | return to me the. “books they borrow? (That's: - called, “using the column for a personal message’’). Nothing ‘known on — horoscopes _ ie QUESTION: ‘Axo you. Into” * horoscopes: and that sort: of _ thing? - STEWART: No. I also know (cooking stocks-and-bonds. and senba-diving. (For furth-- er information about my "inadequacies, please’. send - $50 and: a self-addressed | stamped envelope: and Pll "give you a part of my list) why it is scary. because it’s so different. I’ve . failure’ come. to 7 biggest ’ pen) new ep hg eee ee Salaalnaals e Vo wt ha ce 1 Mths Aa an Gah a er Ves eta ve Nee Fie wee! Re EN Se, CNR De COREE Se EL | aed ee eNO E AS Oe RELY Rk eee Ce Cea ae Lect Sen CL teeta MRE 7d see tty i ean . ce ce re ee cee) this wonderful secret . about me that is so ‘exciting and inspiring. ’ in bed ‘and a couple of times it came to me while. was m- eating! The one thing Pve moticed is that — happens when I am alone. As I said, it isn’t anything like I imagine a vision would be . _and I never hear a voice, and - yet it seems so zeal to me. Its wonderful ‘like a great and SSDERA? | thag dawns on me and it’s always about myself. I’ve never told: anyone about it because I think they would tell me Pm ‘sort of strange or going crazy er something. What do YOU think about it? 1 forgot to say ‘I?s just mever heard of anyone else having: the experience. QUESTION: I read the other day that the three biggest™ “problem areas” in marri- age have to do with Money, - Sex and Power. if that is the case, which one do yer think is the most common one, . oz which one do you think causes the. most difficulties or marriage failures? a STEWART: T can’t get too . Steamed up about your -, question because the person ; who has listed. those, three — “‘problem areas’’ has. really - only: listed _ _areas..in.-which ‘marriage’ - often | -make The . Eakins ‘of : ‘themselves. apparent. . person .whose _ ‘“‘failure’’ symptoms seem to point up to him a problem rez, can_ ‘see them. .as. opportunity areas instead. Then he is ready to see in _ himself the ways in: which he is blocking off his opportuni-. ties. Suppose, for example, a _couple agrees. that - their “problem | area” | Nothing “sick” ot | her bra test QUESTION: The other day a young mother told me~ about her 13-year-old ‘son. telling her he had heard of a - test about whether. woman ‘should wear a bra or not. It. ‘hed something to do with a. pencil. Weil, anyway, she calmly told me. that sii opened up her dress and. showed: him how the test. _ worked, What do you think of that for. brazen, immorality in front of her ‘Gwn young son. What would that experience do to hin? I think she’s sick. STEWART: ‘Are’ you. thinking her sickness is contagious and the ‘boy. will" catch something. from her? I have a, feeling that in her home ‘and. family, there is more openness’ and. natur- alness.than there is in your ' ‘home and family. For THAT — particular boy, with: THAT © particular mother, I can’t get having been : done. It was probably just .a happy, . natural event that had to do ‘with a pencil and a bra. Now, _ in your home and family. the _ same event could be quite: disillusioning and © per aps ay oe Rol « “It cam come to me. while Pm out walking or when I’m it- only _ly beckoned toward a part of my reality with which I am _ yourself reach toward YOUR while you might tell us a bit ~ STEWART: Your experience _ is not t nearly as uncommon as. you seem {0 think. You probably have not héard' of it’ in others experience, be- - cause, they, like you, don’t feel inclined to. talk about: something so intimate and moving. My own experience along. these lines is remark-" ably like yours. I feel pretry | strongly that the ‘‘wonderful idea’’ that comes to me is a glimpse of or an idea about the person I AM - potential-— ly. Or, sometimes it seems to “me that Iam being gracious- not. yet well acquainted. I . have come to- the space now where I give myself permis- Sion to accept and explore the ‘‘carrot’’ that is held out - before me as a lure to higher . consciousness. It has been - good and I am grateful. Let lure, and perhaps after a more about. it. seems to relate to POWER. Then each of them has the opportunity to find im bim-- self, what he is choosing for himself that he himself ‘knows is‘ not really ‘good enough for him. He may be — fearing the other person's power (and does not need to)- ~ or may be longing to have the upper hand in power (and _ does not need to) or wants. to “appear to others as ‘the _ Strong one of the couple (and “doesn’t . need to) I think- Br el hE REE pe ate ga EE KORA Oe ne ‘perhaps the biggest problem “‘“atea, not. only ‘in maitiage “but? in any relationship. is. related to our tendency. to pretend to ourselves that we - are not really up to much. Then. we feel we must work hard to make .it appear we are boxed in’ by a-problem | _. that the OTHER person has! ‘What ‘‘probiem”’ causes ‘the. . most difficulties or failures in| “marriage? The problem of. not being our ‘true, total selves. That screws things up he good. frightening to the boy, -. because he would think: of it. “as being bad, or sinful, or the . gesture of a sick mother. It. -all..depends ; doesn’t ‘it? - Fortunately for you, | you — don’t have to fuss over it - “0. you. They'll -be O.K. . _ believe. Is your way a. delight ‘to you? De yor fcel all right . _ about it? If So, stick: to your © way. - ‘Fon interests. all in family — QUESTION: ' What's tho most fun -you’ve over had? ‘What are the three interests | in your life that have given . you the most fun? Just name them - you don’t have to go | into a whole fot of detall. — STEWART: Norma, ‘Lillian practically. nothing “about excited about any harm .. and - Judy. (Thanks =f _ limiting me to three!) ee Allow me enotigh detail to - tell you they are my wife and :: ‘two “daughters. (I thought | hard ‘about that answer. and ‘feel good about it!) bd tte Oe i ran te ya at yee oe) fom, cee The cedar j ree from seem a Ge RE poe oa cba ee ae . 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