We Wednesduy, June &, 1988 = Nosth ‘Shire News

LIFESTYLES

LOVEMAKING NEEDS TO BE: RESCHEDULED

Q. When we have sex cit is gréat,,but most of the time lie just
- kisses me goodnight right afterwards and then rolls over and
_ goes to sleep. I have a very difficult time getting him arous-

; ed when this happens. What can Ido?

AS ‘Get to bed earlier’. before he”

is pooped. This may call for some *

changes in the. way you schedule 7
your evenings. This guy- sounds”

ov like: a nice one —_ he is, sociable
enough and’ courteous cnough at
least to kiss you goodnight!

> And try to get over: being hort
by the notion that all this friend
wanted out of you was a couple of
Sexual cpisodes, because it can’t be
“true. If he was that much compa-

‘ nionship before you had sex x with

* And iyou- can. be encouraged +

since he sometimes will continue to

~ “take-an interest after, one Jovemak- ..

ing episode, according to what you

say.;He docs not have the ingrain-

ed bad habit,. like many men, of -

; always. turning ¢ out like a light after

It seems more likely that he is.
cusing.up his last, daily bit of energy °

AS: a nightcap.” So, he may, be -
: _ agreeable to’. some ‘improvement
. like skipping the: late news or. the |
‘Jate talk show or not always having ©
-to%spend the: evening : dancing: or:
‘socializing with you in a. club or
pub." 2.

“It may, surprise you to know that.
other, couples arrange ‘their time in”

a ‘variety | ‘of. pleasant. ‘ways. There i is=
having

young. rin the,

light “

b

ing that things were geiting too.

‘serious. 11 seems he just isn’t ready
to settle down with anyone, and he
can’t be natural with me any more.
J am not out to nail him. if he-
_ decided not to have any. more sex
Swit’ me, fF, would accept. that. 1
“haven't had rex: with anyone but:
him since my divorce, and that just
’ sort of. happened, what: with: the
wine and the music, so to ‘speak. - “
T never wanted to ‘sleep atocnd,
and except for:this friend; whose
sexual history” I really belleve 1 do.

_know.-eccurately; 1. am. scared: of |

“"gasual sex, because’ of AIDS and

-won't be such a

«the other catchables: What bothers :
. meis that. going: beyond : platonic”

“ friendshtp once or twice has made

Dr. Ruth

Ruth Westheimer «

interest in you than that.
. & friendship is a valuable thing.
Maybe you could write him a letter
and tell him that you miss the nice
“untroubled companionship with
him<and that, if you can't have it
just the way it was, you would still
like to see‘ him now and then
without his worrying that you
“thinking of. dropping a. netsov
him.

Things like this: often happen
after divorce; a friendship becomes
very, ‘very important. If, it «can’t
progress to-a fife partnership, it
has ‘to cool off, and.-there- are
“qroubled .: feelings... Sometimes. a

this bad’ change for. him: J really

iden. your circle) of. riends, and
ito have. some’ friends: who, will:

him, there had to-be- more in his.

” divorced woman has a: woman
friend,, and feels hurt when that
woman develops a love for some
man and has to give most of her
time to him... .

Sometimes’ the divorced woman

makes a close companion of a.

homosexual man and then realizes,
‘at some point, that this can't whol-
ly. replace that closer partnership
she knows she will want in time.
You!have to..put- the friendship

“ with ‘this nice man in perspective.

wouldn’t be’ surprised if, just

“posiibly, you. really ‘wish some-

thing more could have been. made
of the friendship and that it could
in- time have ‘become a real man-
woman partnership. That is not
“oul, of the question, even now —
but from now on it is really. upt to
‘him. i

Give ‘yourself. time to: come to
terms with being ‘divorced, before

‘hooking seriously for a°new life’

companion. Don’t waste months

and months wishing~ this post-".

divorcee relationship had lasted just

as you wanted it, either drifting in-:*

to love or until you were. ready to
pive it up,

Q. We are getting married soon;
bet is definite, and we are happy

- _yhogetker and have been for years.
i But my girt and I are both troubled .

'y my permancatly erect: nipples.
Privately they. don't. bother. me.

‘one,

“teristic. But somehow ‘they hother

her a (little. and, when T- am
locker room, they embarrass me a
litte. U have the idea. that” other |
peaple may misinterpret - ‘them. Is:
there) anything. cosmetic surgery
can do about this? ee
A. | suppose so. | am not sure
why they “‘bother’’ your girl — all

barechested on the beach or ina 5

eee

they might imply is that the water. -§

or the wind is cold or that you are’

aroused somewhat by her — right?

It happens that’ many, many: peo-.°

ple; have: “something - that
abbreviated swimming clothes.

-1/do know’, people, who. avoid
appearing in- “trunks - or.. bikinis

‘because they are in their. own

minds too fat or too skinny, or Fat °
in the ‘middle. and. skinny in. the

only”
‘ becomes apparent at the beach’ ins:

legs, or have some.oddilies like. a .

, big mole. or surger: Scars. OF. some:

hardy. enough to have fun at. the ©
beach in spite of:some. peculiarity.

Maybe you can ‘do that, too. But Af.

is'a real fixation, or: becomes’
Sget some! ‘ psychological
counselling . befor going i